Pugsy

On another topic completely... Does anyone have experience of moving their parents either near to them or into their property. We're ex-SA, now in Spain and my parents are retiring this year (UK resident/citizens).

Anyway, any experiences welcome, positives, negatives, pitfalls to avoid, things to help them with. Recommended, not recommended.

Possibly could be a granny flat option, or just somewhere nearby, so we can spend quality time together. My husband and I haven't had a night out since we got here as no babysitters!??!!

Alba-gu-brath

I look after my mother as she has mobility problems , living in the same house as your parents is ok 99% of the time but the other 1% is hard .
When i move out to spain my mum is coming too .
Family are family

Pugsy

Thanks, that's 1 positive vote then!

spain

can only speak from my own experience - and I would say dont do it !!!

my husband and I along with our son came over with my parents to all live together for a couple of years.....very long story short but it ended in heartache and disaster and our relationship with them is now ruined forever

however close you think you are it rarely works out, Im sure there was a thread last year sometime about this

friends of ours also did the same but had a villa that was separated into 2 apartments, so they each had their own space but again it didnt work out and they are all now back in England - my parents also returned to UK after 6 months

Rosemary

+

Agree with you totally. No matter how much we love our family and how well we get on living together under one roof can be so destructive to the relationship. We all need to have mini breaks from our partners and children, work and school offer these breaks and help to keep the relationships healthy and intact. Each and every person have their own little foibles that can be endearing but also annoying and usually it is the silly little things that cause the biggest arguments and bad feelings.

Living close to family members but not with them is probably the best solution as this gives people personal space, privacy but also the security of knowing that someone is on hand to help or chat. Therefore the best of both worlds for all concerned.

Rosemary

Rosemary

Sorry forgot another aspect. Regarding new retirees. The transition from working to retiring is often full of different stresses on the people involved. Your parents will be going through the process of adapting to not working, facing a huge life changing move of house, change of country with its lack of familiarity and maybe living under the same roof as you and your family. So many new things that can put people under a great deal of strain all rolled into one can be a real recipe for disaster.

I personally was not ready to retire when we moved to Spain and have taken two years to realise that I actually like being retired because it has made it possible for me to gain different experiences. Initially I missed my full time work so much that it affected everything I did and thought, now I have it in perspective but that has taken time. I have still not come to terms with not being able to do the counselling that I used to do so I still have the feeling of being unfulfilled but guess that this will also diminish with time.

Ask yourself a lot of questions about what life will be like for your family and your parents before making a decision that could be detrimental to your relationship with them.

I am not trying to be negative but realistic and honest.

Good luck.

Rosemary

MrsTeapot

Haven't done it in Spain but have done it in the UK, on a trial basis to begin with. It all worked out fine and we continue to live next door to each other. The next door bit helps. No-one can annoy each other with noise etc.

A lot of it is down to personalities. Also depends whether they are the interfering type or able to stand back. Also if you are laid back and easy going it helps. If you are someone who gets wound up easily it won't work.

We've never fallen out at all, but we are ALL easy going.

I agree with the poster above about retiring being a stressful new time in their lives, coupled with new country stresses. They will have left their support network of friends behind too. They will need to move somewhere they can easily access people of their own age with similar interests/things they can join.

Pugsy

Thanks. There's valid points from both perspectives here, I appreciate the opinions and the point about their transition into retirement is very valid. I can definately see that some separation is needed or it may all go t*** up!

brisca

I have no particularly valid experience about this matter; but just wanted to add from a cultural point of view...................isn't it interesting that Spanish people (tend to) do this without a second thought?

OK, so I haven't had experience of living anywhere in Spain other than our tiny village - but here it's very common for two or even three generations all to be living - seemingly happily - under the same roof.
Of course here, everyone is pretty much related to everyone else anyway
Even if people don't share a house, they live next door to various members of the extended family, and everyone helps everyone else out.
No-one knocks on doors either - they just walk in and out of each other's houses. All very relaxed and apparently good humoured.

Just an observation, that's all.

Pugsy

Yes, you're quite right, not uncommon in parts of eastern europe as well. I'm starting to think perhaps 2 properties within the same urbanizacion, so we've all got space, but also walking distance.

brisca

That sounds like a very good compromise for all concerned; based on the experiences that people have described here.
Hope it works out happily for you all

Sam Greenfield

Hi all
My dad moved in over 3 years ago now after my mum died - works well for us - we also have one of sons friends living with us - never a quiet moment but i wouldnt have it any other way - good luck to you xxx

Pugsy

Yeah, i'm just looking forward to having some support over here and a bit of babysitting! You scratch mine, i'll scratch yours type of thing... They'll enjoy the sun and outdoors and we're all pretty chilled so hopefully it'll work out.