themuppeteer

Hello,

I'm 24 and recently I fell in love with a 16 year old Spanish girl. Trust me, I am not the type that seeks out younger women, and I never would've predicted this happening to me. But I fell in love and now it's out of my hands. Anyway, I'm going to stay with her and her family for a few weeks and she says we can sleep in the same bed. Is this normal in Spain, to allow teenage girls to sleep in the same bed as their boyfriends, or is this an especially liberal family? For me, "sleeping with" someone always has the implication of, well, sleeping with them, but in Spain is there a phenomena of couples sleeping together for long periods with no sexual contact? I have no sexual intentions with her currently as she is so young, I would just like to make her happy, but I would like to understand how Spanish culture works.

Thanks

cricketman

It depends entirely on the family. If they are left wing anarchists then fine. If they are working class pueblo types then probably OK. Middle class right wingers, gypsies or religious types then no way!

I should add that teh family sounds entirely liberal at this point with them even considering to allow a 24 year old foreigner with their 16 year old in the same room. Daughters are usually well protected

Sleep means just that, sleep. Spanish flats are very small! A bit of discretion is needed

Retired in Euskadi

Personally, I'd resist the temptation for now. She will probably respect you more for it in the long run. However, in the end it's your decision.
Values have changed somewhat since Franco's death, some for the better, others for the worse; there still exists the 'village mentality' in some parts of Spain.

themuppeteer

Thanks, these responses are helpful. Actually an important point I should've added is that her parents are from Argentina, though she has lived her whole life in Spain. So they may very well have different customs and expectations than the mainstream Spanish mindset.

As I said, I've got no expectations for the speed of the relationship and want to leave it entirely in her hands for when she is ready to be more intimate.

andyrich666

Lucky you, well jel as they say in Essex !

andyrich666

reminds me of my very first trip to Spain and a guy tried to marry me off to his daughter in Estartit, she was up for it too, and I think If I was really honest I was so overwhelmed but had so much work on I really regret that, she was amazing, I was only 18 !

billgates

Could it be that the parents see you as a wealthy foreigner and would be only too happy for you marry their daughter and provide some financial security?
Maybe if she fell pregnant then they might think the deal is sealed?

billgates

Saying that, your 24, she's 16. That creeps me out.

I have a teenage daughter and would not be happy with her seeing someone eight years older than her. Give her maybe ten years to mature a bit and experience a bit of reality then no probs, but at 16? She's still a child.

andyrich666

He is not in Cardiff !

billgates

Cardiff, Liverpool, Marbella......he should find someone nearer his own age (speaking as a parent of a teenage daughter so obviously biased).

themuppeteer

I'm going to go ahead and disagree with you billgates... I mean, all the great love stories are about love conquering boundaries, yeah? Whether it be race or socioeconomic class or nationality or whatever. In this case age is such a boundary -- but if you truly love somebody you love the part of them that doesn't have an age or a race or anything else, because those are all rather superficial classifications. It would be a shame to miss out on the love of your life simply because you confine your life to narrow-minded boxes, don't you think? Furthermore, you have no idea how mature she is, since she is only mentioned in some anonymous dude's post on the internet. There are plenty of girls my age and older who are far less mature than she is. I'd say it always depends on the people involved, and to make clearcut rules for yourself like "8 years is too many!" is no way to live a life. Sorry to get all deep and stuff.

I agree there can be situations when age difference is too severe because the people in the relationship do not have an emotional connection or one side is taking advantage physically of the other. But this is not such a case -- as I said, it depends on the people.

Furthermore, her parents know I am a broke musician who just wants to get to know the world, so I doubt they have any illusions of my nonexistent wealth.

Rosemary

As Concierge for the Spanish section of BE I would like to say hello and welcome.

BE is a very large expat website, so if you have problems finding your way around we have concierges who will try to direct you. The moderators for the Spanish forums are Mitzyboy and Fred James, moderators are there to ensure that the site runs smoothly within the rules of BE. Problems and complaints should always be addressed to a moderador who will look into the matter and deal with it efficiently and fairly. Our members who post in the Spain Forums are friendly and helpful with a wealth of knowledge of the issues of living in Spain. At the top of the page you will find a quirkily named thread called Free Beer which is full of important and useful information. Hope you enjoy your time participating in the forums.

Please let me know if you need any further help.

Rosemary

themuppeteer

Groovy.

Rosemary

Maybe they are more interested in the fact that you are a European.

Rosemary

themuppeteer

Or maybe they're interested in the fact that I'm really nice and love their daughter! They've already got EU citizenship, plus I'm American (sorry if I'm breaking the rules by posting here). I don't think everyone has ulterior motives.