fionamw

Pretty much what it says on the can - Lynnxa prompted the thought with reference to intercontintal commuting. We've got a variable system, oh in UK for 10 days then here for anything between 4 & 10 days. For the family, I think the longer the better. Sometimes there are struggles over child discipline. Sometimes it's obvious he has 'his' house & I have 'ours'.
What's the concensus?

whitelinen

I suppose only you can tell if absence really makes the heart grow fonder as you are the one living that life.

It wouldnt do for me tho.

lynnxa

don't you sometimes have 'your' as in 'my' house? I know I do

when we first came over he used to travel a lot - we'd tried living 'stateside' & I hated it - he'd been travelling since the kids were tiny

yes, sometimes there are struggles over discipline - I tend to pick my battles carefully - he tends to be 'stricter'

I have to say I don't quite know how it will pan out now - he hasn't done this for a couple of years or so - the kids are older now & I wasn't working before

I do think it's better if the absences are for more than just a few days each time - 2 or so weeks is good - gives you time to settle down a bit - then start looking forward to his return - with just a few days here & a few there everything is 'up in the air' all the time

I do find it easier here than I did in the UK, I think mainly because there are so many other families in my circle in a similar position - some with 'dad' away mon-fri, some with him away a month & here a month, so it seems more 'the norm' than it did in the UK

HBG

Years ago, I was in such a position, but not now, and I sometimes miss it.

I freely admit that when she travels to visit family in another country, I quite look forward to my 'lone' time. I'm pleased when she returns, but . . .

I also look forward to my trips away, not for business reasons any more, but usually to deal with family necessities, and I'm sure that her cheery waves at the airport mean that she's happy to see the back of me too.

Years ago, again, she travelled back to England for months at a time, to work there, and I was living in a totally Spanish environment, and I didn't mind. Not minding isn't speaking the truth, I'm suffering from polite censorship, if I was Spanish perhaps I could be braver. I'll try, just this once, I loved it when she was away, there, I've said it, and damn the consequences.

Dick Dasterdly

Well there goes a very brave man.

Best keep an eye out for a big bundle of papers landing with the post.

noelrosie

My OH started working abroad on contracts of varying lengths (3 months, 6months, one year) when our youngest daughter was 2 and eldest was 4. He works all over Europe with occasional stints in USA, China, the Far East but never as far as Australia. Normal routine, as most contracts were in Europe, was for him to take 1st flight out of Heathrow on a Monday morning, leaving home at 4.00am and last flight back on a Friday night ... usually arriving back in Berkshire about midnight. Obviously when he was in USA, China or Far East it was three weeks away then a week at home, which was much more difficult. And there was much more adjustment needed for those contracts than when Daddy was only there on Saturday and Sunday when he managed to remain 'special', and each weekend seemed like a holiday!

Our youngest daughter is now 21... and my OH & I are still together and happier than we have ever been. It worked very well for us, both our girls are happy, successful and in stable relationships. My OH always supported any disciplinary action I took ... always present a united front is the best advice I can give! Our children still love spending time with us, as do we with them, and friends often remark how close we all are.

However, it was very difficult and exceptionally hard work for me (but no harder than the life of any other single mother I know) and my husband obviously missed a number of momentous events, as well as all the usual school plays and carol concerts etc.

Hope it works out well for you too

fionamw

I realise that folk might think the thread reflected a personal fear ref my own situation - I'll admit up front I don't in principle like our 'apart' time one little bit, but I wasn't aiming to whinge; I did wonder though if anyone else had stories to tell and 'surviving' techniques to share & saw it differently/the same.
Seems there's all shades of grey so far, as you might expect!

HBG

I've had that bundle, instead of fancy words, it was a gutter.

I'm going to be honest, and put my hands up - Guilty.

Guilty for falling in love.