Jack Bowman

Folks,

I’ll be in the Caribbean for the next few years, after 20 years outside my mother country, Britain. After that, I was thinking of moving back to the UK.

I was thinking about moving to Portsmouth, but a member of this site has publicly baptized Portsmouth as a “shithole”. Is Portsmouth really a shithole? Are the 200,000 people who live in Portsmouth aware that they live in a shithole? Is there anyone from Portsmouth or the surrounding area on this site? If so, is Portsmouth a shithole?

I always thought the place was quite pleasant, myself..

Best wishes to you, and all thanks for any good advice.

Jack Bowman

Please do not move this post again from the forum on which I originally posted it, the one in which one of your "members" baptized the entire British city of Portsmouth as a "shithole".

Thanks for your cooperation.

St.Georges Girl

Oh this should be good for a laugh at work today....

I like P'mouth very much. Like anywhere, there are good and bad parts. Contact a member called 'Thunderbird', he lives there and loves it.

Danny B

Please let me draw your attention to Portsdown Hill, which is situated a mile or so out of Portsmouth and more specifically The Viewpoint, a car park offering a panoramic view of this chav-ridden, Vauxhall Nova infested varucca at the foot of this country we love. From here you can see such wonderous sights as Wilmcote House, a tower block so vast and so full of benefit claiming / swindling chavs and their varied offspring, that it actually used to warrant it's own social security office. To put this into perspective the rest of the city is catered for by just two offices.
Also on view is the attractive landfill site that is a magnet for chav's and their illegitimate young to use as an impromptu motocross track on any number of stolen motorcycles.

But it is at night when the Viewpoint really comes to life. It is then that a convoy of Saxo's, Nova's, Peugeot's and Fords arrive in a blaze of neon glory to shatter the peace and tranquility with the relentless booming of their in car entertainment systems. Each car, in accordance with local byelaws has six occupants shoehorned into it, whose faces are not made any prettier by the ghostly glow of the blue/green/red/purple neon strip which is always situated on the dash. The cars then park up on the gravel side by side and on command all the windows will lower which gives the Portsdown chav an opportunity to shout through the line of car windows at his mate parked at the other end of the line. No self respecting chav will venture from the safety of his "motor" for fear of the dust/mud that could collect on his Reeboks.

Until recently it was a closely observed law that all chav-mobiles were required to wheel-spin throught the car park before parking (No mean feat in an 1100 Nova I'm sure) but this recently and dramtically although unfortunately not tragically came to an end. Upon undertaking the obligatory wheel spin one evening an unsuspecting chav "motorist" neglected to notice a stone flick up from his tyre and bounce loudly into a nearby motorcycle causing a small dent to the tank. Now unfortunatley for the young burberry cap wearing fool, the motorcycle belonged to a man with the build of a small hillside. Said man then proceeded to walk to where the car was parked and tapped on the window. When burberry boy lowered the window and enquired "What the **** do you want??" the large biker grabbed him by his 9ct neck and proceeded to repeatedly bounce him up and down in his seat. On every upward stroke the chavs head made a satisfying empty thud on the roof of the car, his fake burberry cap providing no protection. Shame. When the biker had tired of this he tore the Nova's wing mirror off the side of the car and then set about beating it repeatedly against the now concussed chav's head.

I think you'll agree, an inspiration and a hero to us all.

So there we have it. Portsdown Hill. Essentially Portsmouth in microcosm. A way of observing the chav way of life without actually having to get your feet dirty and venture into town itself.

Paul

Had you posted in the correct forum, it would not have been moved. Please take the time to read the forum descriptions. It will save us all time.

nephilim

Amazing story I have lived in portsmouth and I never saw anything you mentioned portsdown hill is lovely spent many summer day up there and evenings ,how can you slate a whole town like that I really dont think that is necessary.Portsmouth is a great place.

Silly Sod

Shitehole. Wouldn't piss on the place if you paid me. Hope this helps.

TeamEmbo

Had a friend who was a paramedic there. Routinely and habitually called out to scoop wasted drunken drugged up scum out of the gutter and lost count of the number of times he was attacked in return for answering the 999 call. Lived nearby myself for 16 years. It really is the arsehole of England.

kez81

where about in the caribbean are you? bet its lovely whats it like living there?

nephilim

Oh my goodness these reactions seem very bitter,I am sure most cities have there problems,but to say the whole place is a shit hole is plain daft,Knew many professional people ie solicitors,CID who both worked and lived in portsmouth and obviously dealt with many a problem on a day to day basis but still chose to live in portsmouth one friend lived in horndean the other near canoe lake.Oh we have a really good football team too.Each to there own.I reckon the bahamas must be really nice holidayed in grenada in 2005 if its anything like there must be paradise.

Jude J

I lived there for 6 years, and I liked it. My husband lived in the block of flats mentioned in that ramble and he's done alright for himself! that part of the city is a shithole though.
And, we got married on Portsdown Hill!!! Not near the viewpoint, but along the top there. That was only 6 years ago, so its made me quite sad to read what its like now.

Meow

Of all the places I could choose to live in the UK, Portsmouth wouldn't even make the list!! The town centre is not nice (despite architectural improvements in recent years) and not exactly the safest place to be when full of drunken sailors.

Areas outside of the city are MUCH nicer.

The shock os moving from the Caribbean to Portsmouth would be massive. Don't forget your thermals. Good luck!

Stiffler

"Yes that time comes for the Lord as it does for every one of us. So a long time ago in a place not so faraway the “Great Almighty” positioned his lower substructure through the heavens and then after an enormous heave, a humongous pile of shit fell forth. The “Almighty” then pronounced, “I name this humungous and disgusting pile of shit ‘Portsmouth’. And there we have it the birth of a shit, oh sorry I mean Portsmouth"!

jonfrank123

There isn't one city on this planet that doesn't have a "shithole" part. To slate a whole city is ridiculous

As for the cold, well it's all relative, I live in Canada where it really is cold and am back in the UK for a week, it really isn't all that bad in England, it was 15 degrees yesterday!! in winter.

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