homesick
 

hi me and hubby moved to Spain in September. I know its prob normal but I am starting to feel really homesick already. I knew I would miss the grandkids etc but I didn't expect to feel this bad so soon. Can anyone tell me if this is a normal and if it passes with time? we have been planning this move for years and now we are here seems like a let down. many thanks

Re: homesick
 

Cannot really help much, karenorma, except to say that I have 2 children (boy & girl) both in early 20s. My son has a daughter (born before I left the UK) and another due early next month. We have been back to the UK once, only for 2 weeks earlier this year, but did see almost all of my family. However, I speak with them all regularly using Skype, which provides video as well as voice, and (maybe I'm sellfish), but have decide it is now my time. My ex-wife (my children's mother) and I gave up so much of our time for our children, and I work on the principle that they should now be prepared to do the same for their families. Of course you can miss them, but you can talk to, and see them, every day if you want to, and surely, as you are in Spain, you are only a couple of hours or so away (unlike me, half a World away in Malaysia, but still only around 24 hours away).

I believe you have to think positively, particularly if you have been planning the move for such a long time - surely you considered all of the pros and cons (particularly grandchildren) before accepting the move was the right thing for you to do?

Good luck, anyway. I hope you find the strength to continue making the correct decisions.

Re: homesick
 

look for some cheap flights back and for and enjoy the best of both worlds ?

Re: homesick
 

"Of course you can miss them, but you can talk to, and see them, every day if you want to" _ I'm afraid Skype is no substitute for a hug.

Re: homesick
 

Afraid I come across the same scenario quite a lot, but not usually so quickly.
Can't really advise you because you know your own feelings best, though it helps if you feel you have fitted in socially and are feeling at home in your new location.
However if your feelings and instincts are still quite as strong as you suggest, then maybe it's just not for you.

Re: homesick
 

Invariably grandkids grow up and do their own thing and you will probably be left out! It will be to late then for you to resettle into your original dream. Like other posters have said, cheap flights, Skype, telephone, emails or even send a short dvd for them to enjoy.

Re: homesick
 

My best friend move out to Spain in 2004, at the time she had three daughters and no grandchildren. One by one they married and had children, she went back to help with the early stages etc.

By 2010 she could take it no more, she now had six grandchildren whom she hardly knew. The visits from the daughters became less frequent.

Home is where the heart is. If your heart is back in the UK amongst your kids and grandchildren then you know the answer.

You had a dream, good for you, you followed it.

Some thins in life don't turn out as you'd wish. There is no shame in going home.

Re: homesick
 

maybe not - but the OH is there for that bit
:)
`

Re: homesick
 

may I ask - how long have you been planning the Spain Project ??
this is one of the things that all need to consider, but I can tell you that based on years of experience of having to leave home with the RN that it does happen and it can happen many many times.
and I would say that this is the right time for it to be biting :(

yes, it will pass, it will take time, you need to gather new interests to take your mind off it. you will find that it will fade but never go away - that is your love and affection for the family. they will have their lives to live and be getting on with them. Yes, "pity Granny isn't here to see this" will be said many times. But life is much easier nowadays with technology, but how often did you really see the family (or did you live next door ?).

how does the OH feel about it ? Does he feel the same way, are you being honest with each other ?
You need to make sure that this move is right for both of you, yes, an expensive mistake if you both go home, but remember that you can't let it drag you down and apart from each other. It is the family you are waking and sleeping with that is the most important.
Usually baby birds fly the nest, this time its the parents.

Try taking foto's of what you are experiencing, send them from your mobile in your own little private family circle (don't share facebook), keep in regular touch and don't be surprised to find that the constant communication will get less and less

Hope This Helps
KR

Re: homesick
 

I would give it more time, leave it until after Christmas, see how you feel then, but if the feeling doesn't go away by the summer, then go back. It's your life, and dreams quite often are not as we expect.

We were in Spain for eight years, and the longer we were there, the more I missed my life in my English city (although I did not miss it too much for the first five years) and we sold the house and came back at the end of 2011. We enjoyed our time in Spain, but a time came when we knew it was over. Never once regretted it (although I do not like these dark days and endless nights we have at this time of the year!).

Re: homesick
 

hi thanks for all your replies. I think the problem is we are not working here my hubby took early retirement so we have lots of time on our hands much more than when we were in the Uk.

I agree we need to find things to do maybe find some clubs to join.

The grandkids don't miss me half as much as I miss them lol.

From the other ex pats who live here I think I will feel up and down about things for a good few months.

Everyone I have spoke to so far loves it here and never wants to go back to Uk so fingers crossed I will feel the same :D

I don't think Christmas is helping

many thanks x

Re: homesick
 

Most expats miss their family at times, and Christmas is always an especially awkward time.

However, we've all bought duff cars, TVs, washing machines and other duff things at times, and how long do you hang on to them for? I would say that you haven't given Spain long enough, but how long is long enough before you know you've made the wrong decision?

Perhaps that's a personal decision to be made sometime after Christmas, the festive season is too near now.

Re: homesick
 

I hit a barrier like this around the six months and it also coincided with Christmas as we had never spent Christmas on our own before but during the holiday period we realised that it was the lead up that had caused me the problem.

Since then I think that my roots here have got stronger with each passing year.

I hope that you find a way of managing this hiccup and whether that is staying or returning I wish you luck.

Rosemary

Re: homesick
 

I do think Christmas has a lot to do with it. its my first Christmas away from my grandkids. my younger son is coming to stay with us our first visitor since we have moved here so that will soften the blow a bit.

im sure in the new year when everyone is freezing and im looking at my beautiful view of the sea I will feel better lol:)

thanks everyone this is a great forum nice to know others have been through similar things xx

Re: homesick
 

Why dont you go back for Christmas? I'm sure someone in your family could put you up

Re: homesick
 

we did think about going back for xmas but we have only been here 2 mths so decided we will go in Jan instead.

I don't know if doing the big goodbye again is going to help or hinder me to be honest.

we have told the kids they will have a second xmas then lol

Re: homesick
 

I know it's stating the b******g obvious, but everyone is different. I like to take a short trip back to see my family (and shop!:rofl:) twice a year - a long weekend is enough - but my OH is a weddings and funerals only person (and the second may be off the list in future as the crematorium where most of his family live has just introduced a weblink for funerals!). And he has two adult children back in the UK, whereas I don't have any.

You have made one big change in your life with giving up work, and again people react to that in different ways. I know a lot of people find that a difficult adjustment and struggle to fill their time and miss the company of colleagues, a couple of people I know who had taken early retirement and moved to Spain went back to the UK after a year or two for that very reason.

Moving away from your family and friends at the same time is another big step, and doing both at the same time doubles the differences you have to cope with.

I'd say give it a bit more time, enjoy your son's visit, maybe plan a couple of trips back to see the family next year if funds allow, perhaps one or more of your children will bring the grandkids out to see you during the school holidays. Wintertime maybe isn't the best time for them to come as keeping children entertained in the colder weather when the pool and the beach aren't a option can be a problem.

If you could find some volunteer work you would like to do, that might help give some structure to your life and some "job satisfaction". Animal refuges and charity shops are always looking for more people to help, for example.

However, if by this time next year you aren't feeling any better about things, then there's nothing wrong at all in saying no, it's not for me, and moving back.

Good luck either way!

Re: homesick
 

I once solved the Christmas day problem by walking all the way from Estepona to Casares and it wasn't all that built up then. Boxing Day saw me walking to San Pedro in the other direction but Rhonda was a step too far.

For me, hanging about indoors was fatal.

Re: homesick
 

I forgot that aspect, this was a very difficult time for me as it was Graham that had really taken early retirement and I had not really wanted to give up my work because I loved it even though it was so stressful. Our time was filled because we were renovating our house but my mind was not being utilised in the way that it had been. The lack of stress was a heath benefit but I missed constantly dealing with other peoples problems and the people themselves even though some of them were difficult.

It takes different lengths of time to adjust to different situations depending on your personality and motivation.

Rosemary

Re: homesick
 

NO ! NO ! NO !

That will only make matters worse !!

This is like moving a small tree from a small to large pot. You need to give the roots time to adjust and feel the way round their new environment. Many don't start flowering immediately they are repotted.
People are the same.

Re: homesick
 

I totally agree about Christmas I think I need more time away before I go back or else I will be back to square one.

ive started looking around for clubs to join and maybe do some volunteer work.

Domino I love that quote what a brilliant way to look it it makes so much sense.

thanks so much for that :)

Re: homesick
 

I hope you settle and start to enjoy what you have now.
To put in my two penneth, you have had two major changes in quick succesion.
1st your husbands retirement and second, EVERYTHING else!
I remember when my Dad retired. After a couple of weeks I think my Mum wanted to kill him! Eventually he went back to work! Partly because he didn´t know how to fill his time and secondly, to save his marriage!!!
He eventually retired a second time but made sure he was much better prepared. He´s found his interests and my Mom hers. He now plays golf and at 65 years old, my Mom went bungy jumping!!!! I kid you not!!!
Anyway, after a few years of retirement and having got used to it, they´re now taking the next step and moving to Spain.
You however have taken on everything at the same time!
I wish you all the luck in the world. Do give it time and know your reasons for making the move were good reasons.

Re: homesick
 

We are all different, my story was more like a midnight flit, in the end my van was well overweight so I had to chuck some stuff off to the removal people and then because of that we was late for our boat, seeing as none of our family helped in anyway with moving, I thought sod em, I did not even say goodbye.

As the boat sailed away from Portsmouth I sat out side with a pint of Stella I think and I thought 'uh oh', this is happening now, its real and that worried me a bit.

Arrived and realised I was not working and spending too much money eating out and stuff, was still in a holiday mode as the weather was nice, but wished id come earlier.

I have to go back to the UK soon, to sort out some bits I left and my phone :(

But I really don't want to go, I had a flight booked last Saturday and I missed it because I just did not want to go !

I don't know if those feelings will last, as I planned to go back every 6 weeks but I think its takes so much out of you maybe as the flights are winter timetable, and I will have to stay in hotels or on your mates couch. I also worry ill be trapped cos of the bad weather, lol

I just feel I am at home here, maybe as I am busy in the day and the days go so quick.

Once I found Iceland sold Hula Hoops and Monster Munch :) and then got my radio player set up - so it just feels like home.

Hopefully for you once you have Xmas out the way your family and friends might want to come to see you as that is how it normally is ?

Re: homesick
 

Good for you.

My first year here was pretty horrible because just a month after I arrived I got a phone call to say my Dad had had a stroke and was in hospital. That was on 28 December and I was on a plane back the next day, so spent New Year on my own in the UK:(. For the next six months I spent weeks at a time back in the UK being at the hospital every day and staying in my Dad's house, then coming back to Spain for a few weeks to see my OH who was holding the fort at this end. Whichever place I was in, I felt miserable as I felt I should have been in the other one. Then Dad died so of course that was awful and there was the funeral and dealing with his estate to sort out.

A couple of months later I started Spanish lessons and put a lot of work into that which was good for me as it kept me busy and gave me something to concentrate on.

No matter how long we spend planning things, life has a habit of throwing everything into disarray, but we get through it, and I'm sure you will too.

Re: homesick
 

Sorry to hear that

Re: homesick
 

Karen,
don't be so sure the grandkids don't miss you - they do in their own way, but they have their parents and school etc to bolster them

good that your son is coming to visit - this is exactly the same as if you had moved to Cornwall, he wants to see you are settling in OK. And this is an opportunity for you to show him all that you have found that is new and interesting, perhaps a bit early to have a favourite restaurant, but a good opportunity to take him with you to start looking for one, one that will give you good memories for the future.

I remember lying in my bunk thinking of what I had left behind, the people with their sparkle, the tree lined streets with the blossom on ..............
when I got back the streets were narrower and dirtier than i remembered, the people seemed to be greyer, always busy with their own little lives.

I am lucky that I met someone that means everything, a new right arm, even when for 2 years she was working in Granada and I was still back in the UK, we spoke every night (something we have never missed in over 20 years of having to be apart on the odd occasion). Neither of us miss the families we left behind, our way is our way and it is forward. If they want to come and see us they can, BH goes home once a year to see son and grandchildren, otherwise we use skype and VOIP.
This is our home, this is where we live - it could be Cornwell, Kent, Leicestershire or even North Wales - but it just happens to be Spain.

So long as you can start to find things to do you will be surprised how quickly you will take an interest in your local environment, be interested in the new building going up over the road, the festivals and saint's days that proliferate the Spanish calendar. Get out there and join them, even if you can't speak the language (our first Christmas although neither RC we spent 2 hours in a freezing cold church with our new neighbours).

Just remember that you and the OH mustn't sit there in isolation, you need to discuss your fears and worries, look to each other for support, you have done it before during both the good times, and the bad, back home. Nothing has changed, you are the same 2 people just in a different place.

I look forward to our many more conversations here on BE
KR