You got to laugh at us Irish
Jan 17th 2014, 1:38 pm
#1
Im a 77 year old nutcase
Thread Starter
Joined: Mar 2011
Location: Playa del ingles...Gran Canaria..
Posts: 4,774
You got to laugh at us Irish
Tanning Studio In Strabane Closed Down Following Customer Complaints
JAN 14
Posted by Gombeen
BY SHENGAS MCGLUMPHIE9H82SCAD1JNKUCAKSAM4ECA4CFUS8CABDPQ8CCAX R4253CA9UCDRXCAZBL4K7CA1YI0EICAZ6P35OCAEDMHWLCAHUX D0ZCAPW5AAECAQL7DFICAR354RDCANGIQ7ECAEL7GBKCA8R1O4 LCAF5SXOD
A controversial retail outlet which opened in Strabane last week was temporarily closed by health officials on Monday pending an investigation into lack of safety practices and potential impropriety.
‘The Tan in Strabane’, a tanning studio in Urney Road, owned and operated by farmer Eamon Nugent, was investigated by trading standard officials from Omagh following numerous complaints.
Nugent defended his shop putting it down to what he called ‘teething troubles’.
“I’ve been in the tanning industry a long time”, he said. “Twice to Benidorm and a week in Bundoran last July during that boiling hot spell. Mighty. There’s not much I don’t know about getting a tan”.
Customers have accused the services of falling far below their expectations, including the ‘Super Deluxe All-Over Tanning Booth’, which consisted of Toner in a pair of dungarees holding two roller brushes and a bucket of what apparently looked suspiciously like creosote.
“Creosote? How dare you. Not in my establishment”, bristled Nugent. “I use nothing but the finest products. Anyway, if it was good enough for 200 yards of timber fence, it’s good enough for some of the wemin round these parts. Thon last coat went on in 2008 and it still looks like new. What are they complaining about?”
Other complaints relate to the ‘Nail & Beauty Bar’, consisting of a pair of pliers, a wire brush, and some sandpaper. Nugent was also accused of over-charging a generously-proportioned customer for a tanning session on account of her size.
“Aye, she was a big unit all right”, admitted Nugent. “I told her that because of the extra beef on her she’d get charged more so I slapped on an extra tenner. Materials aren’t free you know. Should have charged her per square foot. I’d have made a buckin’ fortune”.
Trading standards official Ronan Docherty, said,
“What are people playing at anyway, trying to get tan round these parts? It’s hardly Donaghmore is it? They’re not wise in Strabane. They’re trying to compete with all these Europeans types that have moved here when everyone knows that Strabane people can do two colours – tomato or snow. Half them ones that went to that shop would get burnt looking a picture of the moon. Eejits”.
The salon is closed until further notice.
JAN 14
Posted by Gombeen
BY SHENGAS MCGLUMPHIE9H82SCAD1JNKUCAKSAM4ECA4CFUS8CABDPQ8CCAX R4253CA9UCDRXCAZBL4K7CA1YI0EICAZ6P35OCAEDMHWLCAHUX D0ZCAPW5AAECAQL7DFICAR354RDCANGIQ7ECAEL7GBKCA8R1O4 LCAF5SXOD
A controversial retail outlet which opened in Strabane last week was temporarily closed by health officials on Monday pending an investigation into lack of safety practices and potential impropriety.
‘The Tan in Strabane’, a tanning studio in Urney Road, owned and operated by farmer Eamon Nugent, was investigated by trading standard officials from Omagh following numerous complaints.
Nugent defended his shop putting it down to what he called ‘teething troubles’.
“I’ve been in the tanning industry a long time”, he said. “Twice to Benidorm and a week in Bundoran last July during that boiling hot spell. Mighty. There’s not much I don’t know about getting a tan”.
Customers have accused the services of falling far below their expectations, including the ‘Super Deluxe All-Over Tanning Booth’, which consisted of Toner in a pair of dungarees holding two roller brushes and a bucket of what apparently looked suspiciously like creosote.
“Creosote? How dare you. Not in my establishment”, bristled Nugent. “I use nothing but the finest products. Anyway, if it was good enough for 200 yards of timber fence, it’s good enough for some of the wemin round these parts. Thon last coat went on in 2008 and it still looks like new. What are they complaining about?”
Other complaints relate to the ‘Nail & Beauty Bar’, consisting of a pair of pliers, a wire brush, and some sandpaper. Nugent was also accused of over-charging a generously-proportioned customer for a tanning session on account of her size.
“Aye, she was a big unit all right”, admitted Nugent. “I told her that because of the extra beef on her she’d get charged more so I slapped on an extra tenner. Materials aren’t free you know. Should have charged her per square foot. I’d have made a buckin’ fortune”.
Trading standards official Ronan Docherty, said,
“What are people playing at anyway, trying to get tan round these parts? It’s hardly Donaghmore is it? They’re not wise in Strabane. They’re trying to compete with all these Europeans types that have moved here when everyone knows that Strabane people can do two colours – tomato or snow. Half them ones that went to that shop would get burnt looking a picture of the moon. Eejits”.
The salon is closed until further notice.
Jan 17th 2014, 1:46 pm
#2
Im a 77 year old nutcase
Thread Starter
Joined: Mar 2011
Location: Playa del ingles...Gran Canaria..
Posts: 4,774
Re: You got to laugh at us Irish
The Irish are justly famous for their hospitality. But the flip side of this welcoming tradition is that, in every Irish household, there are unwritten -- but ironclad -- rules of conduct. Many of these rules seem so normal to Irish people that to see them written down in black and white seems just as hilarious as the fact that we follow them without thinking.
The following list of ten things you should never do in an Irish household by blogger Robbie Dunne will remind Irish people everywhere of the quirks and oddities of growing up in Ireland.
1. Let the heat get out.
When you walk into a room and don't close the door behind you in the middle of winter, you’re asking for “a mouthful of abuse” or “a slap on the side of the head, depending on how close you are to the offended party.”
2. Let the fire go out.
To let the fire go out on your watch is seen as a sign of pure laziness and selfishness. “This might seem a little dramatic but it is true. You will never be able to own your own house or live alone if you can't simply "throw a few briquettes on the fire"’.
3. Leave the immersion on.
You can go to hell for this one. The ultimate act of laziness and selfish disregard is to leave the immersion on. The usual response from Irish parents are something along the lines of ‘where do you think the money comes from??’ while helpfully informing you that it doesn’t grow on trees.
4. Leave the curtains pulled later than 9 o’clock in the day.
Leaving the curtains closed usually means no one has bothered getting up yet so the usual Irish mammy response to forgetting to open the curtains in a room is ‘"They'll think we're sleeping all day"’.
5. Throw your dinner in the bin.
This is something you simply don’t do. Most farm households will have a scrap bucket for their dogs that everything from a left over potato to the quarter of a dodgy indian curry you brought home on a night out will make its way into.
6. Boil the kettle with no water in it.
Making the mistake of boiling a kettle without water is simply a waste of good tea making time not to mention that it turns the mundane kettle into a lethal explosive device according to many Irish parents. After we’ve been warned about the dangers of exploding kettles and picking bits of metal out of our faces for the next month, we learn to pick up that kettle and give it a good shake before boiling.
7. Make tea for yourself without offering some to the rest of the family.
Irish families have a mental scoreboard in their head, so that although you may think you have gotten away with conveniently forgetting the rest of your family while making a lovely cuppa for yourself, it’s been noted, recorded and shelved on the mental scoreboard and Irish grudges are not known for their brevity. The exception to the rule, Robbie reminds us, is the Irish son, whom the Irish mammy could simply never exclude from the tea round.
8. Eat a sandwich without a bag of crisps (chips).
The Irish sandwich is not something to be messed with but when in another country, one has to settle for adding second rate crisps with our sandwiches in wistful memory of the King or Tayto taste. The most fulfilling sandwich doesn’t quite hit the spot without a packet of cheese and onion to complete it!
9. Change the channel when your mother is watching Coronation Street.
The Irish mammy is the queen of multitasking and juggles 20 things with one hand and does the ironing with the other while shouting at her children to open the curtains and keep the heat in but when she finally settles in to watch her beloved soap, it’s more than you’re life’s worth to change that channel.
10. Never question what your father is doing out in the garden.
No matter what bizarre fashion of digging, hammering and noise making that your father is putting all of his strength and concentration into, don’t ask why. There will never be a satisfactory answer to this question so it’s better not to ask. Robbie Dunne’s mother would regularly answer his question with ‘“Leave him off, sure he’s happy”’.
The following list of ten things you should never do in an Irish household by blogger Robbie Dunne will remind Irish people everywhere of the quirks and oddities of growing up in Ireland.
1. Let the heat get out.
When you walk into a room and don't close the door behind you in the middle of winter, you’re asking for “a mouthful of abuse” or “a slap on the side of the head, depending on how close you are to the offended party.”
2. Let the fire go out.
To let the fire go out on your watch is seen as a sign of pure laziness and selfishness. “This might seem a little dramatic but it is true. You will never be able to own your own house or live alone if you can't simply "throw a few briquettes on the fire"’.
3. Leave the immersion on.
You can go to hell for this one. The ultimate act of laziness and selfish disregard is to leave the immersion on. The usual response from Irish parents are something along the lines of ‘where do you think the money comes from??’ while helpfully informing you that it doesn’t grow on trees.
4. Leave the curtains pulled later than 9 o’clock in the day.
Leaving the curtains closed usually means no one has bothered getting up yet so the usual Irish mammy response to forgetting to open the curtains in a room is ‘"They'll think we're sleeping all day"’.
5. Throw your dinner in the bin.
This is something you simply don’t do. Most farm households will have a scrap bucket for their dogs that everything from a left over potato to the quarter of a dodgy indian curry you brought home on a night out will make its way into.
6. Boil the kettle with no water in it.
Making the mistake of boiling a kettle without water is simply a waste of good tea making time not to mention that it turns the mundane kettle into a lethal explosive device according to many Irish parents. After we’ve been warned about the dangers of exploding kettles and picking bits of metal out of our faces for the next month, we learn to pick up that kettle and give it a good shake before boiling.
7. Make tea for yourself without offering some to the rest of the family.
Irish families have a mental scoreboard in their head, so that although you may think you have gotten away with conveniently forgetting the rest of your family while making a lovely cuppa for yourself, it’s been noted, recorded and shelved on the mental scoreboard and Irish grudges are not known for their brevity. The exception to the rule, Robbie reminds us, is the Irish son, whom the Irish mammy could simply never exclude from the tea round.
8. Eat a sandwich without a bag of crisps (chips).
The Irish sandwich is not something to be messed with but when in another country, one has to settle for adding second rate crisps with our sandwiches in wistful memory of the King or Tayto taste. The most fulfilling sandwich doesn’t quite hit the spot without a packet of cheese and onion to complete it!
9. Change the channel when your mother is watching Coronation Street.
The Irish mammy is the queen of multitasking and juggles 20 things with one hand and does the ironing with the other while shouting at her children to open the curtains and keep the heat in but when she finally settles in to watch her beloved soap, it’s more than you’re life’s worth to change that channel.
10. Never question what your father is doing out in the garden.
No matter what bizarre fashion of digging, hammering and noise making that your father is putting all of his strength and concentration into, don’t ask why. There will never be a satisfactory answer to this question so it’s better not to ask. Robbie Dunne’s mother would regularly answer his question with ‘“Leave him off, sure he’s happy”’.
Jan 17th 2014, 2:29 pm
#3
Joined: Jun 2006
Location: Granada Costa
Posts: 10,899
Re: You got to laugh at us Irish
We really don't need yet another joke thread. Please post these in your other thread.
