Family differences
 

Hi, I have read a few posts where people have emigrated and they now want to move back to the UK but their partners/ children are settled in whatever country they are in. So I just wondered if people would care to post on what their status is regarding whether they feel happy where they are and if there are differing feelings in their family members?
I personally want to move back to the UK but we can't move yet due to OHs job. There are some days that I want to go back now and others when I want to stay for a few years yet. It gets very unsettling and confusing. Today is a day when I could gladly start packing and just go, not because I don't like it here but because I want to go back to UK more than I want to stay here. My OH wants to go back eventually but not yet. :confused:

Re: Family differences
 

How long have you lived abroad ( and in which country are you living now?)

I think it must be very hard for someone whose spouse is not from the same country, because moving back would certainly have the other spouse thinking the same and wanting to return to their native land.

Regarding any children that may have been born and consider themselves from the country of their birth I think must be even more confusing because no matter how you try to convince them that living in UK is going to be brilliant, they'd likely not have the same opinions unless they're very young when you move back :(

Re: Family differences
 

Hey! Interesting line of thought, for me anyway. I moved OS to try out my husband's country because that was the deal when we got together (he also lived in the UK prior to this) The hard part is that you always feel like you are living in their shadow because it is their country/life not yours. That they have an advantage. Its a big mental block for me which I have tried to figure out but is really hard at times and of course would be the same if the reverse were true. Having kids in the equation makes it even harder...You want to go home and all would be "fine" for me personally but the doubt creeps in for your kids-where is better for them/for us as a family? I struggle with it a lot!!

Re: Family differences
 

We're in NZ and have been here 2 years. We thought we would be here for the rest of our lives, but at Christmas, our 2nd here which we didn't enjoy at all, we talked and realised we definitely want to move back to the UK. I guess for me it is unsettling when you realise that the new country of residence isn't home and probably never will be. It's a great country but just not for us long term. My son and daughter in law joined us from Oz and they may or may not want to stay in this part of the world. Only time will tell. It was hard saying goodbye to them the first time, now it would be heartbreaking all over again. I don't know if I could leave them here to go back and live in the UK.

Re: Family differences
 

Hi,
We moved to NZ 6 years ago, expected it to be forever. I realised early on I would'nt never want to go back home. I always said to the family, I will go back one day. A couple of years in and enough was enough so I asked my OH and kids what they thought. After the huge shock my husband decided we should go.
Sadly out of our 3 kids our daughter didn't want to. So we waited, oldest returned to UK and still we waited until she finished school.
So we left in November and left our daughter there to go to Uni. I speak to her every day and do miss her, but love being home.

Good Luck

Re: Family differences
 

Our experiences are not far apart! OH is quite happy here, but I yearn to get back "home" to the UK. OH's job is here and he would see moving back as a backwards step [although he knows how unhappy I am here and assures me we will move back "one day"]. It is confusing, and I know how you feel.

I don't want him to be unhappy, and vice versa. It's the curse of the ex-pat apparently :blink:

PM me if you would like to chat :thumbsup:

Re: Family differences
 

Hi there

Yes I have never settled like really settled here in NZ we're in Auckland. Some days we both think hey lets wait around for Citizenship then move home and other days we are just like lets go now.

I think out of me and Andy I am the one who misses the UK the most, he has always been happy to crusie along here until whenever but he has always wanted to go back to the UK to live at some point.

Both of us knew when we came here 6 years ago this wasn't forever as we never truly settled.

We have now made the decision finally to move back in Oct as my Dad gave us a generous offer to help our move back :)

Which part of NZ are you in?

Georgina

Re: Family differences
 

Just to add our situation - been here in NZ for 8 years. I definitely want to go back. Middle daughter went back in Dec but hasn't managed to get a job and is missing her friends so has talked about returning. Eldest daughter has said she will stay here and hubby and son change their minds on a regular basis!

Hubby, son and I have citizenship, eldest daughter has applied for hers, middle daughter refused to get it because she always said she would go back.

We are going back for a visit in April so I'm hoping this will offer some conclusions for us.

Would hate to go back and hubby and son hate it. :confused:

Re: Family differences
 

I have been away from the UK for 10 years (7 NZ and 3 OZ) but am leaving my 16yo son here in NZ with his Dad as we are separating after 25 years odd. Also my eldest at Uni overseas still considers NZ his home so even harder as he says he can only come back once a year at Xmas and wants to come back to NZ then so he can see his friends. This means I will be totally on my own without my sons. But my 16yo goes to a lovely school near the beach and his Dad lives in a lovely area plus he has just started his Cambridge AS Levels so I dont want to just take him away from that, even though I think the UK system for A Levels is much better. He has a chilled out life here and history as he's been here since he was 6. Having said this, he has said he may change his mind and come back to the UK as he missess it as we have been back for a holiday etc. I have recently been wondering why I am leaving these sea views and quaint little town etc for the low salaries and bad weather. But I think its what I need right now and have put on so much weight here its just not who I want to be. I look at it as something I need for my health and can also see my parents etc When you have children, decisions like this are never easy. If my son was any younger I would not be going I dont think.

Re: Family differences
 

I am a UKC, living in the USA since 1990. My husband is a USC and we have a 21 year old daughter. A year ago she said she wanted to live overseas, so I started looking into her maybe studying in London where I am from. That's when I found out that she was British by descent and set about getting her passport. We talked about it some more, and then she put it on the back burner.

But I suddenly couldn't get the idea of moving back myself off my mind! So for the last 6 months my husband and I have been planning to return. He is older and will be retired. We will use the sale of the house and a small business to qualify for a spouse visa.

Our daughter will graduate university this May and then pursue a further degree. In 2 years she will be out of college and will decide then whether to come with us or not. It will be really hard to leave her behind but we as things go over here we would more than likely be living in different parts of the country anyway, and would just be a plane ride away either way. Right now she really likes the idea that she could have two homes.

We plan on making a recon trip over this year or next, as her college schedule permits, as we need to select an area to live in.
So for us it could take up to 3 years - maybe as much as 5 if we want to earn a little more money with our business before we sell. All up in the air, but I am planning every last detail now anyway! Don't know what I would have done without this forum.

Re: Family differences
 

My health is not nearly as good as it was in the UK, including weight gain. But I do think a lot of it has to do with not being happy here. I had no idea that this was the problem all these years. I just went along with life thinking that this was as good as it gets :(

Re: Family differences
 

Hi Choccie,

Are you just going back to your home town? Try and have a look at some other places to make the others more interested.
We moved to a totally different area and are really happy. We have been to our home town and some things have changed there. Going back to where your from is not always the best move.

Good luck with the visit.

Carole

Re: Family differences
 

You must be me !!!! I feel exactly the same, shame really !

Re: Family differences
 

Good advice Carole :)

We are moving about 50 mins away from our old town due to Dad letting us have his cottage for a few months, but we are so excited on a new area :)

Re: Family differences
 

The NZ dollar is very strong and will buy 55pence lately. It would only buy 50p when we moved to NZ in 2011. I look at the exchange rate and it seems to be saying to me, 'what are you waiting for ?' It's very, 'come hither' at present.

We're not yet ready to make plans to go through all that upheaval should we decide to return to Britain.

I don't feel the need to live in our old home town. I would look into living anywhere decent within a 200 mile radius of where we used to live. I'm not wedded to our old home town. Just the occasional visit will do. However, if sods law plays a part and we end up in the same county we used to live in then so be it.