Being far away at difficult times
Jun 23rd 2010, 5:26 am
#16
BE Forum Addict
Joined: Sep 2003
Location: Grand Rapids, MI
Posts: 4,525
Re: Being far away at difficult times
Sorry for your loss 
My mother died suddenly 4 years and it was very hard being so far away, even though I did get back for the funeral the distance was still difficult.
My mother died suddenly 4 years and it was very hard being so far away, even though I did get back for the funeral the distance was still difficult.
Jun 23rd 2010, 6:19 pm
#17
Forum Regular
Joined: Dec 2005
Posts: 149
Re: Being far away at difficult times
I can totally relate to this . My Uncle's funeral was on Monday. I did get to see him last time I went over, but he was told he had a year to live and it turned out to be a couple of weeks after he was told that, that he died.
Its not just losing the person and not being there for me, its that it brings up everything else. After 6 years, the USA doesn't feel like home to me and I don't think it ever will, and when something like this happens it makes me think of all the other things and people I gave up to be here.
To add to it, I sing in my church, and because Sunday falls on July 4th I will be singing the national anthem and God Bless America (my home sweet home? Blecch!) in the service. Don't get me wrong, it can be great to hear a room full of people singing the anthem of their country (though I question its place in the service, unfortunately I have learned here that worshipping God and worshipping America is apparently the same thing...lol
) but I know I will feel so alone in that room, they are also doing the pledge of allegiance and I am standing on the platform so it will be noticed if I don't. Which I won't. I may just step down for that bit so its not so obvious.
It would help if my husband made the slightest effort to understand how I feel.
But I digress! I thought about coming on here and seeing if anyone had a similar experience, with the funeral and then found this thread. I'm sorry you DID have that experience, but glad you can find support here.
Ruth x
Its not just losing the person and not being there for me, its that it brings up everything else. After 6 years, the USA doesn't feel like home to me and I don't think it ever will, and when something like this happens it makes me think of all the other things and people I gave up to be here.
To add to it, I sing in my church, and because Sunday falls on July 4th I will be singing the national anthem and God Bless America (my home sweet home? Blecch!) in the service. Don't get me wrong, it can be great to hear a room full of people singing the anthem of their country (though I question its place in the service, unfortunately I have learned here that worshipping God and worshipping America is apparently the same thing...lol
) but I know I will feel so alone in that room, they are also doing the pledge of allegiance and I am standing on the platform so it will be noticed if I don't. Which I won't. I may just step down for that bit so its not so obvious.It would help if my husband made the slightest effort to understand how I feel.
But I digress! I thought about coming on here and seeing if anyone had a similar experience, with the funeral and then found this thread. I'm sorry you DID have that experience, but glad you can find support here.
Ruth x
Jun 23rd 2010, 6:31 pm
#18
BE Enthusiast
Joined: Jul 2008
Location: United States
Posts: 432
Re: Being far away at difficult times
TR, so sorry about your news! This is probably my worst fear living so far away from home. I know we don't always get to do or say the things we want to, but i'm sure your friend knew you well, and knew how you felt.
Have a beer for me!
Have a beer for me!
Jun 25th 2010, 6:10 pm
#19
Joined: Mar 2009
Location: Google Town
Posts: 7,532
Re: Being far away at difficult times
Thanks everyone for your kind words. The idea of doing something myself at the time of the funeral appealed to me so may do that.
My friend was a real character with a huge social life. He founded the annual beer festival in his town 15 years ago and it went from strength to strength and became a fairly big event on the UK beer calendar. Tonight I'm going to a local pub that has a good selection of quality US craft beers (something he gained an appreciation for late in his life) and raise a glass (or two) to him.
My friend was a real character with a huge social life. He founded the annual beer festival in his town 15 years ago and it went from strength to strength and became a fairly big event on the UK beer calendar. Tonight I'm going to a local pub that has a good selection of quality US craft beers (something he gained an appreciation for late in his life) and raise a glass (or two) to him.
Really sorry about your friend, being so far away from friends and family is so hard at times like these.
Jun 25th 2010, 6:24 pm
#20
Ginger Monkey
Joined: Jun 2007
Location: Cheeseland, WI
Posts: 2,772
Re: Being far away at difficult times
That's very sad. I'm sorry to hear about your loss.
When my Da died last year (my Mum's dad), I was 4,000 miles away and eight months pregnant. It was absolute torture not being able to see him during his last days, or even go to the funeral. Instead, I wrote a piece about him for the funeral service and drank some bucks fizz to toast him with. It was devastating, but sometimes there's just nothing you can do. I hope you're doing okay, Tonrob. I suggest heating up some sprouts.
When my Da died last year (my Mum's dad), I was 4,000 miles away and eight months pregnant. It was absolute torture not being able to see him during his last days, or even go to the funeral. Instead, I wrote a piece about him for the funeral service and drank some bucks fizz to toast him with. It was devastating, but sometimes there's just nothing you can do. I hope you're doing okay, Tonrob. I suggest heating up some sprouts.
Jun 25th 2010, 7:36 pm
#21
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Joined: Aug 2008
Location: Virginia
Posts: 978
Re: Being far away at difficult times
Sorry to hear of your loss TR. Something that is as the forefront of my mind as I leave due to my mum being quite elderly. Your tribute sounds like a good way to mark his passing.
Jun 25th 2010, 7:43 pm
#22
Welsh and proud in Texas
Joined: Feb 2009
Location: Houston, TX
Posts: 152
Re: Being far away at difficult times
Sorry bach. Hope time heals. Beer will help.
Take care.
Take care.
Jun 25th 2010, 10:13 pm
#23
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Joined: Jan 2007
Location: Maryland
Posts: 485
Re: Being far away at difficult times
It scares the hell out of me. I have a 96 year old grandmother and if anything happened, I doubt I could afford the plane fare to rush over. Plus making arrangement for childcare etc while I was gone...I have told her she has to make sure she lives to at least 100 so I will have got a better job by then....Babies have been born, parties had...I am a photographer so it's doubly hard knowing I'm missing out on documenting all of the daily lives of those dearest to me....
