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Why Do family's Not support you

Why Do family's Not support you

Old Aug 30th 2006, 5:44 am
  #31  
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Default Re: Why Do family's Not support you

Originally Posted by the sun is shining
Hi,
Dont be sorry for ranting it is lovely to have everyone have there say? i must say though i do know that boys when older are influenced by there women I am lucky i have been blessed with three girls and yes the oldest one is a nightmare at the moment (she's 14) i Just hope they know i am here and everything i do it's done for them.

I always make the effort for my husbands family, and i always say you must go and see your mum, however his like 'it's the weekend its our time' but i do understand what you are saying and to be fair they are being cheeky, but you enjoy your time with your partner and let them get on with it
If my two are anything to go by, they will probably only realise that everything you do is for them when they are 20 odd.

That is so funny, both my first and second husband (that sounds bad) needed to be nagged to visit their Mums. I guess it is just the way they are and I have no idea why the mother in law jokes are always aimed at the wife's mother, when, again in my experience (and lots of others) it is normally the husband's Mum that is a pain in the proverbial. I'm trying to work out where that leaves me, as a Mum with a son and a daughter
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Old Aug 30th 2006, 6:41 am
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Default Re: Why Do family's Not support you

Originally Posted by Tricia
If my two are anything to go by, they will probably only realise that everything you do is for them when they are 20 odd.

That is so funny, both my first and second husband (that sounds bad) needed to be nagged to visit their Mums. I guess it is just the way they are and I have no idea why the mother in law jokes are always aimed at the wife's mother, when, again in my experience (and lots of others) it is normally the husband's Mum that is a pain in the proverbial. I'm trying to work out where that leaves me, as a Mum with a son and a daughter
Hi,
I am two on my second marriage i married my two oldest dad when i was 17 and then met my current husband 6 years ago after being on my own 3 years however my time has come to try for a fuller and better life i understand what you are saying getting them to see there mums maybe its a man thing ha ha ha
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Old Aug 30th 2006, 6:43 am
  #33  
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Default Re: Why Do family's Not support you

Originally Posted by gallerie9
Hi
sorry i was ranting
My partner and I have never demanded any thing from our parents, not time or money, and well its hard when children, I know they are not mine, but I have two and they know not to talk to me like that, when they come it will be me doing the running around, and trying to keep everyone happy, and I am nothing but kind to them, and I constantly try to appease them, but the boys (and one of the girlfriends) not his daughters talk to him like he is an idiot and I find that very hard to put up with. I am ranting again sorry !!!!!
And i know they treat there Mum and her partner the same but she tells them off !!!!!!
It would be wonderful to have it all but life as it is now is not like that, I once had that but my husband died so I started again and I am very Happy just sometimes a little stressed
But life in Spain is amazing and if you have the chance take it hold it with both hands and never look back
Hi,
Where in Spain are you? I'm very sorry about your husband i do wish you well? and be strong and enjoy yourself with your partner. i look at life as this is not a rehearsal and you are long time dead be happy
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Old Aug 30th 2006, 9:55 am
  #34  
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Default Re: Why Do family's Not support you

Hi all

I am the same, we (my husband and me) are goingto move over to Spain early next year if all goes to plan. My mom in law is all for us going(shes never liked me ) My mom is in denial, I told her we were planning to move a couple of weeks age but she won't really speak about it. She has agoraphobia and I have really done most things, shopping, fetching her benefits etc. for the past 17 years. I do have two brothers who haven't done a lot so think perhaps they can take their turn now. It is going to be hard to leave my mom but I don't want to get too old to make the move and let my life pass me by
I also have a daughter(24) and grandaughter(16 months) and a son (18 who I have asked to come with us) who have all said to go for it. I know I will have bad days but if I don't make the move I know I will always regret it. So Gallerie9, TSIS and all, enjoy your life, why should we live our lives through other people. Sometimes we are entitled to be a little selfish, life is for living we are only here once it int no dress rehearsal. Sorry for going on a bit
Karen
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Old Aug 30th 2006, 10:27 am
  #35  
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Smile Re: Why Do family's Not support you

Originally Posted by Tricia
You can only do what you can do and no more. If you and hubby make eachother happy then that's all that matters. I wonder why the boys are different to the girls, I'm guessing maturity or feeling threatened or just plain selfish, all things they will probably grow out of anyway. It must be difficult if your hubby doesn't want to tackle them about the way they speak to him because you would for sure be the 'wicked one' if you did and he didn't, sometimes Men just hate any kind of confrontation don't they. Then again you could find some new found respect from them if you didn't put up with it, only you can answer that one.

Don't fret too much
This has been a heck of a topic on here and brought many responses and many feelings to the fore, good and bad but reading between the lines of some, I would say that families are causing unnecessary badness, whether it be consciously or not.

I have 1 daughter, 3 sons, 3 grandsons and 1 grandaughter, my daughter is the 'absolute' opposite of me so should of guessed she would do it the other way round! lol

I had parents and had brothers all are now deceased through illness or accident and these things bring your life into perspective, they make you realise that the 'here and now' is what is important, that friendships and families will stick together no matter what, no matter where on the globe you are, one phone call is all that it takes, and come hell or high water, you will get there when one of your own needs you.


It isn't easy having the guts to 'up sticks', leave that which is familiar, safe, in the comfort zone. The fact is, many people would love to do this but either 'can't', 'wont'', 'get too much hassle from family'. That is unfair, the world is now open to all of us, we are not going into exile, we are not turning our back, just 'exploring'. It isn't the end of the world as we know it! It isn't Australia - just Spain, two hours away. Goodness knows but my daughter is married to a soldier and one of the options for posting next year is down South, 5 hours away for me, one of the other options is Germany - so which is nearer??

To those of you who have posted with pain in their hearts - don't, you do not have the problem, tell those who are making this pain to look into themselves and tell you the real reason they oppose what you want to do, probably find that they love you really and will miss you but can't find the words!

Good Luck everyone
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Old Aug 30th 2006, 10:54 am
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Default Re: Why Do family's Not support you

Originally Posted by Lorna1234
This has been a heck of a topic on here and brought many responses and many feelings to the fore, good and bad but reading between the lines of some, I would say that families are causing unnecessary badness, whether it be consciously or not.


I had parents and had brothers all are now deceased through illness or accident and these things bring your life into perspective, they make you realise that the 'here and now' is what is important,

To those of you who have posted with pain in their hearts - don't, you do not have the problem, tell those who are making this pain to look into themselves and tell you the real reason they oppose what you want to do, probably find that they love you really and will miss you but can't find the words!

Good Luck everyone
Great post and even greater that as women we can all in some way identify with eachothers problems, be they different from our own. That's why we should rule the world

Strange too that 'bring your life into perspective' for some of us will mean 'to go' and for others like me 'not to go'. It means more to me to know that I am around and will be for my parents in their old age because lets face it, that is when they are going to need me most and when they will be most vulnerable and lonely and I simply couldn't bear that. Strangely enough they would be the first to say 'go', ooh ahh, maybe I get on their proverbials, lol. Or maybe that's just where the 'guts' come in, and I don't have it

It will all come right in the end, normally does.
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Old Aug 30th 2006, 9:51 pm
  #37  
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Default Re: Why Do family's Not support you

Originally Posted by the sun is shining
Hi,
We are moving to Spain very soon, My god you would think i am moving to the other side of the world, not a 2 hour flight.

Has anyone had this problem with family's not being very supportive and thinking you are making a big mistake.

They either cant crasp that we are really going or it's why do you want to go there?

I get "look what you are giving up" Mmmmm my reply is well we have sold our home, my material things i could not give two hoots about, My husband is self employed and works for himself so not exactly in a employed job.

Also i only see my family every few months i do speak to them everyday on the phone but i am sure i can continue that.

Has anyone ever have similar experience and how did they deal with them, i honestly dont think we will be having any leaving do, are they being genuinely caring or do you think secretly they would of loved to have the bottle to get up and go!!!!!!
because they dont want you to leave. a journey for a gran & grandad is not about time, or distance, its about how easy, and normal it is after doing it for 10 years. they know the route, they know the times, they know the traffic, the busses etc. if you move to spain and leave them behind its a big change, its a difference. they might be able to get here quicker and have a nice holiday in the sun.. but they cant pop over for the day can they? they cant come whenever they feel like it, wander to the bus station and jump on the next one. they have to book it, to get insurance, to pack a suitcase, to carry a suitcase...

do you see what i´m getting at ?

its all about change.
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Old Aug 30th 2006, 10:15 pm
  #38  
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Default Re: Why Do family's Not support you

Originally Posted by bfg69bug
because they dont want you to leave. a journey for a gran & grandad is not about time, or distance, its about how easy, and normal it is after doing it for 10 years. they know the route, they know the times, they know the traffic, the busses etc. if you move to spain and leave them behind its a big change, its a difference. they might be able to get here quicker and have a nice holiday in the sun.. but they cant pop over for the day can they? they cant come whenever they feel like it, wander to the bus station and jump on the next one. they have to book it, to get insurance, to pack a suitcase, to carry a suitcase...

do you see what i´m getting at ?

its all about change.
We moved over here last year, I only had a sister, brother in law and nephews, my wife left 2 brothers, a son daughter in law and grandchildren. They were all for us going, but we realised it was a big step however wifes son etc have been out twice, and one of her brothers has been out once and is talking about coming later this year again. My brother in law has recently retired, and they are looking at moving to Crete. Yes it was hard after sons first visit seeing them going back, but we are all on the internet, with web cam etc, so can easily keep in touch, talk to and see each other, and that's even free, apart form our Broadband cost. Phone calls using phone card are cheap so easy to keep in touch that way
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Old Aug 30th 2006, 10:41 pm
  #39  
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Default Re: Why Do family's Not support you

Originally Posted by bfg69bug
because they dont want you to leave. a journey for a gran & grandad is not about time, or distance, its about how easy, and normal it is after doing it for 10 years. they know the route, they know the times, they know the traffic, the busses etc. if you move to spain and leave them behind its a big change, its a difference. they might be able to get here quicker and have a nice holiday in the sun.. but they cant pop over for the day can they? they cant come whenever they feel like it, wander to the bus station and jump on the next one. they have to book it, to get insurance, to pack a suitcase, to carry a suitcase...

do you see what i´m getting at ?

its all about change.
Hi,
I agree but they dont do that now anyway they are only in there 50s, if i was very close to them i would still go as im doing this for my family i cant put my life on hold until they have passed away because then i would be old.
but i do see what you are saying
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Old Aug 31st 2006, 9:22 am
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Default Re: Why Do family's Not support you

Originally Posted by the sun is shining
Hi,
I agree but they dont do that now anyway they are only in there 50s, if i was very close to them i would still go as im doing this for my family i cant put my life on hold until they have passed away because then i would be old.
but i do see what you are saying
He has a point about change but as you say 50s is still young!! People in their 60s and 70s are making ambitious trips, and I know a couple in their 80s whose daughter has moved to New Zealand and they fly over to visit them !!!
On the other hand I know a couple who are mid 50s who wanted to live in Spain, but her daughter, about 22, spends most of the time at her BF's house, kicked up such a fuss at mum moving abroad that they changed their minds
The fact is that some people like change, and some people do not. Some people live in the place they were born for all of their lives, some move around.
Perhaps rather than trying to convince them, slip into the conversation that if Spain doesn't work out you may consider Australia... that should shut them up....
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Old Aug 31st 2006, 10:11 am
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Default Re: Why Do family's Not support you

Originally Posted by poollounger
............................
Perhaps rather than trying to convince them, slip into the conversation that if Spain doesn't work out you may consider Australia... that should shut them up....

I love the end bit Excellent!

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Old Aug 31st 2006, 10:24 am
  #42  
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Default Re: Why Do family's Not support you

I thought that too Lorna
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Old Aug 31st 2006, 6:41 pm
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Default Re: Why Do family's Not support you

Originally Posted by kaylee
Hi all

I am the same, we (my husband and me) are goingto move over to Spain early next year if all goes to plan. My mom in law is all for us going(shes never liked me ) My mom is in denial, I told her we were planning to move a couple of weeks age but she won't really speak about it. She has agoraphobia and I have really done most things, shopping, fetching her benefits etc. for the past 17 years. I do have two brothers who haven't done a lot so think perhaps they can take their turn now. It is going to be hard to leave my mom but I don't want to get too old to make the move and let my life pass me by
I also have a daughter(24) and grandaughter(16 months) and a son (18 who I have asked to come with us) who have all said to go for it. I know I will have bad days but if I don't make the move I know I will always regret it. So Gallerie9, TSIS and all, enjoy your life, why should we live our lives through other people. Sometimes we are entitled to be a little selfish, life is for living we are only here once it int no dress rehearsal. Sorry for going on a bit
Karen
A parent with agrophobia can be a very difficult thing to deal with. My mother, now deceased, was the same for many years. Even to the extent of not wanting me or my sister to leave town for a weekend at the same time. We did and she came to no harm. When I moved to London she could not visit, until one day she just snapped and said well I can be miserable for the rest of my life or make an effort and she did and visited many times. I realise Spain is a different proposition, but pandering to a persons agrophobia rather than trying to get them help is not always the solution. I have a friend who has inherited around half a million pounds, has looks (she was a model in her younger days), grown up children and a beautiful home, but anything more than a trip to the local shops is a stress and tear inducing event. Good luck.
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Old Aug 31st 2006, 8:37 pm
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Default Re: Why Do family's Not support you

Thanks poollounger i have used us moving to Spain to try to get her to have some help but she blames other people for her problem instead of trying to move on
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Old Aug 31st 2006, 11:47 pm
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Default Re: Why Do family's Not support you

Originally Posted by Tricia
You can only do what you can do and no more. If you and hubby make eachother happy then that's all that matters. I wonder why the boys are different to the girls, I'm guessing maturity or feeling threatened or just plain selfish, all things they will probably grow out of anyway. It must be difficult if your hubby doesn't want to tackle them about the way they speak to him because you would for sure be the 'wicked one' if you did and he didn't, sometimes Men just hate any kind of confrontation don't they. Then again you could find some new found respect from them if you didn't put up with it, only you can answer that one.

Don't fret too much
It´s the old saying your daughter is your daughter for life but a son is only your son until he takes a wife.
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