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Some Humour Merged with Cheesy Jokes Thread

Some Humour Merged with Cheesy Jokes Thread

Old Apr 20th 2005, 6:00 pm
  #1021  
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Default Re: Cheesy Jokes anyone?

A devout, good couple was about to get married, but a tragic car accident ended their lives.

When they got to heaven, they asked St. Peter if he could arrange for them to be married, saying that it was what they had hoped for in life, and they still desired wedded union. He thought about it and agreed, but said they would have to wait.

It was almost one hundred years later when St. Peter sent for them. They were married in a simple ceremony.

So things went on, for thirty years or so, but they determined, in this time, that eternity was best not spent together.

They went back to St. Peter, and said, "We thought we would be happy forever, but now we believe that we have irreconcilable differences. Is there any way we can get divorced?"

"Are you kidding?" said St. Peter. "It took me a hundred years to get a priest up here to marry you. I'll never get a lawyer!"
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Old Apr 21st 2005, 4:42 pm
  #1022  
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Old Apr 21st 2005, 5:54 pm
  #1023  
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Default Re: Cheesy Jokes anyone?

Two priests died at the same time and met Saint Peter at the Pearly Gates.
St. Peter said, "I'd like to get you guys in now, but our computer is down. You'll have to go back to Earth for about a week, but you can't go back as priests. So what else would you like to be?"
The first priest says, "I've always wanted to be an eagle, soaring above the Rocky Mountains."
"So be it," says St. Peter, and off flies the first priest.
The second priest mulls this over for a moment and asks, "Will any of this week 'count', St. Peter?"
"No, I told you the computer's down. There's no way we can keep track of what you're doing."
"In that case," says the second priest, "I've always wanted to be a stud."
"So be it," says St. Peter, and the second priest disappears.
A week goes by, the computer is fixed, and the Lord tells St. Peter to recall the two priests., "Will you have any trouble locating them?" He asks.
"The first one should be easy," says St. Peter., "He's somewhere over the Rockies, flying with the eagles. But the second one could prove to be more difficult."
"Why?" asketh the Lord. "He's on a snow tyre, somewhere in North Dakota."
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Old Apr 23rd 2005, 6:08 am
  #1024  
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Default Re: Cheesy Jokes anyone?

A young boy, who had a lisp, was supposed to start school
one day, and was told by his mother to wait by the bus
stop. The kid goes to the bus stop, sees the bus and
starts waving his arms and shouting: "Buth driver ..
Buth Driver thtop thtop! ..."

The bus just keeps on going.

The next day, after his mother was upset for the bus not
stopping, tells him to go to the bus stop and wave an old
rag she gave him. Again, he follow his mother's instruc-
tions, waving the old rag and shouting "Hey buth driver..
buth driver, thtop thtop!!.." Again, the bus just goes
by.

When he returned home, his mother was really upset and
tells him: "Damn it, tomorrow I want you to go out and
stand in the middle of the street, and he'll stop for
sure."

The next day, he's waiting for the bus, sees it, stands
in the middle of the street and starts waving the rag
and shouting:

"Hey buth driver...buth driver...thtop thtop!!"

The bus just keeps going, hits him, knocks him down and
breaks every bone in his body. Upset, after his mother
found out about this, she went to the school to complain
to the school's principal, who calls the bus driver to
the office and questions him about about his action.

"Why did you hit that poor boy?" the principal asked.

The bus driver replies: "I can't thtand kidth that make
fun of me!"
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Old Apr 23rd 2005, 11:14 am
  #1025  
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Default Re: Cheesy Jokes anyone?

Van Gogh walk into a pub............

Barman shouts: "Oi Vinnie can I get ye a beer"

Van Gogh says: "Tis alright mate, I've got one ear"
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Old Apr 23rd 2005, 3:16 pm
  #1026  
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Default Re: Cheesy Jokes anyone?

one day a guy dies and finds himself in hell. As he's wallowing in despair, he has his first meeting with a demon...

Demon: Why so glum?
Guy: What do you think? I'm in hell!
Demon: Hell's not so bad. We actually have a lot of fun down here. Are you a drinking man?
Guy: Sure, I love to drink.
Demon: Well you're gonna love Mondays then. On Mondays all we do is drink. Whiskey, tequila, Guinness, wine coolers, diet tab and Fresca... we drink till we throw up and then we drink some more!
Guy: Gee that sounds great!
Demon: You a smoker?
Guy: You know it!
Demon: All right! You're gonna love Tuesdays. We get the finest cigars from all over the world and smoke our lungs out. If you get cancer - no biggie- you're already dead, remember?
Guy: Wow...that's...awesome!
Demon: I bet you like to gamble.
Guy: Why, yes I do.
Demon: Wednesdays you can gamble all you want. Craps, blackjack, Roulette, Poker, Slots, whatever... If you go Bankrupt...well, you're dead anyhow.
Demon: You into drugs?
Guy: Are you kidding? Love drugs! You don't mean?...
Demon: That's right! Thursday is drug day. Help yourself to a great big bowl of crack, or smack. Smoke a doobie the size of a submarine. You can do all the drugs you want; you're dead who cares! O.D.!!
Guy: WOW !! I never realized Hell was such a cool place!!
Demon: You gay?
Guy: No....
Demon: "Ooooh, you're gonna hate Fridays."
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Old Apr 24th 2005, 2:26 pm
  #1027  
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Default Re: Cheesy Jokes anyone?

Did you hear about the exorcism at the house in the Falls Road in Belfast.

A woman had to phone the Devil to get the priest out of her son.
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Old Apr 24th 2005, 6:58 pm
  #1028  
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Default Re: Cheesy Jokes anyone?

It was a beautiful, warm spring morning. A man and his wife were spending the day at the zoo. She was wearing a loose-fitting, pink dress - sleeveless with straps. He was wearing his usual jeans and T-shirt.

As they walked through the ape exhibit, they passed in front of a large, silverback gorilla. Noticing the wife, the gorilla went crazy. He jumped on the bars, and holding on with one hand and 2 feet, he grunted and pounded his chest with his free hand. He was obviously excited at the pretty lady in the pink dress.

The husband, noticing the excitement had thought that this was funny. He suggested that his wife tease the poor fellow some more by puckering her lips and wiggling her bottom. She played along and the gorilla got even more excited, making noises that would wake the dead.

Then the husband suggested that she let one of her straps fall to show a little more skin. She did, and the gorilla was about to tear the bars down. "Now show your thighs and sort of fan your dress at him," he said. This drove the gorilla absolutely crazy, and he started doing flips.

Then the husband grabbed his wife, ripped open the door to the cage, flung her in with the gorilla and slammed the cage door shut. "Now, tell HIM that you have a headache!”
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Old Apr 24th 2005, 11:55 pm
  #1029  
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Default Re: Cheesy Jokes anyone?

Woman goes to the doctors and says she wants bigger breasts. He tells her to go home and rub them every night saying"scooby dooby dooby, give me bigger boobies".
She forgot one night so on the way to work on the bus decided to give them a quick rub and mutter under her breath "scooby dooby dooby, give me bigger boobies".
The bus conductor is passing at the time and says to her "Oh, you must be with Dr Smith".
"How do you know that" says the woman.
"Hickory Dickory Dock" says the conductor
 
Old Apr 25th 2005, 6:18 pm
  #1030  
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Default Re: Cheesy Jokes anyone?

The Perfect Couple


Once upon a time, a perfect man and a perfect woman
met. After a perfect courtship, they had a perfect wedding.
Their life together was, of course, perfect.

One snowy, stormy Christmas Eve, this perfect couple
was driving their perfect car along a winding road, when
they noticed someone at the side of the road in distress.

Being the perfect couple, they stopped to help.

There stood Santa Claus with a huge bundle of toys. Not
wanting to disappoint any children on the eve of
Christmas, the perfect couple loaded Santa and his toys
into their vehicle.



Soon they were driving along delivering the toys.
Unfortunately, the driving conditions deteriorated and the
perfect couple; and Santa Claus had an accident.

Only one of them survived the accident.

Question: Who was the survivor?








Answer:

The perfect woman survived. She's the only one who
really existed in the first place. Everyone knows there is
no Santa Claus and there is no such thing as a perfect
man!


**** Women stop reading here, that is the end of the joke.

**** Men keep scrolling.

















So, if there is no perfect man and no Santa Claus, the
woman must have been driving. This explains why there
was a car accident.


**** Men Keep scrolling

















By the way, if you're a woman and you're still reading,
this
illustrates another point: Women never listen!
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Old Apr 25th 2005, 6:19 pm
  #1031  
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Default Re: Cheesy Jokes anyone?

By the way, if you're a woman and you're still reading,
this
illustrates another point: Women never listen!
touche!!
 
Old Apr 25th 2005, 6:29 pm
  #1032  
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Default Re: Cheesy Jokes anyone?

Sad bastard!
Attached Thumbnails Some Humour Merged with Cheesy Jokes Thread-biker.jpg  
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Old Apr 25th 2005, 6:29 pm
  #1033  
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Default Re: Cheesy Jokes anyone?

Nice idea!
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Old Apr 25th 2005, 6:30 pm
  #1034  
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Default Re: Cheesy Jokes anyone?

So that's how those things work
Attached Thumbnails Some Humour Merged with Cheesy Jokes Thread-philipslights.jpg  
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Old Apr 25th 2005, 6:31 pm
  #1035  
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Default Re: Cheesy Jokes anyone?

No comment, photo says it all
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