citizenmarie

OK, I'm a grown-up (40), but it's Easter and I'm thinking I "should" call my mum, who lives in Ireland. I last talked to her in February. I don't really enjoy talking to her but feel I "should" call every couple of months.

It's also been 2 years since I saw her so I "should" plan a visit. But since she moved to the south coast of Ireland and my siblings live in England, it's quite a trek -- and then I can only stand to be there for a few days!

I was wondering what the norm is for other people with this calling and visiting thing?

My dad died almost 2 years ago (divorced a long time ago), and although I miss him, it's actually a relief not to have to think about this same thing, especially around holidays and birthdays. It really was quite an ordeal to try and talk with him.

Obviously, I don't feel close to them. I'm at peace with the past completely, but it doesn't seem to change how I feel about interacting with them in the present

Thanks for your input.

soap addict

Hi Citizenmarie

I can only tell you that I ring every day - I know thats a lot but I'm an only child and my mother is also on her own so if I don't talk to her she may not speak to anybody all day - and I would feel guilty about that.

She was quite ill last year so I had to go back but she usually comes over once a year for a month - which is quite a difficult month to say the least. I'm not sure if she will be able to come over every year from now on but if thats the case I will probably end up going over every year for a couple of weeks - could not stand a month.

soap addict

md95065

There is no "norm".

Everyone is different.

Stop worrying about what other people do and figure out what you really want to do.

ChocolateBabz

Talk to the in-laws every Sunday for an hour via Skype. Haven't spoken to my mum for 15 years - see no 'normal' here!

Ash UK/US

Both my parents are gone now but when my mum was alive we would speak everyday. I would chat with my dad maybe once a week sometimes not even that, only because he was never a 'phone' talker.

I also talk to my sister everyday too.

Bob

What ever works for you ain't it

My mother rings me every few weeks for a quick chat, 15 mins at the most as there's not much to talk about but she gets a chance to listen to the kid muttering on the phone. I ring her on the holidays/birthdays kind of thing.

I haven't gone for a visit since I moved to the US. My mother has come over for a couple of visits, getting on for a couple years since her last visit though I guess.

Never talk to my sister, last contact was emailing her with photo's of our youngest when she was born, though I only bothered doing that after she got out of the hospital, so about 3 weeks after she was born.

Last time she came for a visit and it was only for a couple of hours after lunch and we still managed to have a massive row that almost become a knock out fight

Adriane

I think if it upsets you to talk to them you shouldn't feel guilty about not calling. You probably have a good reason for not being close. For me it would be abnormal and unhealthy to talk to mine much. Every family is different so don't try to do what others would do.

bevinva

I could never call my mum because she wore hearing aids. I no longer talk to my siblings or my so called father. Don't feel any guilt everyone is different as people have said. If I could ever had my mum without the rest of the family she could have been here every month if she wanted.

Poppy girl

Every day I chat with my mum she has the BT OAP calling plan its 10pounds a month unlimited calling, so I call her let it ring twice and she calls me back she is 80yrs this year very active and out going still.. but we always have a chat.

avanutria

We called DH's parents today but we don't call them often. I think they call us every couple of months. When we call it's often more of a "listen to DH's mum talk a lot" sort of call and if we're lucky we get to tell our news before she rings off.

My grandma lives on the other side of the US and she calls me every couple of weeks for a quick chat. I'm not really a "chat to family on the phone" person but it's nice to know she's still doing OK and it really cheers her up. She's had a fairly sh*tty life so it's something little I can do to make her happy for a while.

lisa67

I call my Mum and Dad about 3 times a week. Usually have a good chat, but sometimes I just don't need to hear the family stuff!
Call my brother about once every 3 weeks but we mainly exchange emails.
OH hardly ever calls his family and vice versa.
Horses for courses I guess.

paulinespens

I have vonage so I don't pay for calls to the USA. I also have a 0151 number (Liverpool UK) that rings my housephone here in the US to that my parents and family can call me.

I speak to parents at least a few times a month.

anne55

My Mum was a DIAMOND!! a very special lady. I used to talk to her a couple of times a month until she suffered with dementia and did not always know who I was!! when that happened I would have to make do with a visit a couple of times a year. I think with the ease of calling these days and had she been of clear mind I would have called everyday.

My father died when I was 11 so I did not have the opportunity to have a adult relationship with him, I remember that he was old school and was definitely the head of the household.

I am very close with my siblings and we talk all the time or in my sisters case she does the talking but that's fine with me its just so good to hear her voice. Now if I could only convince her to download Skype I could see her as well

penguinbar

My husband rings his parents once a week. We told them to try skype but they can't figure it out.

Englishman43

Usually once a week to parents in U.K & sis in OZ but not that often to other sis in UK as she has 3 boys and never seems to have the time to take breath much less anything else.