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What has p*ssed you off today...part II

What has p*ssed you off today...part II

Old Sep 27th 2019, 2:53 pm
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Default Re: What has p*ssed you off today...part II

Originally Posted by SultanOfSwing View Post
Knickers aside, that's pretty messed up, especially that it was considered 'normal' for children to have to endure institutionalized abuse on a daily basis. Sorry you both had to go through that.
Agree with you, although I deserved all I got, but DH (no relation to me) didn't and it was abuse with him. I wonder if Miss G the teacher was resentmentful, his parents were 'well off', had a car!!!
Hope he has had a good life.

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Old Sep 27th 2019, 2:54 pm
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Default Re: What has p*ssed you off today...part II

Originally Posted by SultanOfSwing View Post
Probably more because I didn't get the shit beat out of me, just a smack on the bum every now and then. Not that I'm defending it but I didn't have abusive parents by any means. I just think that it's led to some 'teachable moments' that I'm not exactly proud of during my own time as a parent.

We all carry some stuff forward from childhood - I know I have, and some you don't discover until you are a parent. You have also carried a lot of good stuff forward, and are aware of the things you would rather change. You are way ahead of the game.
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Old Sep 27th 2019, 2:58 pm
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Default Re: What has p*ssed you off today...part II

Originally Posted by Bipat View Post
Agree with you, although I deserved all I got, but DH (no relation to me) didn't and it was abuse with him. I wonder if Miss G the teacher was resentmentful, his parents were 'well off', had a car!!!
Hope he has had a good life.
You didn't deserve to be hit, that's just what they conditioned you to believe. You maybe deserved to be punished, you know by writing lines, or serving detention or something but nobody, let alone a child, deserves to be hit.

Originally Posted by Lion in Winter View Post
We all carry some stuff forward from childhood - I know I have, and some you don't discover until you are a parent. You have also carried a lot of good stuff forward, and are aware of the things you would rather change. You are way ahead of the game.
I carried some good things as well, but I did get a lot of things wrong with my son that I'm trying to get right with my daughter now. And trying to set right with him now he's an adult and still somewhat under my care. Plus, while I agree that 18 is perfectly fine as the age of majority, the human brain still isn't fully developed until you're 25 or 26 anyway, so I'm absolutely fine for him to live with us as long as he needs to, and **** this American ideal of 'you're 18, get out of my house'. That does nobody any good. He's working, he pays us a small, but helpful amount of 'rent'. As long as he isn't in his room mainlining heroin or banging hookers on the front lawn, we good.
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Old Sep 27th 2019, 3:15 pm
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Default Re: What has p*ssed you off today...part II

Originally Posted by SultanOfSwing View Post
You didn't deserve to be hit, that's just what they conditioned you to believe. You maybe deserved to be punished, you know by writing lines, or serving detention or something but nobody, let alone a child, deserves to be hit.



I carried some good things as well, but I did get a lot of things wrong with my son that I'm trying to get right with my daughter now. And trying to set right with him now he's an adult and still somewhat under my care. Plus, while I agree that 18 is perfectly fine as the age of majority, the human brain still isn't fully developed until you're 25 or 26 anyway, so I'm absolutely fine for him to live with us as long as he needs to, and **** this American ideal of 'you're 18, get out of my house'. That does nobody any good. He's working, he pays us a small, but helpful amount of 'rent'. As long as he isn't in his room mainlining heroin or banging hookers on the front lawn, we good.

Yes, there is never an excuse for violence towards children. Nobody deserves that. Ever.

And agree on the throwing people out of the house thing. It's nonsense. Families should do whatever they want and whatever works for them in that respect. In most cultures extended family stick much closer than we do.

And on your son - no, of course not, that's what the back lawn is for.
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Old Sep 27th 2019, 3:26 pm
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Default Re: What has p*ssed you off today...part II

Originally Posted by Lion in Winter View Post
Yes, there is never an excuse for violence towards children. Nobody deserves that. Ever.

And agree on the throwing people out of the house thing. It's nonsense. Families should do whatever they want and whatever works for them in that respect. In most cultures extended family stick much closer than we do.

And on your son - no, of course not, that's what the back lawn is for.
I stayed at home until I was 26, then I moved here. Most of my mates lived at home well into their mid-20s as well, it just wasn't that uncommon at all, unless you were married, or living with someone and could actually afford to buy or rent a house. I couldn't, so I bought a car instead . But I may joke about him living with us until he's 40, in reality I don't really care how long either of the kids stay around, as long as we all get our space when we need it, both us and them. It's kind of nice in a way.
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Old Sep 27th 2019, 3:46 pm
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Default Re: What has p*ssed you off today...part II

Didn't do me no 'arm, guv...wait till I catch you you you little brat....sorry, now where was I, oh yes, no 'arm at all!
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Old Sep 27th 2019, 5:08 pm
  #8242  
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Default Re: What has p*ssed you off today...part II

Originally Posted by Annetje View Post
Sorry !!!

But you basically described my year so far.
Just this week I had my laptop dying on me, I had to restore the whole thing, reload programmes, and now windows is messed up ...
After that, the transmitter / receiver I have between Sky box (for the free channels) and TV broke down. I just ordered new ones.
And just now someone wants to buy my house but for 30.000 E less than asking price (and this is just after I reduced the price with 60.000 E already).
Not sure whether to cry or smile ...
Learn't that there's not much you can do but smile Annetje... With my luck right now I'd set fire to myself. or the cat would retaliate and take my face off...

Good luck with your woes.
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Old Sep 27th 2019, 5:33 pm
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Default Re: What has p*ssed you off today...part II

Originally Posted by Annetje View Post
...And just now someone wants to buy my house but for 30.000 E less than asking price (and this is just after I reduced the price with 60.000 E already).
Not sure whether to cry or smile ...
Depends what it frees you up for.

I had a small duplex for rental income. $100k in 2005. In 2009 it was on the market, got an offer $120k that fell through. Circumstances changed so withdrew it from sale and carried on renting.

On the market again 2016 for $90k by which time the rental market had collapsed (lots of new apartment buildings built and vacancy rate shot up), the same day it went on the market got an offer of $87k - fell through again - and ending up selling for $69k.

I had to tell myself that the rental income received still more than made up for that $31k, which was true - although the knowledge that hours after seeing the realtor I was close to only losing $13k so that was still annoying.

But mostly I was relieved as it removed what had become a major source of stress in my life.
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Old Sep 27th 2019, 5:46 pm
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Default Re: What has p*ssed you off today...part II

Originally Posted by SultanOfSwing View Post
I stayed at home until I was 26, then I moved here. Most of my mates lived at home well into their mid-20s as well, it just wasn't that uncommon at all, unless you were married, or living with someone and could actually afford to buy or rent a house. I couldn't, so I bought a car instead . But I may joke about him living with us until he's 40, in reality I don't really care how long either of the kids stay around, as long as we all get our space when we need it, both us and them. It's kind of nice in a way.
You sound like a really good parent Sultan..with your feet on the ground ,looking at the realties of life. today I'm the first to admit that when I was at Art School and later struggling through many different ill paid jobs' I was lucky to have understanding parents ( until my mum died when I was 19 ) My father quickly re-married and much as I loved my step.mum they obviously didn't want two teenagers ( I'm a twin) hanging around.. neither it turned out did they want the home my mother had lived in. In a short space of time we were encouraged to find alternate accommodation before their wedding. I was lucky in that I had just met my future OH and my larger family insisted that I should be allowed to marry from the family home
(My twin wasn't so lucky ,had to find a flat for six months ) It was a painful time ,I felt I was being pushed into making a huge decision before I was ready .My twin was very angry as it cost money they couldn't afford. My father in retrospect was feeling that fear often felt after a close partner dies.. he felt he was next.. life suddenly became a luxury commodity and he wanted to live it whilst he still could. Of course being selfish teenagers we understood none of this. It took a few years to mend the rift ,years lost I now regret as both he and my step mum have passed away .Little did I know that my OH would have a 'funny turn' ten years into our marriage and decide that he had always wanted ( planned ) to work in the EU. We duly moved to the Netherlands and that was really the end of my close relationship with my family .
I was determined that nothing would cause such a rift between me and my D's... Boy of boy I have been tried .....They have left, come back, left again... come back again. cost OH and I a bomb over the years... quite a lot of heartache too with their antics with everything from unsuitable jobs to unsuitable partners. ( three each ) Now the eldest lives in the USA with her partner and our only grandchild.. The youngest is currently in our guest room whilst she makes money on renting out her apartment on AirBnB ( she assures us she will be ,moving out again end of the month )
I realise that I am quite lucky to have maintained a good relationship with both daughters over some turbulent years. Many friends tell us sad stories of estrangement,never seeing family from one year to the next. I know from my own experience that family is in fact everything ,the older you get, the more important they become I'm happy mine want to visit as often as they can.. and even come live with us for a few weeks here and there..... .
I .
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Old Sep 27th 2019, 6:06 pm
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Default Re: What has p*ssed you off today...part II

Originally Posted by GeniB View Post
You sound like a really good parent Sultan..with your feet on the ground ,looking at the realties of life. today
I appreciate you saying that. Wasn't always this way, even up to quite recently I still allowed myself to get into stupid fights with my son over things best left alone, but I tried. I was the new step-parent (though I never have and never will apply the 'step-' prefix to myself or my son when I talk about it I raised him since he was 6 and we're stuck with each other now whether he likes it or not ), and it was a challenge in the beginning trying to find common ground with the young boy who never knew his own father and was so used to it being just him and his mum. But we got there, a shared love of soccer and video games helping along the way. I made plenty of mistakes with him and I hope he realizes now that they were my mistakes and not his.

Originally Posted by GeniB View Post
I'm the first to admit that when I was at Art School and later struggling through many different ill paid jobs' I was lucky to have understanding parents ( until my mum died when I was 19 ) My father quickly re-married and much as I loved my step.mum they obviously didn't want two teenagers ( I'm a twin) hanging around.. neither it turned out did they want the home my mother had lived in. In a short space of time we were encouraged to find alternate accommodation before their wedding. I was lucky in that I had just met my future OH and my larger family insisted that I should be allowed to marry from the family home
(My twin wasn't so lucky ,had to find a flat for six months ) It was a painful time ,I felt I was being pushed into making a huge decision before I was ready .My twin was very angry as it cost money they couldn't afford. My father in retrospect was feeling that fear often felt after a close partner dies.. he felt he was next.. life suddenly became a luxury commodity and he wanted to live it whilst he still could. Of course being selfish teenagers we understood none of this. It took a few years to mend the rift ,years lost I now regret as both he and my step mum have passed away .Little did I know that my OH would have a 'funny turn' ten years into our marriage and decide that he had always wanted ( planned ) to work in the EU. We duly moved to the Netherlands and that was really the end of my close relationship with my family .
I was determined that nothing would cause such a rift between me and my D's... Boy of boy I have been tried .....They have left, come back, left again... come back again. cost OH and I a bomb over the years... quite a lot of heartache too with their antics with everything from unsuitable jobs to unsuitable partners. ( three each ) Now the eldest lives in the USA with her partner and our only grandchild.. The youngest is currently in our guest room whilst she makes money on renting out her apartment on AirBnB ( she assures us she will be ,moving out again end of the month )
I realise that I am quite lucky to have maintained a good relationship with both daughters over some turbulent years. Many friends tell us sad stories of estrangement,never seeing family from one year to the next. I know from my own experience that family is in fact everything ,the older you get, the more important they become I'm happy mine want to visit as often as they can.. and even come live with us for a few weeks here and there..... .
I .
I'm sorry you lost your mum so young, and had to go through that with your father's new wife at the same time, but you are right that you are lucky to have the relationship you do with your daughters, and that's what I'm now aiming for with my kids.
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Old Sep 27th 2019, 6:08 pm
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Default Re: What has p*ssed you off today...part II

Originally Posted by SultanOfSwing View Post
I stayed at home until I was 26, then I moved here. Most of my mates lived at home well into their mid-20s as well, it just wasn't that uncommon at all, unless you were married, or living with someone and could actually afford to buy or rent a house. I couldn't, so I bought a car instead . But I may joke about him living with us until he's 40, in reality I don't really care how long either of the kids stay around, as long as we all get our space when we need it, both us and them. It's kind of nice in a way.


I had a spell in my own flat when I was 19. I left with my dad telling me I was always welcome back.
The year after, my flatmate got married, I moved back (didn't like her but not as much as she disliked me ) by which time my dad had died.
I stayed until I was nearly 27 when I bought my own house, just in time for the ridiculous rises in prices.

Now (in Canada) married/widowed with stepkids - she's 29 and he's 27 - living with me. And my MIL who is tops.

Yep, it is nice and we do have plenty of space.
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Old Sep 27th 2019, 6:15 pm
  #8247  
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Default Re: What has p*ssed you off today...part II

Originally Posted by BristolUK View Post


I had a spell in my own flat when I was 19. I left with my dad telling me I was always welcome back.
The year after, my flatmate got married, I moved back (didn't like her but not as much as she disliked me ) by which time my dad had died.
I stayed until I was nearly 27 when I bought my own house, just in time for the ridiculous rises in prices.

Now (in Canada) married/widowed with stepkids - she's 29 and he's 27 - living with me. And my MIL who is tops.

Yep, it is nice and we do have plenty of space.
I spent a semester of uni living with a couple of mates at 19 too. Though we lived in Belfast, which was a 35 minute train ride away from home, and I spent quite a bit of time visiting to get laundry done and that. I remember wanting to get my own place a lot in my early 20s, but my mum never made me feel like she wanted to get rid of me, which was just as well because I couldn't have afforded it anyway. I enjoyed living at home for the most part anyway, even now I sometimes kind of miss having my own room with all my stuff in it like I used to

Now, we don't exactly have plenty of space right now, but we do have room to expand in the basement, which is nice.
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Old Sep 27th 2019, 6:32 pm
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Default Re: What has p*ssed you off today...part II

Originally Posted by SultanOfSwing View Post
I appreciate you saying that. Wasn't always this way, even up to quite recently I still allowed myself to get into stupid fights with my son over things best left alone, but I tried. I was the new step-parent (though I never have and never will apply the 'step-' prefix to myself or my son when I talk about it I raised him since he was 6 and we're stuck with each other now whether he likes it or not ), and it was a challenge in the beginning trying to find common ground with the young boy who never knew his own father and was so used to it being just him and his mum. But we got there, a shared love of soccer and video games helping along the way. I made plenty of mistakes with him and I hope he realizes now that they were my mistakes and not his.



.

You sound like you're streets ahead of many, many parents.
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Old Sep 27th 2019, 6:55 pm
  #8249  
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Default Re: What has p*ssed you off today...part II

Originally Posted by Lion in Winter View Post
You sound like you're streets ahead of many, many parents.
That's nice to hear, but I'm still getting there I think, though at least now when he starts going off on me I can happily sit there, quietly going 'whatever, bitch' until he's done. Works like a charm.

Now, my daughter's going to be 10 soon so she's going to be entering that period of time where she's going to completely hate me, so I need to get ready for that.
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Old Sep 27th 2019, 7:19 pm
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Default Re: What has p*ssed you off today...part II

Originally Posted by SultanOfSwing View Post
That's nice to hear, but I'm still getting there I think, though at least now when he starts going off on me I can happily sit there, quietly going 'whatever, bitch' until he's done. Works like a charm.

Now, my daughter's going to be 10 soon so she's going to be entering that period of time where she's going to completely hate me, so I need to get ready for that.

Nah, you can outwit her. I'm lucky in that my son was/is really mellow, but I remember being a teenager and the struggle was for respect and recognition so I always tried to do that and above all to stay calm and not be goaded by any teenage obnoxiousness. I didn't always manage, but I would let him know clearly (and I hope calmly) if he crossed the line, but would then just wait until he had calmed down and not drive him into a corner - there is very little good that comes out of cornering teenagers and making them lose face, or humiliating or embarrassing them.. They don't really hate you, they are just trying to work out who they are now and their parents are the people they are differentiating themselves from.
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