TheArmChairDetective

Hi toorainyinbritain,
welcome to BE.
I know you will have millions of questions, sometime others have asked not quite the same but very similar questions to the one's you are going to have.
Most can be found using the search option within the board.
Hope to read more from you.

Big Pete

Oh i am a fussy one for sure , like perfection and wont settle for second rate

Will be interesting to see how i cope i know !
As i get older i get worse as well !! You know in a restaurant when they ask "Did you enjoy the meal ?" If its crap i tell them

Mrs BigPete says oh dont start , just say yes it was fine ? I say Nah tell it as i see it ,or they wont improve and the next customer gets the same trash

MnM

Remind me never to invite you over for a meal *lol*

Big Pete

No never rude like that .. If you cooked it i would eat it and wouldnt say a word but if you paying good money and its a average meal they should be told ..

Thats the problem in England everyone is scared to say anything nowdays

rugbymatt

Holy crap this thread is old!

EsuriJohn

Hi Nomad,

Spain is a huge diverse country, leave the Costa's to the "Chavs" there's plenty left for the rest of us!

Regards,

John.

spain

talking of chavs

Q) What do you call a chav in a box?
A) Innit

Q) What do you call a chav in a small box?
A) Innit just

Q) What do you call a chav in a suit?
A The accused

Q) What do you call a chav in space?
A) Well out

Q) What do you call a chav in an extremely small box?
A) Innit blud

Q) What do you call a chav in a vault?
A) Safe

Q) What do you call a chav in a filing cabinet?
A) Sorted

Q) What’s wrong with putting 4 chavs in a mini bus and pushing it over a cliff?
A) You can fit 18 in a mini bus

Q) Why should you never run over a chav on a bike?
A) It's probably your bike

Q) 2 chavs are in a car, there’s no music on, who is driving?
A) The Police

Q) 2 chavs are fighting on a cliff side, both fall over the edge and die, who wins?
A) Society

Q) What do you call 20 chavs at the bottom of a river?
A) Good start

Q) What do you call 100 chavs at the bottom of a river?
A) A Dream

Q) What do you call all the chavs at the bottom of a river?
A) a dream come true

Q) What do chavs use for protection during sex?
A) A bus stop

Q) How does a chav turn off the light after having sex?
A) It throws a brick at the lamp-post

Q) How does a chavette turn off the light after having sex?
A) She closes the car door.

Q) What do chavs and slinkys have in common?
A) They're both useless, but it's fun to watch them fall down stairs

Q) Whats more fun than watching a chav fall down a flight of stairs?
A) Pushing one down

Q) What’s the difference between a chav and a coconut?
A) One’s brown and hairy, the other is a coconut

Q) What’s the difference between a chavette and an orange?
A) One’s orange and pimply, the other is an orange

Q) What do you call a chav in a three-bedroom house?
A) A burglar

Q) What do you say to a chav with a job?
A) “Can I have fries with that?”

Q) What do you say to a chav at the peak of its career?
A) "Can I have fries with that?"

Q) What do you say to a chav in a suit?
A) “Will the defendant please rise”

Q) What do you call a chav with 5 GCSEs?
A) A liar

Q) What do you call a chav in a job centre?
A) Lost

Q) What do you call a chav in a cement mixer?
A) Hard

Q) What do you call a chavette in a white tracksuit?
A) The bride

Q) What's a chav's definiton of safe sex?
A) Locking the car door

Q) Why do chavs always laugh at the end of their sentences?
A) To compensate for all the dropped 'h's

Q} Why is dogshit better than a chav?
A} At least the dogshit stops stinking after a while.

Q) How do you know if a chav has burgled your home?
A} The bin is empty and the dog is pregnant.

Q) Whats the difference between a chav and a terrorist?
A} You can negotiate with a terrorist.

Q) What do you call a 25 year old chav?
A) Granny.

Q) What do you call a 26 year old chav?
A) Dead.

Q) What do you call 50, 26 year old chavs?
A) Graveyard.

Q) What do you call a group of chavs?
A) Crimescene.

Q) What do you call a chav who speaks proper english?
A) Fake.

Q) What do you call a person who smells, has AIDs, and will never get a proper job, Let alone any?
A) Chav.

Q) What does a 15 year old chav say to his 17 year old girlfriend?
A) Hey mum.

Q) What do you do when you see a chav with half a face?
A) Stop laughing and re-load.

Q) What do you call a chav in a packet of crips?
A) “Salted”(sounds like sorted)

Q) What do you call a chav with an IQ higher than 60?
A) A genius among retards.

Q) What do you call a chav with no name?
A) It doesn't matter, he's still a wanker.

Q) What do you call a chav with more than 10 quid in his pocket?
A) Guilty.

Q) What do you do if you run over a chav?
A) Reverse, just to make sure.

Q) What do you call a chav locked in a metal box?
A) "Safe"

Q) What intellect does a chav have?
A) Less than a dead fish.

Q) How can you tell if a chavette is pregnant?
A) She can run faster than her brothers!

silverchick

oh so many of them where we come from!!!

Big Pete

Do you know ? well obviously not as i havent typed yet silly opening anyways ;

Today on weighing up the fact that legally i can Never ever choose to light a cigarette whilst having my regular shopping Cup of Coffee break at the nice shopping place , even though the place was fully air conditioned and had segregated seats with extraction fans above ..

Whilst having some 8 weeks of sort of naff weather and having a letter from the Council advising me that as i missed last months rates payment !! Mrs BP dept to do the cheques for me to sign prior to her despatch !!
Now her excuse we was in Mallorca hmmmmm valid point so i let her off as i am good like that
So they say now i must sign a dd form or pay all the year upfront ! Yea right i am gonna do that
Like to see them take me to court for not paying something thats in advance silly useless Council
and dd yea right we take what we want if you miss it on the statement tough as you can try and get it back !! Nope not that silly thanks !!


Anyways it got me reflecting and seriously thinking what would i miss in England ??

And you know the only 1 thing that i could come up ? Course you dont silly question i havent typed it yet ! lol

Well its.
Just Familuarality ! the fact that if you need a plumber you can grab the yellow pages and find one . ok fair enough they wont get here maybe and if they did probably cost a fortune but just the knowing what to do !!

But thats it ?

Seems that they have done me a big favour with the new smoking law as now my little 2 girls who run the little coffee shop will no longer be there as the owner told me got to shut !! most customers had really yellow teeth and smelt like ashtrays but they was the ones that used the place the most and wont be able to anymore
So shopping in the Uk which already was boring with same old names and same old stuff in the rain is not gonna be the same

There is absolutely NOT 1 thing apart from language that i would miss ..
and as each day goes on it just gets less and less desirable ..

scampicat

We came here to live a different life in a sunny Spanish village for a while.

We've been here nearly three years after having taken early retirement.

At some point we will return to the UK, when that will be I don't know - but we will know when the time comes. We've kept our house in the UK.

We're having an adventure.

Big Pete

Thats your life story ! Not why stay in England

scampicat

OK then...

green grass
beuatiful scenery
riives with water in
rivers that reach the sea
no invernerados
indian takeaways
fish and chips


will that do?

mingusdynasty

Friends and family
Worlds best democracy
Freedom of speech
History
Wealthy country with low poverty
access to free health care system
Excellent emergency services
Good facilities
Amazing cultural heritage
Sense of humor only fellow brits understand

lynnxa

but they only come on holiday.........then we get our town & beaches back for 10 months

mikelincs

Wheras I do agree with some of your points, I find I just can't agree with the ones left, especially now. I fell that the ones left have sadly disappeared.