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-   -   Some Humour Merged with Cheesy Jokes Thread (https://britishexpats.com/forum/take-outside-67/some-humour-merged-cheesy-jokes-thread-737915/)

Bob Sep 17th 2004 3:26 am

Re: Cheesy Jokes anyone?
 

Originally Posted by cresta57
Dunno didn't hear the end result due to the laughter in the cabin :D :D

Hehe...yeah, can imagine :) must have caused a few car accidents *l*

cresta57 Sep 17th 2004 7:53 am

Re: Cheesy Jokes anyone?
 
A sandwich walks into a pub and the barman says..........
"Sorry but we don't serve food"
Deb :confused:

cresta57 Sep 17th 2004 7:58 am

Re: Cheesy Jokes anyone?
 
The worst air disaster occurred earlier today in Ireland when a Cessna 152, a small two-seater plane, crashed into a local cemetery here early this morning. Paddy and Murphy,working as search and rescue workers, have recovered 826 bodies so far, and expect that number to climb as digging continues into the night.

COWBOY_BUILDER Sep 17th 2004 10:07 am

Re: Cheesy Jokes anyone?
 
The lead Singer with the band "The Flying Pickets " was found dead today
The Police think it was food poisoning,
When asked "did they know what the food was "
A Police spokesman replied "Bad Ham ,Bad Ham....." :rolleyes: :rolleyes: :D

Bob Sep 17th 2004 4:18 pm

Re: Cheesy Jokes anyone?
 

Originally Posted by cresta57
The worst air disaster occurred earlier today in Ireland when a Cessna 152, a small two-seater plane, crashed into a local cemetery here early this morning. Paddy and Murphy,working as search and rescue workers, have recovered 826 bodies so far, and expect that number to climb as digging continues into the night.

That's a classic cheesy joke :)

Deadmeat Sep 19th 2004 7:38 pm

Re: Cheesy Jokes anyone?
 
Horse walks into a bar and orders a pint.

Barman asks "Why the long face?"

Bob Sep 20th 2004 5:49 am

Re: Cheesy Jokes anyone?
 
Really bad joke, but hey, someone might find it funny :)

Mr Honda, of the Honda Motor Corporation, died and went to heaven for judgement. At the gates, St. Peter told Mr Honda, "since you've been such a good man and your motorcycles have changed the world, your reward is, you can hang out with anyone you want in Heaven."
Mr Honda thought about it for a minute and then said, "I want to hang out with God. I have a question for Him".
St. Peter took Mr Honda to the Throne Room and introduced him to God.
He then asked God, "Aren't you the inventor of women?"
God Said, "Ah, yes. Indeed I am".
"Well," said Mr Honda, "Professional to professional, you have some major design flaws in your design."
1- There's too much inconsistency in the front-end protrusion.
2- It chatters constantly at high speeds.
3- Most of the rear ends are too soft and wobble too much.
4- The intake is placed way too close to the exhaust.
5- Plus the monthly down time and aggravation are outrageous, and don't even get me started talking about the maintenance costs.
"Hmmmm, you do raise some good points" replied God, "Lets have a wee look."
God went to his Celestial super computer, typed in a few things and waited for the results. After a moment God said, "Well, it may be true that my invention seems to be flawed, but according to these numbers, more men are riding my invention than yours.."

gedge Sep 20th 2004 6:12 am

Re: Cheesy Jokes anyone?
 
Two fish in a tank.
One says to the other...


how do you drive this bloody thing?

http://www.globalsecurity.org/milita.../m1a1-tank.jpg

gedge Sep 20th 2004 6:21 am

Re: Cheesy Jokes anyone?
 
A polar bear walks in to a pub, shambles up to the bar and asks for a pint of Guinness.
Nonplussed, (as this is the same bar that the emu, monkey and dog have been in to) the bar man serves the polar bear his pint.
"That'll be £3.50."

The polar bear pays him and sits in the corner to drink his pint.
A while later he goes up for a second.
The bar man attepts to make small talk.

"We don't get many polar bears in ere ya know."

Polar bear replies...
"At these prices I not ****ing surprised!"

gedge Sep 20th 2004 6:29 am

Re: Cheesy Jokes anyone?
 
2 sausages and a fried egg sit sizzling in a frying pan.
The egg turns to the sausages and says
"Hey guys, getting hot in here isn't it?"

1 sausage turns to the other and says...
"Bloody hell. A talking egg!"

gedge Sep 20th 2004 6:52 am

Re: Cheesy Jokes anyone?
 
Stop me if you've heard these before...

Paddy and Seamus stand on top of a cliff.
Paddy has a budgie tied to his ankles.
Paddy jumps off and free falls down the cliff.
Paddy hits the bottom and breaks his neck.
Paddy shouts up to Seamus
"Don't try the budgiejumping Seamus, it's no good."

Seamus is holding a parrot and a shotgun.
Seamus jumps off with the parrot.
Seamus shoots the parrot whilst falling.
Seamus falls to the bottom beside Paddy, with broken legs.
Seamus says to Paddy...
"The parrotshooting's no goods either."

cresta57 Sep 20th 2004 11:13 am

Re: Cheesy Jokes anyone?
 
Three mice are sitting at a bar in a pretty rough neighborhood
late at night trying to impress each other about how tough they
are.

The first mouse pounds a shot of scotch, slams the glass onto
the bar, turns to the second mouse and says, "When I see a
mousetrap, I lie on my back and set it off with my foot. When
the bar comes down, I catch it in my teeth, bench press it twenty
times to work up an appetite, and then make off with the cheese."

The second mouse orders up two shots of sour mash, pounds
them both, slams each glass into the bar, turns to the first mouse,
and replies: "Yeah, well when I see rat poison, I collect as much
as I can, take it home, grind it up to a powder, and add it to my
coffee each morning so I can get a good buzz going for the rest of
the day."

The first mouse and the second mouse then turn to the third
mouse. The third mouse lets out a long sigh and says to
the first two, "I don't have time for this bullshit. I gotta go home
and screw the cat."

Siren & Brian Sep 20th 2004 12:36 pm

Re: Cheesy Jokes anyone?
 
What do you call a beak-less woodpecker?

A headbanger.


*Buh dum bum *CHING*

Kendonakasaki Sep 20th 2004 2:00 pm

Re: Cheesy Jokes anyone?
 

Originally Posted by Bob
That's great...so did they get the holiday? :)

They did indeed get the holiday.

Deadmeat Sep 20th 2004 2:58 pm

Re: Cheesy Jokes anyone?
 
Talking of hols, what do you call a terrorist that's just come back from Ibiza?

All summer been largin'


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