randomgirl

Tell me about it! It makes me so mad, he's being really rude and completely inconsiderate. I'm sticking to my guns and not contacting him at all until he contacts me. If he just sends me another crappy email after another couple of weeks, as seems to be his style, then I think I'll ignore that too. Then he'll likely turn around and get annoyed with me - it's always double standards with him... e.g. it's ok for him to be an hour late but someone else is all of 2 minutes late and they never hear the end of it, etc. etc.

I also agree with you on the control thing - you're probably spot on with that observation. It's totally lame and judging by some of the horrible things he said to me while he was here in January I think he really resents me for leaving the UK. The way he treats me though just makes me all the more happy to be away from that infuriating man!


My parents split up 16 years ago and they have no contact whatsoever, they can't stand each other. That's why my dad would be so annoyed if I rubbed it in and told him just how wonderful my mom is at calling me...

I definitely will wait for him to initiate contact though. Maybe hell will freeze over first!

nettlebed

Your moving from the UK removes you further from his control, pissing him off even more. That's a positive result! Ah, missed that. Yep, let him know, then play the waiting game.

Have fun (I was tempted to say "Good luck!" but looking at this objectively you are in control here: you don't need luck, you need resolve and patience...

randomgirl

You're probably right.
I think the real issue is that he's full of his own self importance and really doesn't give a damn about anyone else. He says otherwise, but I'm a firm believer in actions speaking louder than words and his actions (or inactions) speak volumes!

The way your FIL and BIL act would really make me angry - how disrespectful to be so late routinely, or to simply not show. I think I'd stop inviting them if I were you - nobody would blame you. Easier said than done with family though!

randomgirl

I think you're really onto something here!

He's annoyed me for many, many years with his selfish attitude and "me me me" mentality, but having someone outside of the situation commenting really does help, so thank you!

He routinely treats me like an imbecile (I'm much more educated than him, btw!) and when he was here he made me miserable, always having a go at me and telling me how I should be doing this or that with my life. Hubby even had to step in once because my dad didn't believe me when I said I can't just work in my profession in the US, as the exam I'd need to sit to get registered here is only available to people who studied in the US! Which means another 2 years of uni, when I've done 4 already and we want to start a family soon so that's out of the question really. (Not to mention completely demeaning, as my UK qualifications are more comprehensive than the US equivalent by all accounts!) But anyway, that's just another example of his attitude towards me!

Kaffy Mintcake

Honestly, I don't think they mean to be rude, they just aren't thinking. Likewise we get them birthday gifts each year and while they get one for my husband, I don't think it's ever occurred to them that I have a birthday as well. No card, no gift. It doesn't really bother me much, but it's not very thoughtful (particularly as I end up being the one to shop for his family's birthdays).

I wouldn't deny my husband the opportunity to see his family. What I will do, however, is not hold up what I want to do to accomodate them if they are late, etc. They also tend to not know when it's time to go home (if we have work the next day they might still be sitting on the couch watching TV at 10:30 or even 11:00pm.) I just go to bed and they get the hint.

randomgirl

Haha! Sorry this sentence "I don't think it's ever occurred to them that I have a birthday as well" made me chuckle. You have a good way with words! How inconsiderate of them though, seriously.

I guess I'm lucky with the birthday thing - my in-laws are Jehovah witnesses so they don't 'do' birthdays or Christmas! (we're not into that so we do both, but obviously don't get them anything because it would offend them).

As for your BIL and FIL not knowing when to leave, you're definitely doing the right thing by going to bed to drop the hint.
Sounds as though they're pretty thoughtless, but as you say, it's probably not really rudeness so much as just not thinking. Not that it really helps!

Kaffy Mintcake

They might actually be pretty embarassed if I was ever to talk to them about something like that. On the one hand they can be thoughtless, on the other hand whenever we travel my FIL drives an hour south every few days to take care of our cats for us. That's pretty selfless in my book and beyond what I would expect him to do, and he does it everytime. So I overlook other things.

Hope Phoenix is treating you well and that you meet some nice people there soon. I have family in Phoenix, Tucscon and Sedona. Arizona is a different world from the UK, that's for sure, but I hope you're enjoying it, even if it is hard to be far away from home.

randomgirl

Aww, at least FIL does the cat care thing for you - that's something worth having! Probably worth overlooking some of the other things for too

Arizona is definitely different to the UK, but ever since my first trip here 2 years ago I've loved the place! Phoenix feels like home now, for sure.
Sedona is amazing too, your relatives are lucky to live in such a picturesque part of the world We'll be going there on our way back from the grand canyon in April when my friend visits - everyone's always shocked by how lovely Sedona is!

Enjoy the rest of your weekend and thanks again for all your replies, I appreciate it

MrEmjoy

It could be worse, you could be in Leeds still.

Malashaan

Oi! I love my hometown

MrEmjoy

Me too

And you must be from Leeds, because even though you're from the 3rd largest city in the UK, you still say, "I'm off into town"

Brat1

Kaffy Mintcake, you talk sense girl. After reading your posts, I am now rethinking my earlier ones. Thanks for making me see if from a different perspective

N1cky

I still can't stop saying that

Malashaan

lol. I've always assumed it's a throwback to when all the places that are now residential were villages and you "went into the town." It's only like people say "downtown" over here even when they're from huge cities.

randomgirl

hey, it's not all that bad... I think!