Family loss
 

Hi to all it is usually my husband that writes on this but I have just lost my Granny this weekend and thought I would start a thread to see if anyone had had a similar situation. We are going to Spain on Saturday for Christmas as we had also done last year it is also my mums birthday and she has just lost her mum (my gran) on Sunday. We are coming home and then moving over to Spain for good next Feb it has been what we want for a long time but now having had all the family come together for each other (we are a close family any way) this has brought home to me what we are actually leaving behind. Has anyone else had anything like this and if so did it change anything for them. I know we cant do any thing different I have handed in my notice in a job I love in a school with children with learning and behavioural difficulties, house has sold and hubby has wound up business. Also just found out brother having baby and new grandson on the way in April.

Lesley

Re: Family loss
 

Sorry to hear of your loss, comes particularly hard at Christmas as I do know from experience having my father die on Christmas day a few years ago.
Not had anything like that while living over here as we are both retired with no living parents. Howeveer, we look on it as we are only some two and a half hours from the UK by plane, and could, almost certainly get a plane back to the UK any day by one or other of the carriers, living in the UK we were at the least 2 hours awqay by road, and so it wouldn't really make a lot of difference timewise, also driving when you are upset etc is probably not the best tihing as I know when I had to drive to try to get to the bedside of my mother before she died, only 30 mins away but was too late, but thinking back I took a load of risks driving that morning.

Re: Family loss
 

Hi,
Sorry about your loss.
We move over in Jan and have thought about what would happen if there was a death in the family and we are over in Spain.
To be honest we would just have to hop on the next available plane. we will be leaving money in account for such emergency's.
Also hubby's sister has just found out she is having a baby in June, we are so excited for her as she has been trying for a while.
Which nearly ended up with us staying as she has done so much for us with our children, however we decided we can not live are life's through others and have decided to go anyway.
Our family's are scattered all round the uk and in some cases more than 3 hours away. so flying back from Spain there will not be much difference.
We leave 5 weeks on Saturday and we are starting to feel scared hubby is working his bum off and i am starting to feel a single parent, hubby assures me it has to be done as he is also winding his business down.
I have been clearing the house out only to find i am buying a lot more back in to take over :eek:
Also i dont know about other's but our family's have been keeping there distance from us normally we are invited all over the place at Xmas now only hubby's mum on Xmas night. My friend insist's they are trying to avoid the fact we are going. Thing is more they ignore the fact we are going the more determined we are to make it work.
I know a lot of people are not happy we are going as they are worried for us i.e how we are going to cope etc. But as my dad says we should rather regret something than regret never doing it.
We have decided to give it 2 years and then if we really dont fit in or really unhappy we can say we had a working holiday.
I just wish you well in all you do :)

Re: Family loss
 

many thanks for your kind reply, how sad for you as I am sure every Christmas will be tinged with sadness I have the funeral to face friday and then have been told to "get on that plane for saturaday and try and have a good time" as I also wish for you and family thanks again.

Re: Family loss
 

Thanks for your reply it gave me a lot to think about and some ideas. You are quite right in your comment about living life for other people and I know that we can always visit but at the moment I am only 2 doors down from my brother and pregnant girlfriend, two minitues walk from my mum who had had my granny live with her for seven months due to health and five mins in car to both other sisters so although only spain is two hours away am starting to get worried about how different it will be. have funeral Friday and then get on plane sat under all familys orders to have good christmas as I wish to you and your family thanks again love les

Re: Family loss
 

Hello Lesley

Deepest sympathy for your sad loss. As others have said before me "In theory life goes on" in practice it can be a different matter.

This will be my third Christmas here in Chiclana (the second since moving here permanently), the first Christmas my mother died whilst we were here, we had the call on Christmas Day to say the doctors were stopping all medication and were just going to keep her comfy. We of course looked to flying straight home but Christmas Day so no flights. We were booked to fly home on the 28th and as we had already said our goodbyes the Tuesday before(long story) and having spoken with sisters who said she was in a coma it was decided we would fly home on the 28th as planned, she died just before we left for the airport. I have had great guilt not just about being here but also about did I do enough for her when she was alive.

Now moral of this story is, yes it was all very sad and yes I spent the whole of last Christmas holiday sobbing into the Christmas dinner as we also left behind 5 children, 5 grandkids, brothers and sisters and good friends who we were all very close to. But since living here we have seen more of everyone than we ever did in Blighty in fact in the 16months we have been here we have only had 3 months with no visitors. We have had emergency back in England and we have gone back at a drop of a hat only to find out that everyone is actually coping very well with out us thank you very much. A lot of obstacle are put up by our own minds not by others and I am sure everyone one of us have had second thoughts.

It is coming up to two years without my mum, who I saw every day when she was a live, I cared for her for three years when she could not look after herself and I know that what she wanted for me was to be happy and here in Chiclana I have that happiness. Having said that I have had a few weepy days this week but that will pass after Christmas when they all start ringing to book their holidays, and there is nothing like seeing the faces of the grandkids as they come through those doors at the airport dragging their case behind them....bliss

Sorry to have gone on but I think I have had more benefit from writing this than you reading it. So thank you all for being patient.

Regards Cristina

Re: Family loss
 

Hi,
I would like to say i am glad you are at peace and happy.
Have a lovely christmas and a very happy new year.
Regards xx

Re: Family loss
 

Was at peace and happy, just had youngest daughter on the phone crying and telling me how c**p her life is so there has been a lot of crying in the eggnog this evening, it is at times like this that as a mother you do really feel useless regarding of which country you are living in.

No rest for the wicked.... and thank you for your kind words much appreciated. Safe journey for you and your family when you come out.

Re: Family loss
 

Hi,
I am sorry you had your daughter on the phone upset.
I am unable to get upset in front of my mum now, as since we have said we are leaving on Jan 27th she has been making me feel guilty. in one breath she wish she had done it, in the next it is are you sure.

The only person i really can trust and depend on is my husband (god my mother would soon say dont depend on a husband they will let you down)
I get very upset and think Christ what am i doing, i am taking my children away from friends and school, however i know how adjustable kids really are.
I just want out of this place and to start my new life i have been waiting so long. I just hope it is not a let down like so many people have told me (who has never lived in Spain) :)

Re: Family loss
 

Well we dont regret it and we left all our children behind, and two grandchildren.
We still get snide remarks , from some, but we dont let it get to us, most people if they could would have a go at living a different life,

For example on the phone to my mum yesterday ... i call her everyday... any way, my daughter is moving house away from where she lives, my sister lives over the road and I got
"Well your sister will never leave me "
I would love to reply but i dont
"Well mum you didnt live near your mum did you and she couldn't drive could she, you moved away from your family"
Ok it was only 25 miles but 25 miles in the 50s was a long way how many people had a car ?
Distance is a word, you can live next door to each other but have no contact , i lived down the road from my sister in the Uk I didnt see her unless i went down her house, it was a 4 min walk but because of work and life we didnt see each other.
Sometimes I feel guilty and wonder what we are doing and then I stop and look and then I know
Just take it with two hands and enjoy.

Re: Family loss
 

Hi,
That is how we are looking at life, if they want to igonre us because we are going they will be the one's to regret it.
I love my family but will not live my life to everything they want me to. i have my hubby and children and hopefully one day my grandchildren they want us to fall flat so they can say"i told you so" god and normally parents are always right :scared:

Re: Family loss
 

Looking at your photo I think I am save in saying I am old enough to be your mother and there is one think I have always said to not only my children but to their friends as well, you only get one shot at this life and it is a quick one at that, so you have to live YOURS like a you see it.

Yes you may make mistakes but then every mistake you make is a learning process and that is what life is from beginning to end, even if these people giving you negative opinions have lived here you have to remember that was them and this is you if it does not workout for you after two years it's not necessarily a bad thing. What it means is you gave it a shot your best shot and you will know in your own mind that you did it, you didn't just talk about and then spend the rest of your life thinking what if.

There is no getting away from it, it is painful to leave one's family and start a life somewhere else, every few weeks I pick family up from Jerez and cry when I see them and then when I take them back I cry all over again, but you know it does us all good because we realise just how much we are all loved.

Logging of now because OH wants me to watch a film with him and I think I can smell more eggnog.........nite

Re: Family loss
 

Hi,
It is nice to have honest words?
My dad lives in bangkok i knoe in my heart i will never see him again that upsets me, even though we talk on the phone msn all the time. Hoewever he is not ready to come home and i wont fly out that far (and cant afford it family of 5)
My sister has just moved over from germany had not seen her for 9 years before hand.
I am close to my mum and my nan i love dearly, however istill feel spain is where i want to go.
They do try and make me feel bad but i live for my family (hubby and three girls)
Even thouigh one of my girls aged 13 says she wants to stay behind. I am gutted if she decides to do that but i will not hold up our plans to stay behind we have thought and planned this for 2 years.
She will change her mind she does every 2 weeks :)

Re: Family loss
 

My sympathies go out to you and your family for your loss.
Having lived abroad 10 years ago for 3 years with regular trips back to the UK to see our lovely family, parents and to welcome the first Grandchild into the family I know I could never to it again.

Dont get me wrong we are about to build a place in Spain but will come and go when I feel the need.

Why if you are making such a big decision do you not think about renting your property out in the UK and going to live in Spain and rent somewhere first.
Go to work let the children go to school etc it is very easy to integrate and then you can make the decision after a couple of years what is right for you.

It is so easy to buy in Spain but not so easy if you want to sell up quickly and come back. Just look at how many properties are currently up for sale.

I hope you dont take this a negative critisism we would do this even if we were moving 200 miles away in the UK just to make sure it was right. Dont burn your bridges.

I wish you luck

Lynn

Re: Family loss
 

Some very poignant and moving posts. My feeling would be not leave for Christmas in Spain but to spend it with the family. Not from any sense of duty, but because we need the solace of those who love and care for us at times such as these. When my mother succumbed to ovarian cancer very quickly it was the old and comfortable friends whose company I found most comforting. Grieving is so very important and we no longer give it the importance it deserves. The extended weeping and wailing of tribal cultures is sometimes looked on aghast by the civilised west but it serves a purpose. Preferable to the 15 minute crematorium slot that is often the case in Britain. I know we sometimes joke about relatives meeting at weddings and funerals, but joy and sorrow are best shared. Staying with the family at this time will make leaving in February easier.
Some years ago I used to teach sailing to East London kids, and many of them looked no further than their local environs. In fact the same was true of some of my fellow instructors. Alongside the sailing I tried to encourage them to see the world...go out and have a look I would say, and if you prefer Stepney then so be it come home again, but give it a try...should you return home again it will enhance your life for having once tried something different.
And you going to Spain could enhance the lives of all those who visit and experience a country in a way they never would on a weeks package to the Costa del Sol.