How can I help my aged parents in Spain?
Jun 20th 2012, 4:58 pm
#1
Just Joined
Thread Starter
Joined: Jun 2012
Posts: 8
How can I help my aged parents in Spain?
hello
i was looking for advice as new to this forum. I am assuming some of you live in Spain and have retired.
My parents retired to Moraira area over 25 years ago. I have not had much contact with them except few phone calls with my mother. I left home at 16 and have rarely seen them. Now my mother has Alzheimer's and my father has put her in a home as he can no longer cope. He is also quite forgetful and finds it difficult to look after himself.
They no longer have a base in UK and they have not considered returning. They do not have a network of friends or other family. I advised my father a few years ago to sell the property and downsize to a smaller place with a full-time nurse or move to a care assisted place but they have not.
What happens to the remaining person who might not be capable of looking after themselves? I am planning on visiting but who do I see and what can i do?
I dont speak spanish and my father does not really communicate with me and rarely listens to any advice. I dont know anything yet about Spanish Law or EU regulations. I live in asia. I assume if he can sell his house he can fund a care home. I think it is 2k a month for care for my mother so I assume 4k for the both of them. That is only a few years worth of care home funds. He wont say what money he has.
Do you just have to wait for an emergency? What do the Spanish 'social services' do in these situations? If i did find a way to persuade him to sell his house and move to a home what happens to them when the house money runs out? How do you know people are cared for properly in these homes? They are not cared for well in the UK but at least I can complain to someone and talk to the people in charge.
Expats in Spain should consider what may happen as they get older or ill and provide some 'guide' to the remaining family what to do. If families are close they may hopefully have talked to each other and have good relationships with each other.
If they are not close families they need to consider that 'next of kin' still needs to know what is possible in foreign countries and to be clear about their wishes before they might not be able to communicate.
i was looking for advice as new to this forum. I am assuming some of you live in Spain and have retired.
My parents retired to Moraira area over 25 years ago. I have not had much contact with them except few phone calls with my mother. I left home at 16 and have rarely seen them. Now my mother has Alzheimer's and my father has put her in a home as he can no longer cope. He is also quite forgetful and finds it difficult to look after himself.
They no longer have a base in UK and they have not considered returning. They do not have a network of friends or other family. I advised my father a few years ago to sell the property and downsize to a smaller place with a full-time nurse or move to a care assisted place but they have not.
What happens to the remaining person who might not be capable of looking after themselves? I am planning on visiting but who do I see and what can i do?
I dont speak spanish and my father does not really communicate with me and rarely listens to any advice. I dont know anything yet about Spanish Law or EU regulations. I live in asia. I assume if he can sell his house he can fund a care home. I think it is 2k a month for care for my mother so I assume 4k for the both of them. That is only a few years worth of care home funds. He wont say what money he has.
Do you just have to wait for an emergency? What do the Spanish 'social services' do in these situations? If i did find a way to persuade him to sell his house and move to a home what happens to them when the house money runs out? How do you know people are cared for properly in these homes? They are not cared for well in the UK but at least I can complain to someone and talk to the people in charge.
Expats in Spain should consider what may happen as they get older or ill and provide some 'guide' to the remaining family what to do. If families are close they may hopefully have talked to each other and have good relationships with each other.
If they are not close families they need to consider that 'next of kin' still needs to know what is possible in foreign countries and to be clear about their wishes before they might not be able to communicate.
Jun 20th 2012, 5:11 pm
#2
BE Co-Founder
Joined: Feb 2000
Location: Florida
Posts: 25,928
Re: How can I help my aged parents in Spain?
Hi Paulette,
Welcome to BE.
I am sorry to read about your parents.
I can't help I'm afraid as I live in the US, but I've moved your post into a thread of it's own for you, and hopefully some of our members will be able to point you in the right direction.
Welcome to BE.
I am sorry to read about your parents.
I can't help I'm afraid as I live in the US, but I've moved your post into a thread of it's own for you, and hopefully some of our members will be able to point you in the right direction.
Jun 20th 2012, 6:34 pm
#3
Banned
Joined: Apr 2008
Posts: 3,081
Re: How can I help my aged parents in Spain?
hello
i was looking for advice as new to this forum. I am assuming some of you live in Spain and have retired.
My parents retired to Moraira area over 25 years ago. I have not had much contact with them except few phone calls with my mother. I left home at 16 and have rarely seen them. Now my mother has Alzheimer's and my father has put her in a home as he can no longer cope. He is also quite forgetful and finds it difficult to look after himself.
They no longer have a base in UK and they have not considered returning. They do not have a network of friends or other family. I advised my father a few years ago to sell the property and downsize to a smaller place with a full-time nurse or move to a care assisted place but they have not.
What happens to the remaining person who might not be capable of looking after themselves? I am planning on visiting but who do I see and what can i do?
I dont speak spanish and my father does not really communicate with me and rarely listens to any advice. I dont know anything yet about Spanish Law or EU regulations. I live in asia. I assume if he can sell his house he can fund a care home. I think it is 2k a month for care for my mother so I assume 4k for the both of them. That is only a few years worth of care home funds. He wont say what money he has.
Do you just have to wait for an emergency? What do the Spanish 'social services' do in these situations? If i did find a way to persuade him to sell his house and move to a home what happens to them when the house money runs out? How do you know people are cared for properly in these homes? They are not cared for well in the UK but at least I can complain to someone and talk to the people in charge.
Expats in Spain should consider what may happen as they get older or ill and provide some 'guide' to the remaining family what to do. If families are close they may hopefully have talked to each other and have good relationships with each other.
If they are not close families they need to consider that 'next of kin' still needs to know what is possible in foreign countries and to be clear about their wishes before they might not be able to communicate.
i was looking for advice as new to this forum. I am assuming some of you live in Spain and have retired.
My parents retired to Moraira area over 25 years ago. I have not had much contact with them except few phone calls with my mother. I left home at 16 and have rarely seen them. Now my mother has Alzheimer's and my father has put her in a home as he can no longer cope. He is also quite forgetful and finds it difficult to look after himself.
They no longer have a base in UK and they have not considered returning. They do not have a network of friends or other family. I advised my father a few years ago to sell the property and downsize to a smaller place with a full-time nurse or move to a care assisted place but they have not.
What happens to the remaining person who might not be capable of looking after themselves? I am planning on visiting but who do I see and what can i do?
I dont speak spanish and my father does not really communicate with me and rarely listens to any advice. I dont know anything yet about Spanish Law or EU regulations. I live in asia. I assume if he can sell his house he can fund a care home. I think it is 2k a month for care for my mother so I assume 4k for the both of them. That is only a few years worth of care home funds. He wont say what money he has.
Do you just have to wait for an emergency? What do the Spanish 'social services' do in these situations? If i did find a way to persuade him to sell his house and move to a home what happens to them when the house money runs out? How do you know people are cared for properly in these homes? They are not cared for well in the UK but at least I can complain to someone and talk to the people in charge.
Expats in Spain should consider what may happen as they get older or ill and provide some 'guide' to the remaining family what to do. If families are close they may hopefully have talked to each other and have good relationships with each other.
If they are not close families they need to consider that 'next of kin' still needs to know what is possible in foreign countries and to be clear about their wishes before they might not be able to communicate.
It is a tricky one, even selling the property might not work out as it could take a hell of a long while to sell, and you need to have in sold quickly.
As for care in the home, there may be some help available, as in a social service helper looking in a couple of times a day, but even this would fall short of what is needed.
The point you make about being prepared in a relevant one, while the sun shines and you are healthy all is well, but things can change quickly.
I hhope things get sorted for all your sakes.
Jun 20th 2012, 7:18 pm
#4
Banned
Joined: Apr 2008
Posts: 3,081
Re: How can I help my aged parents in Spain?
I have just had rather in intesting conversation with a friend of a friend, who infoms me that help is available to people who cannot do for themselves.
It is called " la ley de dependencia" and is available no matter what the financial situation of the "user" is.
Apparently there are 3 levels, and an assessment in made at home, then the level of help awarded is based on how able or unable the person is.
What exactly the help consists of, I have not found out, but I can do a bit of digging.....
Also Rojales gives free help to all the pension age population that need it, same help is also available for people in other regions, but if the income exceeds 760 euros a month then it must be paid for.
This is all the info I have but, will try to get more information, and if I do, I will post it here because I think it might be of use to some of the posters.
This may help
http://www.laleydeladependencia.com/...d=53&Itemid=70
It is called " la ley de dependencia" and is available no matter what the financial situation of the "user" is.
Apparently there are 3 levels, and an assessment in made at home, then the level of help awarded is based on how able or unable the person is.
What exactly the help consists of, I have not found out, but I can do a bit of digging.....
Also Rojales gives free help to all the pension age population that need it, same help is also available for people in other regions, but if the income exceeds 760 euros a month then it must be paid for.
This is all the info I have but, will try to get more information, and if I do, I will post it here because I think it might be of use to some of the posters.
This may help
http://www.laleydeladependencia.com/...d=53&Itemid=70
Last edited by me me; Jun 20th 2012 at 7:29 pm. Reason: adding info
Jun 20th 2012, 7:31 pm
#5
¿Dónde estoy?
Joined: Jun 2004
Location: my paradise - Jávea
Posts: 13,330
Re: How can I help my aged parents in Spain?
I have just had rather in intesting conversation with a friend of a friend, who infoms me that help is available to people who cannot do for themselves.
It is called " la ley de dependencia" and is available no matter what the financial situation of the "user" is.
Apparently there are 3 levels, and an assessment in made at home, then the level of help awarded is based on how able or unable the person is.
What exactly the help consists of, I have not found out, but I can do a bit of digging.....
Also Rojales gives free help to all the pension age population that need it, same help is also available for people in other regions, but if the income exceeds 760 euros a month then it must be paid for.
This is all the info I have but, will try to get more information, and if I do, I will post it here because I think it might be of use to some of the posters.
It is called " la ley de dependencia" and is available no matter what the financial situation of the "user" is.
Apparently there are 3 levels, and an assessment in made at home, then the level of help awarded is based on how able or unable the person is.
What exactly the help consists of, I have not found out, but I can do a bit of digging.....
Also Rojales gives free help to all the pension age population that need it, same help is also available for people in other regions, but if the income exceeds 760 euros a month then it must be paid for.
This is all the info I have but, will try to get more information, and if I do, I will post it here because I think it might be of use to some of the posters.
In the meantime, Paulette, contact HELP of Denia http://www.helpofdenia.com/ - it's a local charity, run by Brits so no language problems - I'm sure they will be able to help
Jun 20th 2012, 11:07 pm
#6
BE Enthusiast
Joined: Feb 2010
Posts: 843
Re: How can I help my aged parents in Spain?
hello
i was looking for advice as new to this forum. I am assuming some of you live in Spain and have retired.
My parents retired to Moraira area over 25 years ago. I have not had much contact with them except few phone calls with my mother. I left home at 16 and have rarely seen them. Now my mother has Alzheimer's and my father has put her in a home as he can no longer cope. He is also quite forgetful and finds it difficult to look after himself.
They no longer have a base in UK and they have not considered returning. They do not have a network of friends or other family. I advised my father a few years ago to sell the property and downsize to a smaller place with a full-time nurse or move to a care assisted place but they have not.
What happens to the remaining person who might not be capable of looking after themselves? I am planning on visiting but who do I see and what can i do?
I dont speak spanish and my father does not really communicate with me and rarely listens to any advice. I dont know anything yet about Spanish Law or EU regulations. I live in asia. I assume if he can sell his house he can fund a care home. I think it is 2k a month for care for my mother so I assume 4k for the both of them. That is only a few years worth of care home funds. He wont say what money he has.
Do you just have to wait for an emergency? What do the Spanish 'social services' do in these situations? If i did find a way to persuade him to sell his house and move to a home what happens to them when the house money runs out? How do you know people are cared for properly in these homes? They are not cared for well in the UK but at least I can complain to someone and talk to the people in charge.
Expats in Spain should consider what may happen as they get older or ill and provide some 'guide' to the remaining family what to do. If families are close they may hopefully have talked to each other and have good relationships with each other.
If they are not close families they need to consider that 'next of kin' still needs to know what is possible in foreign countries and to be clear about their wishes before they might not be able to communicate.
i was looking for advice as new to this forum. I am assuming some of you live in Spain and have retired.
My parents retired to Moraira area over 25 years ago. I have not had much contact with them except few phone calls with my mother. I left home at 16 and have rarely seen them. Now my mother has Alzheimer's and my father has put her in a home as he can no longer cope. He is also quite forgetful and finds it difficult to look after himself.
They no longer have a base in UK and they have not considered returning. They do not have a network of friends or other family. I advised my father a few years ago to sell the property and downsize to a smaller place with a full-time nurse or move to a care assisted place but they have not.
What happens to the remaining person who might not be capable of looking after themselves? I am planning on visiting but who do I see and what can i do?
I dont speak spanish and my father does not really communicate with me and rarely listens to any advice. I dont know anything yet about Spanish Law or EU regulations. I live in asia. I assume if he can sell his house he can fund a care home. I think it is 2k a month for care for my mother so I assume 4k for the both of them. That is only a few years worth of care home funds. He wont say what money he has.
Do you just have to wait for an emergency? What do the Spanish 'social services' do in these situations? If i did find a way to persuade him to sell his house and move to a home what happens to them when the house money runs out? How do you know people are cared for properly in these homes? They are not cared for well in the UK but at least I can complain to someone and talk to the people in charge.
Expats in Spain should consider what may happen as they get older or ill and provide some 'guide' to the remaining family what to do. If families are close they may hopefully have talked to each other and have good relationships with each other.
If they are not close families they need to consider that 'next of kin' still needs to know what is possible in foreign countries and to be clear about their wishes before they might not be able to communicate.
Jun 20th 2012, 11:53 pm
#7
BE Forum Addict
Joined: Mar 2011
Posts: 1,518
Re: How can I help my aged parents in Spain?
Hi Paulette, If you havent been in touch much since you were 16 why are you interested now? Sorry but families should be more important than the ocassional phone call. Surely they looked after you for the first 16 years of your life so think about your responsibilities in this situation.
Jun 21st 2012, 5:15 am
#8
Lost in BE Cyberspace
Joined: May 2009
Location: Alicante province
Posts: 5,753
Re: How can I help my aged parents in Spain?
As Lynn mentioned, the HELP organisation should be the first port of call for expats in trouble. We also have Alzheimer associations in most places and the Spanish Social Services are quite efficient too.
I suspect the father will already have received assistance because there is a procedure for placing needy people in appropriate care homes.
But, normally, you can't force people to accept help.
I suspect the father will already have received assistance because there is a procedure for placing needy people in appropriate care homes.
But, normally, you can't force people to accept help.
Jun 21st 2012, 5:31 am
#9
Banned
Joined: Apr 2008
Posts: 3,081
Re: How can I help my aged parents in Spain?
Hi Paulette, If you havent been in touch much since you were 16 why are you interested now? Sorry but families should be more important than the ocassional phone call. Surely they looked after you for the first 16 years of your life so think about your responsibilities in this situation.
NOT
Jun 21st 2012, 6:10 am
#10
Banned
Joined: Apr 2008
Posts: 3,081
Re: How can I help my aged parents in Spain?
As Lynn mentioned, the HELP organisation should be the first port of call for expats in trouble. We also have Alzheimer associations in most places and the Spanish Social Services are quite efficient too.
I suspect the father will already have received assistance because there is a procedure for placing needy people in appropriate care homes.
But, normally, you can't force people to accept help.
I suspect the father will already have received assistance because there is a procedure for placing needy people in appropriate care homes.
But, normally, you can't force people to accept help.
We did not have much luck in the SS route due to income, and so the caring was shared between myself and a few others, taking turns.
The person I took care of, died a few years ago, but I will always remember the help received from her friends and neighbours.
I remember tha place you are talking about, and have seen it, as we visit friends quite often.
I suppose that centres like this exist in other expat areas, and the HELP is more widespread, I think.
It is difficult enough being local, but trying to arrange care on the scale that Paulette needs from a distance could be a nightmare.
Jun 21st 2012, 7:00 am
#11
BE Enthusiast
Joined: Jan 2007
Location: Seville
Posts: 572
Re: How can I help my aged parents in Spain?
Hi Paulette, If you havent been in touch much since you were 16 why are you interested now? Sorry but families should be more important than the ocassional phone call. Surely they looked after you for the first 16 years of your life so think about your responsibilities in this situation.
Jun 21st 2012, 7:12 am
#12
¿Dónde estoy?
Joined: Jun 2004
Location: my paradise - Jávea
Posts: 13,330
Re: How can I help my aged parents in Spain?
I was completely estranged from my parents for years until my mother died - we always knew where the other was & I did periodically make attempts to be in closer contact
I was very happy to have my dad come to live with us here a short time later & am very grateful for the few months we had together before he died last summer
Jun 21st 2012, 10:14 am
#13
Just Joined
Thread Starter
Joined: Jun 2012
Posts: 8
Re: How can I help my aged parents in Spain?
Thank you for all the help there are useful leads i can follow up.
My mother use to look after a widow lady a few doors down the road. I think some expats can end up very lonely by chance. The dynamics of some areas mean that houses change hands often and homes become rented out to temporary holiday makers.
Moving to Spain suited my father a lot and I think he has had a good life but he has delayed looking into the option left for him at this stage. I think the lack of opportunity to see her grandchildren very often (she was not allowed to leave my father on his own and visit us) and the lack of having any friends (they did not seem to be able to keep friends even after 25 years in one place) ment she was not as happy as she should have been and now has Alzheimer's.
I will try and get there and help but I think my hands are tied and may have to wait for the backlash/problems if my father is not willing to be proactive.
I am technically 'next of Kin' but being outside the country and not speaking the language will be difficult to arrange and check on things.
Thanks again for any help as was groping in the dark and now I have some leads to work on.
My mother use to look after a widow lady a few doors down the road. I think some expats can end up very lonely by chance. The dynamics of some areas mean that houses change hands often and homes become rented out to temporary holiday makers.
Moving to Spain suited my father a lot and I think he has had a good life but he has delayed looking into the option left for him at this stage. I think the lack of opportunity to see her grandchildren very often (she was not allowed to leave my father on his own and visit us) and the lack of having any friends (they did not seem to be able to keep friends even after 25 years in one place) ment she was not as happy as she should have been and now has Alzheimer's.
I will try and get there and help but I think my hands are tied and may have to wait for the backlash/problems if my father is not willing to be proactive.
I am technically 'next of Kin' but being outside the country and not speaking the language will be difficult to arrange and check on things.
Thanks again for any help as was groping in the dark and now I have some leads to work on.
Jun 21st 2012, 10:30 am
#14
Banned
Joined: Apr 2008
Posts: 3,081
Re: How can I help my aged parents in Spain?
Clutching at straws here, but could there be a mature person, who for board lodgings and a bit of pocket money, would be willing to be there for caring duties?
I say mature person, as in an early retiree with a small pension, who otherwise could not manage on the money they have.
I am really just thhinking aloud, having had a sort of similar situation myself, but I moved in with a relative to do most of the caring.
Of course finding the right person would be paramount and difficult.
I say mature person, as in an early retiree with a small pension, who otherwise could not manage on the money they have.
I am really just thhinking aloud, having had a sort of similar situation myself, but I moved in with a relative to do most of the caring.
Of course finding the right person would be paramount and difficult.
Jun 22nd 2012, 12:45 am
#15
Just Joined
Thread Starter
Joined: Jun 2012
Posts: 8
Re: How can I help my aged parents in Spain?
I had thought about a person coming in.
I think for that to work you would have to really know who they were or have interviewed them and be able to check out their background and then check what they are doing.
Old people would be vulnerable in their home. The carer might not be doing anything or taking advantage of the old people. Perhaps the carer or housekeeper would need to be part of an established Agency you could trust or contact as well as have good english and first aid skills.
If this does not already exist maybe this is a potential small business opportunity for someone!
In this particular situations it is difficult as my father has OCD tendencies and a controlling personality. Even the loveliest person can become awkward in old age and I dont think the awkward ones improve with old age!
Does anyone know or had experience of the care homes in the valencia area?
Do expats plan generally to stay out in Spain or do they have arrangements to make their way back to the UK to a care home?
I think for that to work you would have to really know who they were or have interviewed them and be able to check out their background and then check what they are doing.
Old people would be vulnerable in their home. The carer might not be doing anything or taking advantage of the old people. Perhaps the carer or housekeeper would need to be part of an established Agency you could trust or contact as well as have good english and first aid skills.
If this does not already exist maybe this is a potential small business opportunity for someone!
In this particular situations it is difficult as my father has OCD tendencies and a controlling personality. Even the loveliest person can become awkward in old age and I dont think the awkward ones improve with old age!
Does anyone know or had experience of the care homes in the valencia area?
Do expats plan generally to stay out in Spain or do they have arrangements to make their way back to the UK to a care home?