Go Back  British Expats > General > Take it Outside!
Reload this Page >

Some Humour Merged with Cheesy Jokes Thread

Some Humour Merged with Cheesy Jokes Thread

Old Jun 30th 2005, 8:37 am
  #1171  
offline
 
Covenant's Avatar
 
Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 9,015
Covenant has a reputation beyond reputeCovenant has a reputation beyond reputeCovenant has a reputation beyond reputeCovenant has a reputation beyond reputeCovenant has a reputation beyond reputeCovenant has a reputation beyond reputeCovenant has a reputation beyond reputeCovenant has a reputation beyond reputeCovenant has a reputation beyond reputeCovenant has a reputation beyond reputeCovenant has a reputation beyond repute
Default Re: Cheesy Jokes anyone?

Originally Posted by Chopper-Chris
chatupee? What a great word...

I'm giving you Karma for making up an excellent new word in the English language.
Its not new, Indians have been eating them for centuries.................. Oh, hold on that's chapatis........
Covenant is offline  
Old Jun 30th 2005, 9:55 am
  #1172  
Sat on the fence ......
 
Rumble Tumble's Avatar
 
Joined: Jan 2005
Location: in between here & there....
Posts: 6,217
Rumble Tumble has a reputation beyond reputeRumble Tumble has a reputation beyond reputeRumble Tumble has a reputation beyond reputeRumble Tumble has a reputation beyond reputeRumble Tumble has a reputation beyond reputeRumble Tumble has a reputation beyond reputeRumble Tumble has a reputation beyond reputeRumble Tumble has a reputation beyond reputeRumble Tumble has a reputation beyond reputeRumble Tumble has a reputation beyond reputeRumble Tumble has a reputation beyond repute
Default Re: Cheesy Jokes anyone?

David Hasselhoff walks into a bar. He says to the barman, “From now on I want to be known as Hoff�.

Barman says, “Sure David, No hassel.�
Rumble Tumble is offline  
Old Jun 30th 2005, 9:59 am
  #1173  
Sat on the fence ......
 
Rumble Tumble's Avatar
 
Joined: Jan 2005
Location: in between here & there....
Posts: 6,217
Rumble Tumble has a reputation beyond reputeRumble Tumble has a reputation beyond reputeRumble Tumble has a reputation beyond reputeRumble Tumble has a reputation beyond reputeRumble Tumble has a reputation beyond reputeRumble Tumble has a reputation beyond reputeRumble Tumble has a reputation beyond reputeRumble Tumble has a reputation beyond reputeRumble Tumble has a reputation beyond reputeRumble Tumble has a reputation beyond reputeRumble Tumble has a reputation beyond repute
Default Re: Cheesy Jokes anyone?

an australian bloke was walking down the street in new zealand when he saw a farmer going hammers and tongs on a sheep the aussie yelled out hey mate in australia we sheer our sheep and the kiwi turned around and said **** off mate im shareing none of this.
Rumble Tumble is offline  
Old Jun 30th 2005, 10:00 am
  #1174  
Sat on the fence ......
 
Rumble Tumble's Avatar
 
Joined: Jan 2005
Location: in between here & there....
Posts: 6,217
Rumble Tumble has a reputation beyond reputeRumble Tumble has a reputation beyond reputeRumble Tumble has a reputation beyond reputeRumble Tumble has a reputation beyond reputeRumble Tumble has a reputation beyond reputeRumble Tumble has a reputation beyond reputeRumble Tumble has a reputation beyond reputeRumble Tumble has a reputation beyond reputeRumble Tumble has a reputation beyond reputeRumble Tumble has a reputation beyond reputeRumble Tumble has a reputation beyond repute
Default Re: Cheesy Jokes anyone?

I walked out of a bar just after midnight,I had drunk so much I could barely stand.A woman across the road said,'You're staggering'
I said, 'You're not too bad your self.'
Rumble Tumble is offline  
Old Jun 30th 2005, 10:01 am
  #1175  
Sat on the fence ......
 
Rumble Tumble's Avatar
 
Joined: Jan 2005
Location: in between here & there....
Posts: 6,217
Rumble Tumble has a reputation beyond reputeRumble Tumble has a reputation beyond reputeRumble Tumble has a reputation beyond reputeRumble Tumble has a reputation beyond reputeRumble Tumble has a reputation beyond reputeRumble Tumble has a reputation beyond reputeRumble Tumble has a reputation beyond reputeRumble Tumble has a reputation beyond reputeRumble Tumble has a reputation beyond reputeRumble Tumble has a reputation beyond reputeRumble Tumble has a reputation beyond repute
Default Re: Cheesy Jokes anyone?

A gay guy walks into a bar and asks the bar tender " Hey bar tender, do you want to play bar football?" Bar tender says "How do you play?" Gay guy says "You take a shot ,slam it down and pull down your pants and fart for the extra point".
The gay guy starts out and takes a shot,slams it down, and pulled down and farted for the extra point. The Bar tender takes a shot and slams it down, and pulls down his pants and the gay guy sticks his dick in his butt and yelled "BLOCKED!".
Rumble Tumble is offline  
Old Jun 30th 2005, 10:04 am
  #1176  
Sat on the fence ......
 
Rumble Tumble's Avatar
 
Joined: Jan 2005
Location: in between here & there....
Posts: 6,217
Rumble Tumble has a reputation beyond reputeRumble Tumble has a reputation beyond reputeRumble Tumble has a reputation beyond reputeRumble Tumble has a reputation beyond reputeRumble Tumble has a reputation beyond reputeRumble Tumble has a reputation beyond reputeRumble Tumble has a reputation beyond reputeRumble Tumble has a reputation beyond reputeRumble Tumble has a reputation beyond reputeRumble Tumble has a reputation beyond reputeRumble Tumble has a reputation beyond repute
Default Re: Cheesy Jokes anyone?

What do you call a Welsh bloke with a stick up his arse?

A Taffy apple.
Rumble Tumble is offline  
Old Jun 30th 2005, 10:06 am
  #1177  
Sat on the fence ......
 
Rumble Tumble's Avatar
 
Joined: Jan 2005
Location: in between here & there....
Posts: 6,217
Rumble Tumble has a reputation beyond reputeRumble Tumble has a reputation beyond reputeRumble Tumble has a reputation beyond reputeRumble Tumble has a reputation beyond reputeRumble Tumble has a reputation beyond reputeRumble Tumble has a reputation beyond reputeRumble Tumble has a reputation beyond reputeRumble Tumble has a reputation beyond reputeRumble Tumble has a reputation beyond reputeRumble Tumble has a reputation beyond reputeRumble Tumble has a reputation beyond repute
Default Re: Cheesy Jokes anyone?

There once was a man named mcfits.
He planted an acre of tits.
They cam up in the fall.
Pink nipples and all,
and he laid there, and chewed them to bits.
Rumble Tumble is offline  
Old Jun 30th 2005, 10:08 am
  #1178  
Sat on the fence ......
 
Rumble Tumble's Avatar
 
Joined: Jan 2005
Location: in between here & there....
Posts: 6,217
Rumble Tumble has a reputation beyond reputeRumble Tumble has a reputation beyond reputeRumble Tumble has a reputation beyond reputeRumble Tumble has a reputation beyond reputeRumble Tumble has a reputation beyond reputeRumble Tumble has a reputation beyond reputeRumble Tumble has a reputation beyond reputeRumble Tumble has a reputation beyond reputeRumble Tumble has a reputation beyond reputeRumble Tumble has a reputation beyond reputeRumble Tumble has a reputation beyond repute
Default Re: Cheesy Jokes anyone?

A dwarf woman goes to the doctors.
The doctor says "What can I do for you?"
The dwarf woman says "Doctor,everytime it rains my fanny gets sore."
The doctor doesn't understand and asks her to explain.
So she says "I don't know what it is,but everytime it's raining,my fanny ****ing kills me."
The doctor says "Well I'll tell you what,come back and see me when it's raining and I'll have a look."
A couple of days later it's pissing down and the dwarf woman's back at the doctors."
"Right," he says. "Hop on to the bench and I'll take a look at you."
So she gets on the bench and the doctor examines her.
Then he goes and gets his scalpel.
He comes back and says "Ok,I just need to do a couple of cuts here and there."
Then he tells her to stand up and asks "How's that?"
"Excellent,doctor! What did you do?"
He says "Oh,I just took a couple of inches off the top of your wellies."

Rumble Tumble is offline  
Old Jun 30th 2005, 10:14 am
  #1179  
Sat on the fence ......
 
Rumble Tumble's Avatar
 
Joined: Jan 2005
Location: in between here & there....
Posts: 6,217
Rumble Tumble has a reputation beyond reputeRumble Tumble has a reputation beyond reputeRumble Tumble has a reputation beyond reputeRumble Tumble has a reputation beyond reputeRumble Tumble has a reputation beyond reputeRumble Tumble has a reputation beyond reputeRumble Tumble has a reputation beyond reputeRumble Tumble has a reputation beyond reputeRumble Tumble has a reputation beyond reputeRumble Tumble has a reputation beyond reputeRumble Tumble has a reputation beyond repute
Default Re: Cheesy Jokes anyone?

A hippie gets onto a bus and sits next to a nun in the front seat. The hippie looks over and asks the nun if she would have sex with him. The nun surprised by the question politely declines and gets off the bus at the next stop. When the bus starts on it's way the driver says to the hippie, "I can tell you how you can get that nun to have sex with you".

The hippie says that he'd love to know, so the bus driver tells him that every Tuesday evening at midnight the nun goes to the cemetery and pray's to God. If you went dressed in a robe and glow in the dark paint mask she would think you are god and you could command her to have sex with you.

The hippie decides this is a great idea, so on Tuesday he goes to the cemetery and waits for the nun to show up. At midnight sure enough the nun showed up, while she was in the middle of praying the hippie jumped out from hiding and says.

"I AM GOD" I have heard your prayers and I will answer them BUT ... first you must have sex with me. The nun agrees but asks for anal sex so she might keep her virginity because she is married to the church. The hippie agrees to this and has his way with the nun.

After the hippie finishes he stands up and rips off the mask and shouts "Ha, Ha Ha I'm the hippie!!" Then the nun jumps up and shouts "Ha Ha Ha I'm the bus driver!!"
Rumble Tumble is offline  
Old Jun 30th 2005, 10:20 am
  #1180  
Sat on the fence ......
 
Rumble Tumble's Avatar
 
Joined: Jan 2005
Location: in between here & there....
Posts: 6,217
Rumble Tumble has a reputation beyond reputeRumble Tumble has a reputation beyond reputeRumble Tumble has a reputation beyond reputeRumble Tumble has a reputation beyond reputeRumble Tumble has a reputation beyond reputeRumble Tumble has a reputation beyond reputeRumble Tumble has a reputation beyond reputeRumble Tumble has a reputation beyond reputeRumble Tumble has a reputation beyond reputeRumble Tumble has a reputation beyond reputeRumble Tumble has a reputation beyond repute
Default Re: Cheesy Jokes anyone?

A skinny little white guy goes into an elevator, looks up and sees this
HUGE African American guy standing next to him. The big guys sees the
little guy staring at him, looks down and says:

"7 feet tall, 350 pounds, 14 inch penis, 1 pound left testicle, 1 pound
right testicle,...Turner Brown."

The small man faints dead away and falls to the floor. The big guy kneels
down and brings him to, shaking him. The big fellow says, "What's wrong
with you?" In a weak voice the little guys says, "What EXACTLY did you say to me?"

The big dude says, "I saw the curious look and figured I'd just give you the information everybody asks me. I'm 7 feet tall, 350 lbs, I have a 14 inch penis, 1 pound left testicle, 1 pound right testicle, and my name is Turner Brown."

"The little guy then exclaims "Oh thank God, I thought you said "turn around".
Rumble Tumble is offline  
Old Jun 30th 2005, 10:24 am
  #1181  
Sat on the fence ......
 
Rumble Tumble's Avatar
 
Joined: Jan 2005
Location: in between here & there....
Posts: 6,217
Rumble Tumble has a reputation beyond reputeRumble Tumble has a reputation beyond reputeRumble Tumble has a reputation beyond reputeRumble Tumble has a reputation beyond reputeRumble Tumble has a reputation beyond reputeRumble Tumble has a reputation beyond reputeRumble Tumble has a reputation beyond reputeRumble Tumble has a reputation beyond reputeRumble Tumble has a reputation beyond reputeRumble Tumble has a reputation beyond reputeRumble Tumble has a reputation beyond repute
Default Re: Cheesy Jokes anyone?

Funny Funny

A couple is doing yard work and the wife goes to take a shower. Her husband is looking for a rake and can't find it. He yells up to his wife, but she motions to him from the window like she can't hear.


So he points to his eye, hits his knee, and then makes raking motions.
("I need the rake.")
She replies by pointing to her eye ,
grabbing her left breast,
slaps her butt, then rubs her crotch.

The man is confused and runs upstairs.

"What? What was that?"

"Eye, left tit, behind, the bush."

LOL
Rumble Tumble is offline  
Old Jun 30th 2005, 10:31 am
  #1182  
Sat on the fence ......
 
Rumble Tumble's Avatar
 
Joined: Jan 2005
Location: in between here & there....
Posts: 6,217
Rumble Tumble has a reputation beyond reputeRumble Tumble has a reputation beyond reputeRumble Tumble has a reputation beyond reputeRumble Tumble has a reputation beyond reputeRumble Tumble has a reputation beyond reputeRumble Tumble has a reputation beyond reputeRumble Tumble has a reputation beyond reputeRumble Tumble has a reputation beyond reputeRumble Tumble has a reputation beyond reputeRumble Tumble has a reputation beyond reputeRumble Tumble has a reputation beyond repute
Default Re: Cheesy Jokes anyone?

There was this french guy and he ask a girl out....... she said i'll go out with u if u learn 3 words.......he goes to a strip club and learns take off...... then, goes to a zoo and learns zebra................. next, he goes to an orphonage and learn baby...........finally he goes back to the girl and she asked what words he had learned he replied "take off zee bra baby"!
Rumble Tumble is offline  
Old Jun 30th 2005, 11:28 am
  #1183  
Lost in BE Cyberspace
 
Joined: May 2005
Posts: 10,461
shoushou has much to be proud ofshoushou has much to be proud ofshoushou has much to be proud ofshoushou has much to be proud ofshoushou has much to be proud ofshoushou has much to be proud ofshoushou has much to be proud ofshoushou has much to be proud ofshoushou has much to be proud ofshoushou has much to be proud ofshoushou has much to be proud of
Default Re: Cheesy Jokes anyone?

One day,a man was comig down from the mountains in his car,while driving,he sees a car on the opposite side,coming out of a blind corner,with a woman's head leaning out:
Woman: Donkey!!!!!!!!
Man:Bitch!!!!!!!!!
Just as the man turns that corner he hits a donkey standing in the middle of the road.........
shoushou is offline  
Old Jun 30th 2005, 11:31 am
  #1184  
Loading...
 
Welivehere's Avatar
 
Joined: Oct 2004
Location: Back in the sand
Posts: 1,279
Welivehere has a reputation beyond reputeWelivehere has a reputation beyond reputeWelivehere has a reputation beyond reputeWelivehere has a reputation beyond reputeWelivehere has a reputation beyond reputeWelivehere has a reputation beyond reputeWelivehere has a reputation beyond reputeWelivehere has a reputation beyond reputeWelivehere has a reputation beyond reputeWelivehere has a reputation beyond reputeWelivehere has a reputation beyond repute
Default Re: Cheesy Jokes anyone?

Two Mexicans are stuck in the desert, wandering aimlessly and close to
death. They are close to just lying down and waiting for the inevitable,
when all of a sudden...

"Hey Pepe, do you smell what I smell. Ees bacon, I is sure of eet".

"Si, Luis, eet smells like bacon to meee".

So, with renewed strength, they struggle off up the next sand dune, and
there, in the distance, is a tree, just loaded with bacon.

There's raw bacon, dripping with moisture, there's fried bacon, back
bacon, double smoked bacon...every imaginable kind of cured pig meat you
can imagine!!

"Pepe, Pepe, we ees saved. Eees a bacon tree".

"Luis, are sure ees not a meerage? We ees in the desert, don't forget "

Pepe, when deed you ever hear of a meerage that smeell like bacon...ees
no meerage, ees a bacon tree".

and with that...Luis races towards the tree. He gets to within 5 metres,
Pepe following closely behind, when all of a sudden, a machine gun opens
up, and Luis is cut down in his tracks. It is clear he is mortally
wounded but, true friend that he is, he manages to warn Pepe with his
dying breath.

"Pepe...go back man, you was right, ees not a bacon tree"

"Luis, Luis mi amigo...what ees eet?"

" Pepe...ees not a bacon tree....

Ees......... Ees..... Ees..... Ees, a Ham Bush"
Welivehere is offline  
Old Jul 1st 2005, 2:50 pm
  #1185  
BE Forum Addict
 
manxfamily's Avatar
 
Joined: Mar 2004
Location: Brisbane
Posts: 1,927
manxfamily has a reputation beyond reputemanxfamily has a reputation beyond reputemanxfamily has a reputation beyond reputemanxfamily has a reputation beyond reputemanxfamily has a reputation beyond reputemanxfamily has a reputation beyond reputemanxfamily has a reputation beyond reputemanxfamily has a reputation beyond reputemanxfamily has a reputation beyond reputemanxfamily has a reputation beyond reputemanxfamily has a reputation beyond repute
Default Re: Cheesy Jokes anyone?

The European Commission has just announced an agreement whereby English
will be the official language of the European Union rather than German,
which was the other possibility. As part of the negotiations, the
British Government conceded that English spelling had some room for
improvement and has accepted a 5- year phase-in plan that would become
known as "Euro-English".

In the first year, "s" will replace the soft "c". Sertainly, this will
make the sivil servants jump with joy. The hard "c" will be dropped in
favour of "k". This should klear up konfusion, and keyboards kan have
one less letter.

There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year when the
troublesome "ph" will be replaced with "f". This will make words like
fotograf 20% shorter. In the 3rd year, publik akseptanse of the new
spelling kan be expekted to reach the stage where more komplikated
changes are possible.

Governments will enkourage the removal of double letters which have
always ben a deterent to akurate speling. Also, al wil agre that the
horibl mes of the silent "e" in the languag is disgrasful and it should
go away.

By the 4th yer people wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing "th"
with "z" and "w" with "v". During ze fifz yer, ze unesesary "o" kan be
dropd from vords kontaining "ou" and after ziz fifz yer, ve vil hav a
reil sensibl riten styl.

Zer vil be no mor trubl or difikultis and evrivun vil find it ezi tu
understand ech oza. Ze drem of a united urop vil finali kum tru. Und
efter ze fifz yer, ve vil al be speking German like zey vunted in ze
forst plas.
manxfamily is offline  

Contact Us Archive Advertising Cookie Policy Privacy Statement Terms of Service

Copyright © 2018 MH Sub I, LLC dba Internet Brands. All rights reserved. Use of this site indicates your consent to the Terms of Use.