all going pear shaped
Jan 15th 2007, 8:59 pm
#16
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Joined: Feb 2004
Posts: 987
Re: all going pear shaped
So sorry to hear you are having such a tough time.
Cannot offer any advice I'm afarid other than to hang on in there these things happen as its part of life and life can be so hard at times.
Wishing you all the best and hoping things resolve themselves soon.
Cannot offer any advice I'm afarid other than to hang on in there these things happen as its part of life and life can be so hard at times.
Wishing you all the best and hoping things resolve themselves soon.
Jan 15th 2007, 9:49 pm
#17
Ping-ponger
Joined: Jul 2002
Location: Dreich Alba
Posts: 12,005
Re: all going pear shaped
Blimey Mate, you're having a rough time aren't you? Hang in there for the kids, and call home often. Things will work out, even though it may seem hard to believe it right now. And post on here as often as you need, lots of us have been through the wars overseas. Chin up.
Jan 15th 2007, 10:00 pm
#18
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Joined: Jul 2002
Location: B.c Canada
Posts: 910
Re: all going pear shaped
PSB182....
I was thinking that were do you live? someone might live down the street..
I was thinking that were do you live? someone might live down the street..
Where in the US are you? I got a mate who lives in NY who may know some one, no guarantee at all mind you but i will ask for you. I know its tough for you but you have to be tougher. Just check my old posts about what happened to us in NZ. Hope it all works out for you, best of luck to you and your family.
Jan 15th 2007, 11:02 pm
#19
beam me up scotty
Joined: Aug 2006
Location: theres no intelligent life here
Posts: 735
Re: all going pear shaped
i'm really sorry to hear you are struggling .I know nothing of American law rules and practices but could you rent your house and take some of the work mentioned in Canada might notbe the perfect solution but it might turn out to be the ducks watsits .
Jan 15th 2007, 11:55 pm
#20
BE Site Lead
Joined: Aug 2004
Location: MA, USA
Posts: 92,170
Re: all going pear shaped
problem with visa's and the like...but then again, if he were a USC, there is NAFTA, but I think that's for only certain fields, that require a uni degree, so probably rules most trades out.
Jan 16th 2007, 3:00 am
#21
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Re: all going pear shaped
Hey Calle how are you doing?
Over christmas I drove through Alsager and looking at all the countryside I was thinking of you,hope everything is well with you and the family.
My wife is in Wilmslow at the moment taking care of her mum,don't know how long she will be there but the doc's say there is nothing they can do for her mum,liver cancer same as my mum this summer,worst part about it she is only 65 and just about to retire.
I am keeping it together but it's hard,I guess the older you get the more you appreciate people (for me anyway) because 20 yrs ago I know this would have an effect on me but it would be nothing like the way I have been feeling.
Her mum worked in the hospice as a nurse taking care of very sick people all the time,she is a real life angel that everyone loves and she would do anything for anyone I was very very lucky to get a MIL like her.
btw I live in western Mass
Over christmas I drove through Alsager and looking at all the countryside I was thinking of you,hope everything is well with you and the family.
My wife is in Wilmslow at the moment taking care of her mum,don't know how long she will be there but the doc's say there is nothing they can do for her mum,liver cancer same as my mum this summer,worst part about it she is only 65 and just about to retire.
I am keeping it together but it's hard,I guess the older you get the more you appreciate people (for me anyway) because 20 yrs ago I know this would have an effect on me but it would be nothing like the way I have been feeling.
Her mum worked in the hospice as a nurse taking care of very sick people all the time,she is a real life angel that everyone loves and she would do anything for anyone I was very very lucky to get a MIL like her.
btw I live in western Mass
Jan 16th 2007, 7:01 am
#22
Home at last
Joined: Mar 2004
Location: Beautiful UK
Posts: 866
Re: all going pear shaped
Hey Calle how are you doing?
Over christmas I drove through Alsager and looking at all the countryside I was thinking of you,hope everything is well with you and the family.
My wife is in Wilmslow at the moment taking care of her mum,don't know how long she will be there but the doc's say there is nothing they can do for her mum,liver cancer same as my mum this summer,worst part about it she is only 65 and just about to retire.
I am keeping it together but it's hard,I guess the older you get the more you appreciate people (for me anyway) because 20 yrs ago I know this would have an effect on me but it would be nothing like the way I have been feeling.
Her mum worked in the hospice as a nurse taking care of very sick people all the time,she is a real life angel that everyone loves and she would do anything for anyone I was very very lucky to get a MIL like her.
btw I live in western Mass
Over christmas I drove through Alsager and looking at all the countryside I was thinking of you,hope everything is well with you and the family.
My wife is in Wilmslow at the moment taking care of her mum,don't know how long she will be there but the doc's say there is nothing they can do for her mum,liver cancer same as my mum this summer,worst part about it she is only 65 and just about to retire.
I am keeping it together but it's hard,I guess the older you get the more you appreciate people (for me anyway) because 20 yrs ago I know this would have an effect on me but it would be nothing like the way I have been feeling.
Her mum worked in the hospice as a nurse taking care of very sick people all the time,she is a real life angel that everyone loves and she would do anything for anyone I was very very lucky to get a MIL like her.
btw I live in western Mass
I am doing alright. I haved moved from Alsager to Baddeley Green, just up the A53 towards Leek. I love it here. Are you going to be visiting here again whilst your wife is here? How did you feel about being back when you did visit?
I am really sorry about your mum and MIL. You are right, as we get older these things hit us harder. We have seen enough years to really appreciate good people and it grieves us so much to lose them. Our selfish younger years have passed and we see the important things so much clearer. Shame this wisdom doesnt come sooner, huh?
But as you know, all this will come to pass, and you will have many more briliant times with your children and others.
Please keep us informed, and talk to us. We are your friends.
Jan 16th 2007, 9:37 am
#23
Life is more than a dream
Joined: Oct 2006
Location: Kings Moss, UK - it's a bit like Emmerdale
Posts: 1,389
Re: all going pear shaped
Hi there PSB - it must be so difficult for you being without your wife and daughter - it's hard enough all being together when things go wrong, so doing it while the family is split like this must be just awful for you all. I really hope you carry on being strong for your own and your families sakes and I truly hope things get better for you all very soon.
Jan 16th 2007, 7:50 pm
#24
Hanging by a thread
Joined: Jun 2005
Location: England to Spain, Spain to England and back home for good
Posts: 218
Re: all going pear shaped
Hi PSB, so sorry to hear of your situation and although I can offer no more advice than that already given, just wanted to say I hope things get better for you soon. I lost my Mam and Dad when they were no age so I know what your going through. Take care and we are all thinking of you here.
Sparkle
Sparkle
Jan 24th 2007, 12:03 am
#25
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Re: all going pear shaped
UPDATE,
I talked to the wife tonight, she had changed her date on the flight to jan 27 originally coming back in the 3rd but because of her mums condition she needed more time.Anyway I asked her if she was getting on that plane on the 27th and she said she can't get on a plane knowing it would be the last time she sees her mum,plus her mum would be in a right mess without her which is true.
So basically it seems I will see my wife and daughter when her mum dies whenever that maybe,I never thought I would ever be in the situation I am in right now,btw her job provides health insurance and she is under some illusion she will keep her job once she tells them she won't be back at work on the 29th and has no fixed date of when she will be back just whenever her mum dies.
If she looses her job and we loose health insurance I will have to pay about $800 per month for it (self employed) also we loose her $1000 per month income.
Sorry to go on with my sob story but I just have to vent somewhere as my kids (2 came back with me) for sure don't need to hear it,just wondering has anyone been in a situation like this before????
I talked to the wife tonight, she had changed her date on the flight to jan 27 originally coming back in the 3rd but because of her mums condition she needed more time.Anyway I asked her if she was getting on that plane on the 27th and she said she can't get on a plane knowing it would be the last time she sees her mum,plus her mum would be in a right mess without her which is true.
So basically it seems I will see my wife and daughter when her mum dies whenever that maybe,I never thought I would ever be in the situation I am in right now,btw her job provides health insurance and she is under some illusion she will keep her job once she tells them she won't be back at work on the 29th and has no fixed date of when she will be back just whenever her mum dies.
If she looses her job and we loose health insurance I will have to pay about $800 per month for it (self employed) also we loose her $1000 per month income.
Sorry to go on with my sob story but I just have to vent somewhere as my kids (2 came back with me) for sure don't need to hear it,just wondering has anyone been in a situation like this before????
Jan 24th 2007, 12:37 am
#26
BE Forum Addict
Joined: Aug 2003
Location: NJ
Posts: 1,272
Re: all going pear shaped
Sorry to hear about your problems.
The only advice I can give is to get some St Johns Wort, it worked for me when I was going through a rough time over here.
The only advice I can give is to get some St Johns Wort, it worked for me when I was going through a rough time over here.
Jan 24th 2007, 12:53 am
#27
Account Closed
Joined: Jul 2006
Posts: 2,199
Re: all going pear shaped
UPDATE,
I talked to the wife tonight, she had changed her date on the flight to jan 27 originally coming back in the 3rd but because of her mums condition she needed more time.Anyway I asked her if she was getting on that plane on the 27th and she said she can't get on a plane knowing it would be the last time she sees her mum,plus her mum would be in a right mess without her which is true.
So basically it seems I will see my wife and daughter when her mum dies whenever that maybe,I never thought I would ever be in the situation I am in right now,btw her job provides health insurance and she is under some illusion she will keep her job once she tells them she won't be back at work on the 29th and has no fixed date of when she will be back just whenever her mum dies.
If she looses her job and we loose health insurance I will have to pay about $800 per month for it (self employed) also we loose her $1000 per month income.
Sorry to go on with my sob story but I just have to vent somewhere as my kids (2 came back with me) for sure don't need to hear it,just wondering has anyone been in a situation like this before????
I talked to the wife tonight, she had changed her date on the flight to jan 27 originally coming back in the 3rd but because of her mums condition she needed more time.Anyway I asked her if she was getting on that plane on the 27th and she said she can't get on a plane knowing it would be the last time she sees her mum,plus her mum would be in a right mess without her which is true.
So basically it seems I will see my wife and daughter when her mum dies whenever that maybe,I never thought I would ever be in the situation I am in right now,btw her job provides health insurance and she is under some illusion she will keep her job once she tells them she won't be back at work on the 29th and has no fixed date of when she will be back just whenever her mum dies.
If she looses her job and we loose health insurance I will have to pay about $800 per month for it (self employed) also we loose her $1000 per month income.
Sorry to go on with my sob story but I just have to vent somewhere as my kids (2 came back with me) for sure don't need to hear it,just wondering has anyone been in a situation like this before????
Just out of curiosity..do you plan on living in the states forever or do you want to return to the UK anyway?
Could you make the move and sell up yourself and go back to the UK and all be together..or does your wife want to live in the USA?
With all these worries and money problems i just thought the best thing to do was sell up and go back home to be with family and your wife.
I hope things improve for you. All the best.
Jan 24th 2007, 1:06 am
#28
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Re: all going pear shaped
Sorry to hear your bad news...it is terrible when loved ones are ill back in the UK and we feel useless over here.
Just out of curiosity..do you plan on living in the states forever or do you want to return to the UK anyway?
Could you make the move and sell up yourself and go back to the UK and all be together..or does your wife want to live in the USA?
With all these worries and money problems i just thought the best thing to do was sell up and go back home to be with family and your wife.
I hope things improve for you. All the best.
Just out of curiosity..do you plan on living in the states forever or do you want to return to the UK anyway?
Could you make the move and sell up yourself and go back to the UK and all be together..or does your wife want to live in the USA?
With all these worries and money problems i just thought the best thing to do was sell up and go back home to be with family and your wife.
I hope things improve for you. All the best.
Jan 24th 2007, 1:17 am
#29
Account Closed
Joined: Jul 2006
Posts: 2,199
Re: all going pear shaped
Basically we moved to OZ for a better way of living, including money. Some say money doesn't matter, but of course it does. How can you enjoy life if all you do is worry about paying the next bill, not having a social life after working long hours for nothing.
I would go back home tomorrow too, but it's not as easy as that really is it.
God knows what i would do if my mum was ill..i really feel for your wife and admire her for staying with her mum till the end.
Jan 24th 2007, 1:22 am
#30
Forum Regular
Joined: Sep 2005
Posts: 274
Re: all going pear shaped
Over the past 6-12 months things have gone very steadily down hill,it started with the death of my mother over the summer then gradually the work situation started to get worse (self employed in construction) and recently the bills are greater than my income which is taking a beating out of our savings.
The work situation looks pretty grim for the rest of this year and competitors are starting to drop their prices just to find a days pay which means I will soon have less work and also less money for the actual work I do so it's really a double whammy.
To top it off my wifes grandad died over christmas and also my MIL who is actually as good a MIL as you will find has been diagnosed with terminal cancer.Right now 1/2 my family (wife and youngest daughter) are in the UK taking care of MIL and me and oldest children are here in the states.I think my wife will be over there until the end and how long that is I have no idea I would take a wild guess between 2-8 months I just know she could not get on a plane knowing full well she will never see her mum again.My wife and her mum are very close and like 2 peas in a pod they are both so kind and always wanting to take care of people.
The house seems like a cheap hotel without my wife and daughter here,I was always a believer that depression was a state of mind and can be changed at any time but maybe now I will re-evaluate that thought as I am pretty sure the way I feel is what people describe as depressed.
It seems recently the only news we get is bad news followed by more bad news,I have always been a positive person but its hard to look in the mirror right now and say "today is going to be a good day"
The kids at home with me are doing very good considering their mum and sister are not here,helping out everyday with household chores and the house looks similar to what it looked like when my wife is around,I guess I should look at that as a positive and realize how lucky I am to have them,with the events over the past year they are growing up real fast.
The dilema I am facing with the work situation I can only see two options
1,move somewhere else in the states where there is plenty of construction work
2,go home to the UK and do construction
That is the only field I have ever worked in and never been educated in anything else so I don't believe I could find another job in a different field earning anywhere near the money I have been used to earning.
This is starting to get long winded but I just had to get this off my chest and with very few friends over here I thought I would post it on here.
Everyday I am thankfull of the family I have but at the moment it does not feel like a family I hate my house without my wife and daughter and it maybe quite a while before they are back,even the dog hates it lol I can tell he knows something is wrong.I just had to get this off my chest and perhaps it will do me a bit of good and give me positive things to think about
The work situation looks pretty grim for the rest of this year and competitors are starting to drop their prices just to find a days pay which means I will soon have less work and also less money for the actual work I do so it's really a double whammy.
To top it off my wifes grandad died over christmas and also my MIL who is actually as good a MIL as you will find has been diagnosed with terminal cancer.Right now 1/2 my family (wife and youngest daughter) are in the UK taking care of MIL and me and oldest children are here in the states.I think my wife will be over there until the end and how long that is I have no idea I would take a wild guess between 2-8 months I just know she could not get on a plane knowing full well she will never see her mum again.My wife and her mum are very close and like 2 peas in a pod they are both so kind and always wanting to take care of people.
The house seems like a cheap hotel without my wife and daughter here,I was always a believer that depression was a state of mind and can be changed at any time but maybe now I will re-evaluate that thought as I am pretty sure the way I feel is what people describe as depressed.
It seems recently the only news we get is bad news followed by more bad news,I have always been a positive person but its hard to look in the mirror right now and say "today is going to be a good day"
The kids at home with me are doing very good considering their mum and sister are not here,helping out everyday with household chores and the house looks similar to what it looked like when my wife is around,I guess I should look at that as a positive and realize how lucky I am to have them,with the events over the past year they are growing up real fast.
The dilema I am facing with the work situation I can only see two options
1,move somewhere else in the states where there is plenty of construction work
2,go home to the UK and do construction
That is the only field I have ever worked in and never been educated in anything else so I don't believe I could find another job in a different field earning anywhere near the money I have been used to earning.
This is starting to get long winded but I just had to get this off my chest and with very few friends over here I thought I would post it on here.
Everyday I am thankfull of the family I have but at the moment it does not feel like a family I hate my house without my wife and daughter and it maybe quite a while before they are back,even the dog hates it lol I can tell he knows something is wrong.I just had to get this off my chest and perhaps it will do me a bit of good and give me positive things to think about