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help.. am in a mega pickle

help.. am in a mega pickle

Old Mar 23rd 2011, 5:10 am
  #16  
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Default Re: help.. am in a mega pickle

Hi

Don't cancel the meeting with the lawyer. Why? Because you need to know some things. You need to know what you are up against and more importantly, if he is a good lawyer, he'll counsel you not to do anything RASH in the future (i.e. take the kid and not come back). He may also counsel you on getting a UK passport for the kids.

International child custody, should it come to that, is a morass. A real pain. Honestly, think of going to the lawyer's office as an hour spent attending a class on immigration issues, even if it is not something you plan on using at this immediate time (and I'd second a few of the other comments about baby blues and whatnot). Getting some information from a trusted and responsible source about the pitfalls and hurdles that exist is good for your own peace of mind in the future, should you have to walk down this path later.

Good luck.
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Old Mar 23rd 2011, 6:45 am
  #17  
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Default Re: help.. am in a mega pickle

Originally Posted by alien species
Maybe I could buy a one way to Libya for the MIL.
I think she's half the problem.. I'm married to a momma's boy, literally 4 of us in this marriage.
Where's the fourth?! Anyway - been there, done that, and am still paying for it nearly nine years post-separation/divorce. Seven years left. We are both American, but I cannot move the children more than 50 miles from here without their father's permission - which he will never give.

My MIL is still hanging in there, healthy at age 91. No, that's not a typo.

You don't want to do ANYTHING right now to get your husband's back up - or your MIL's back up - because if you do decide to separate and divorce, you need to be at your best strength. You say you are visiting the UK soon - are you taking your child? Do you have written permission from your husband to do so? Establishing a proven track record of being reliable to take the child to the UK and return may help you in the event of separation or divorce.

Please, please consult a family lawyer competent with immigration matters. You do not mention your own immigration status or whether you've naturalised. Normally a first consultation is free but if not, pay in cash.
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Old Mar 23rd 2011, 4:50 pm
  #18  
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Default Re: help.. am in a mega pickle

Get your baby a UK passport. Then deal with your marriage issues, don't think about returning to the UK until those are sorted out. Talk to your husband and be honest about your MIL and marriage issues and see what he says.
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Old Mar 23rd 2011, 5:53 pm
  #19  
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Default Re: help.. am in a mega pickle

BIG thank you to everyone who has posted, gosh I have been quite moved by everyones advice and mails.
This is the current status.
I sent my MIL back off to the east coast this morning, on her broom stick (along with the FIL). I'm the villian, but I can live with that. Now hopefully they won't feel that they can pop over when they want, and all plans of re locating (they're retiring this year)..to be closer to us, can be re visited. (we're in st louis)
Unfortunately I am married to a mummy's boy. Yes, a pansy.. and, he turns to his mother at every hurdle. he asks them to visit without discussing it first with me, and invites her to stay the night without, again, either of them.. running it by me. She folds his under wears, rubs his back when he's stressed out.. and makes no bones about barking orders to her husband. Yes , Sargent Major Sir!!
Sorry.. getting carried away. this would be more suited to the woman's weekly agony aunt column.

So: I called around town to find a family lawyer who was experienced in immigration issues. No one could recommend anyone, there is no one apparently here in STL qualified to deal with my case.
That is what I was told. Well, it is kind of a tin pot place.
So, I'm half resigned now to just get on and make the most of things. I travel to UK alot, and I don't want to risk my husband getting arsy and not giving me permission to travel home. I would never even contemplate not bringing her back. I play by the rules 100%. And... I have 2 terriers, that I dote on, and would never leave them!!
I have followed the links you all have sent me and I shall get my kiddo (10 weeks now) a Uk passport and the dual nationality. I love my husband and in actual fact I believe we all 3 of us would have a better life in england. I havn't given up on him recognizing that.
I shall continue to look for an attorney who can help me. I'll have to look at chicago?? I am taking lexapro : ( Ugh I never thought i'd be on anti depressants. : ( but I have to be buoyant for my daughters sake.

4 things I did think of that may help me if things got dire and we divorced down the. line.

1. I have considerably more money than he does. Saved from before we were married, and stashed in an off shore account.
2. he has a manic depressive disorder. He is a psychiatrist himself, and is medicated... but non the less, it is real.
3. He only has is mother (66) father (67) and a brother (single, and always will be) all living in delaware. Where as I have siblings close in age to myself all with very young girls. And i also have extended family all living in the peak district.
4. My parents give $1000/750 GBP per month, to each grandchild within our family per month.

I am going to suggest we see a marriage guidance counciler. I can tell him I want us to work on dealing with being new parents, and then, the relationship with him and his mother will bound to arise. Like a second nose.
She is not going to show respect for me, but I think he can learn how to deal with her. He is a good person. This is the first and only grandchild. And, its a girl.. of which she never had. I had and still have fantastic grandparents at 40!! and i don't want my daughter to suffer. Hopefully things will get better.

Sorry am rambling..
I need to get out more!!
Z.
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Old Mar 23rd 2011, 9:09 pm
  #20  
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Default Re: help.. am in a mega pickle

Well you sound a lot better today
Heres hoping he's up for the counseling and you can get some issues sorted
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Old Mar 24th 2011, 8:19 pm
  #21  
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Default Re: help.. am in a mega pickle

Originally Posted by alien species
4. My parents give $1000/750 GBP per month, to each grandchild within our family per month.
Can they adopt me?
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