XTreme

For newer members I'll explain!

The Skills Plane is what many Brits board to come over to Spain.
When they emerge from the plane they've suddenly assumed a whole new set of skills that they never had before. In fact they've not just assumed new skills....they've assumed a new identity and a new life history!
They're then ready for the 2-3 year cycle of dumbass business ideas, nonstop bullshitting, and continual squabbling with other Brits.....before they board the plane home wearing their "I went to Spain and f o c k e d up" T shirts.

Anyway.....here's a typical Skills Plane graduate's resume:

I am a dynamic figure, often seen scaling walls and crushing ice. I have been known to remodel train stations on my lunch breaks, making them more efficient in the area of heat retention. I translate ethnic slurs for Cuban refugees, I write award-winning operas, I manage time efficiently. Occasionally, I tread water for three days in a row.

I woo women with my sensuous and godlike trombone playing, I can pilot bicycles up severe inclines with unflagging speed, and I cook Thirty-Minute Brownies in twenty minutes. I am an expert in stucco, a veteran in love, and an outlaw in Peru.

Using only a hoe and a large glass of water, I once single-handedly defended a small village in the Amazon Basin from a horde of ferocious army ants. I play bluegrass cello, I was scouted by the Mets, I am the subject of numerous documentaries. When I'm bored, I build large suspension bridges in my yard. I enjoy urban hang gliding. On Wednesdays, after school, I repair electrical appliances free of charge.

I am an abstract artist, a concrete analyst, and a ruthless bookie. Critics worldwide swoon over my original line of corduroy evening wear. I don't perspire. I am a private citizen, yet I receive fan mail. My deft floral arrangements have earned me fame in international botany circles. Children trust me.

I can hurl tennis rackets at small moving objects with deadly accuracy. I once read Paradise Lost, Moby Dick, and David Copperfield in one day and still had time to refurbish an entire dining room that evening. I know the exact location of every food item in the supermarket. I have performed several covert operations with the CIA. I sleep once a week; when I do sleep, I sleep in a chair. While on vacation in Canada, I successfully negotiated with a group of terrorists who had seized a small bakery. The laws of physics do not apply to me.

I balance, I weave, I dodge, I frolic, and my bills are all paid. On weekends, to let off steam, I participate in full-contact origami. Years ago I discovered the meaning of life but forgot to write it down. I have made extraordinary four course meals using only a mouli and a toaster oven.

I breed prizewinning clams. I have won bullfights in San Juan, cliff-diving competitions in Sri Lanka, and spelling bees at the Kremlin. I have played Hamlet, I have performed open-heart surgery, and I have spoken with Elvis.

Hey.....I'm not telling you anything you don't already know!

DebsyW

Would you mind if I copied that into my next CV? or would you sue me?

DebsyW

..... oh, and could you sort me out a website... for free?

Lionda

You could have been talking to some of the people on the urb we were buying on

twyntub

You forgot to mention those happy times we spent in the Special Air Service together...

Actually, with that CV you could be talking about the Stig ("Some say his left nipple is in the shape of the Nurburgring, and that he cannot be seen by ducks").




...you're not the Stig are you?

rugbymatt

of the dump yeah....