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-   -   Some Humour Merged with Cheesy Jokes Thread (https://britishexpats.com/forum/take-outside-67/some-humour-merged-cheesy-jokes-thread-737915/)

NJ_Dave Oct 12th 2004 2:00 am

Re: Cheesy Jokes anyone?
 

Originally Posted by Bob
In a train carriage there were 4 people, an Englishman, a Frenchman, a spectacular looking blonde and a frightfully awful looking fat lady. After several minutes in to the trip the train happens to pass through a dark tunnel and the unmistakable sound of a slap is heard. When they leave the tunnel, the Frenchman had a big red mark on his cheek.

The blonde thought - "That French son of a b*tch wanted to touch me and by mistake, he must have put his hand on the fat lady, who in turn must have slapped his face".

The fat lady thought - "This dirty old Frenchman laid his hands on the blonde and she smacked him".

The Frenchman thought - "That b*stard Englishman put his hand on that blonde and by mistake she slapped me".

The Englishman thought - "I hope there's another tunnel soon so I can smack that French tw*t again".

Nice :D

lau3rie Oct 12th 2004 9:37 am

Re: Cheesy Jokes anyone?
 
Jack and Jill have both recently started working at a new job. Unfortunately, business takes a turn for the worse and the boss has to let one of them go. To help him make the decision, he decides to interview them both. He walks out of his office and asks Jill to come and see him for a minute.
She sits down and he gives her an apologetic look and says:
"Jill, I'm awfully sorry about this, but I'm afraid I'm going to have to lay you or Jack off..."
Jill blushes and then quickly responds:
"Oh, well, I have a headache, so would you mind just jacking off?"

lau3rie Oct 12th 2004 9:38 am

Re: Cheesy Jokes anyone?
 
There are three tampons walking down the street, which one do you speak to?

None, they're all stuck up *****.
ba-boom!

Deadmeat Oct 12th 2004 11:54 am

Re: Cheesy Jokes anyone?
 

Originally Posted by lau3rie
There are three tampons walking down the street, which one do you speak to?

None, they're all stuck up *****.
ba-boom!

That's disgusting :mad:

How do you confuse an archeologist?
Give him a tampon and ask him which period it came from

cresta57 Oct 12th 2004 12:23 pm

Re: Cheesy Jokes anyone?
 
Bruce is driving over the Sydney Harbour Bridge one day when he sees
his girlfriend, Sheila about to throw herself off.
Bruce slams on the brakes and yells, "Sheila, what the hell d'ya think you're doing?"
Sheila turns around with a tear in her eye and says, "G'day Bruce. Ya
got me pregnant and so now I'm gonna kill myself."
Bruce gets a lump in his throat when he hears this.
He says> "Strewth Sheila..... Not only are you a great shag, but you're a real
sport too." and drives off.

cresta57 Oct 12th 2004 12:24 pm

Re: Cheesy Jokes anyone?
 
A little boy walks into his parent's room to see his mom on top of his
Dad bouncing up and down. The mom sees her son and quickly dismounts.
Worried about what her son has seen, she dress's quickly and goes to find him.
The son sees his mom and asks' "What were you and dad doing?"
The mother replies "Well you know your dad has a big tummy and
sometimes I have to get on top of it to help flatten it."
"You're wasting your time." say's the boy.
"Why is that?" asked his mom, puzzled?
"Well when you go shopping the lady next door comes over and gets on
her knees and blows it back up again :confused:

blind man enters a Ladies Bar by mistake. He finds his way to a bar stool
and orders a drink. After sitting there for a while, he yells to the bartender, "Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?"
The bar immediately falls absolutely quiet. In a very deep, husky voice,
the woman next to him says, "Before you tell that joke, sir, I think it is
just fair - giving that you are blind that you should know five things:
1 - The bartender is a blonde girl.
2 - The bouncer is a blonde girl.
3 - I'm a 6 feet tall, 220 lb. blonde woman with a black belt in karate.
4 - The woman sitting next to me is blonde and is a professional weight lifter.
5 - The lady to your right is a blonde and is professional wrestler.


Now think about it seriously, Mister.Do you still wanna tell that joke?
The blind man thinks for a second, shakes his head, and declares,
"Nah. Not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times."

Deadmeat Oct 12th 2004 12:26 pm

Re: Cheesy Jokes anyone?
 

Originally Posted by cresta57
Bruce is driving over the Sydney Harbour Bridge one day when he sees
his girlfriend, Sheila about to throw herself off.
Bruce slams on the brakes and yells, "Sheila, what the hell d'ya think you're doing?"
Sheila turns around with a tear in her eye and says, "G'day Bruce. Ya
got me pregnant and so now I'm gonna kill myself."
Bruce gets a lump in his throat when he hears this.
He says> "Strewth Sheila..... Not only are you a great shag, but you're a real
sport too." and drives off.

:D

What's the difference between Australia and yoghurt?
Yoghurt has culture.

cresta57 Oct 12th 2004 12:29 pm

Re: Cheesy Jokes anyone?
 

Originally Posted by Deadmeat
:D

What's the difference between Australia and yoghurt?
Yoghurt has culture.

Will Young, Robbie and Kylie went for a night on the town, as they left the
night-club, Kylie slipped and got her head stuck between the railings of the fence opposite the club.
Robbie decided to take full advantage of this and lifted up her little
skirt, pushed her thong to one side and gave her a good seeing to.
"It's your turn now, Will" grinned Robbie but Will started crying.
Robbie asked "Why are you crying, Will? What's wrong?"
Will sobbed "My head won't fit between the railings"

Covenant Oct 12th 2004 2:15 pm

Re: Cheesy Jokes anyone?
 

Originally Posted by cresta57
Will Young, Robbie and Kylie went for a night on the town, as they left the
night-club, Kylie slipped and got her head stuck between the railings of the fence opposite the club.
Robbie decided to take full advantage of this and lifted up her little
skirt, pushed her thong to one side and gave her a good seeing to.
"It's your turn now, Will" grinned Robbie but Will started crying.
Robbie asked "Why are you crying, Will? What's wrong?"
Will sobbed "My head won't fit between the railings"

:D :D :D worthy of karma!

NJ_Dave Oct 12th 2004 2:31 pm

Re: Cheesy Jokes anyone?
 
Michael Jackson and his wife are in the recovery room with their new baby son.
The doctor walks in and Michael asks: "Doctor, how long before we can have sex?"
The doctor replies, "I'd wait until he's at least 14."

Covenant Oct 12th 2004 3:00 pm

Re: Cheesy Jokes anyone?
 

Originally Posted by dbickle
Michael Jackson and his wife are in the recovery room with their new baby son.
The doctor walks in and Michael asks: "Doctor, how long before we can have sex?"
The doctor replies, "I'd wait until he's at least 14."

hmmmm. :rolleyes:

NJ_Dave Oct 12th 2004 3:05 pm

Re: Cheesy Jokes anyone?
 

Originally Posted by Covenant
hmmmm. :rolleyes:

Well I thought it was funny

Deadmeat Oct 12th 2004 3:08 pm

Re: Cheesy Jokes anyone?
 

Originally Posted by dbickle
Well I thought it was funny

You wasn't wrong!

Covenant Oct 12th 2004 3:09 pm

Re: Cheesy Jokes anyone?
 

Originally Posted by dbickle
Well I thought it was funny

It was worth a smile, just the peid. connection sits a bit uncomfortably (no offense)

Deadmeat Oct 12th 2004 3:12 pm

Re: Cheesy Jokes anyone?
 

Originally Posted by Covenant
It was worth a smile, just the peid. connection sits a bit uncomfortably (no offense)

<just deleted inappropriate Duck reference>


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