onlineamiga

Sorry for launching two threads off in one day. But aye.
Anyway has anyone ever found that when friends come to visit, you end up thinking "hmmm... why am i friends with these people" Ive had a couple of friends come visit me last week. And I must admit. It wasnt a pleasent week. Ive been accused of changing somewhat. Maybe I can no longer understand why a brit wouldnt like anything in a Tapas bar. Or why someone would not want to make a single effort to try and mix in with my new friends here. Im not sure. But maybe Spain opened my mind somewhat, allowed me to "go with the flow", and to tolerate much more.

So Im just wondering if since moving, anyone has found themselves a little dissassociated with old friends and suddenly not having much in common with them. Do we become more broad minded?

Eve

Hi again Andrew,
I am sure you will find mixed feelings from people on the findings with friends. And although I don't live there I have found that friends make comments about what i do have, even close friends who know that my house was bought through a death in the family, so although it is great, we didn't come by it without some upset, but these people seem to forget that side of it, I just let it go over my head because deep down I think jealousy creeps in. This is just some I am not saying everyone is like that before someone replies and gives me an earbashing. I have also found when "friends" have come away with me, they start to criticise my friends there, that I don't like at all, there is no need for it, if you can't say something good or positive then don't say it. One friend who I had known for years and often came away with showed her true colours when we had a delay at the airport, I said that if the worst came to the worst because it was a delay over 36 hours then we could always go back to the house, and she erupted saying there was no way she was going back up that !!!!ing mountain, well needless to say she hasn't been back since! Also do you get house proud, I like my home to be lived in but these friends seem to treat my house like they would an apartment or hotel, do they clean the sink? NO! do they wash up? NO! etc etc, silly little things like putting suitcases onmy bedspreads, sorry what is wrong with the floor!! I now do not invite others to my house. That makes me sound selfish but one bitten, twice shy!
Right Andrew, sorry to go on, It willbe interesting to see what others say. Just be you, have respect for others, and live your life!
I am sure you have just grown away, and are enjoying your new life.
Take care.
Luv Eve
xx

mikelincs

I started with regular e mails with friends I had worked with, but they just petered out, with me being the last to contact in each case, so it's not a case of them waiting for me to get in touch, they asked for photographs, and sending photos of sunny beach weather in mid December can seem to them that you are boasting. I suspect that there is a modicum of jealousy, and envy that you are doing something they would love to do, but just haven't got the nerve to try, then when you are seen to be making a sucess of it they get even more jealous. Perehaps they were feeling you would fail and have to return to the UK, then they could have said 'I told you so'. Also your lifestyle has now changed completely, and you are settling in to a Spanish way of life, enjoying the things they may be a bit uncomfortable with.

SueG

Now with me it's family - I think my sister thinks we have lost our minds. Never ever rings me, kept trying last year and ended up ringing about three times to try and get hold of her on her birthday - hasn't once asked how we are doing etc etc - was dreading going home at Christmas especially as I would have said that we were close. She managed to fit me in a couple of times but according to my Son it's cause we went away and left her albeit that although we had lived in the same town as we had both been brought up in we had had to move away three years before we moved here due to OH's job. That also didn't go down well - what was I supposed to do - make him travel backwards and forwards? Also been accused of leaving her to look after Mother (who spends six months of the year in Brazil). Have now decided that we all have to do what is right for us and ours and for me that was coming to Spain with my husband of 34 years and having an adventure

Lionda

No, Spain hasn't changed me. As for friends, I have made lots of new friends in Spain. I am me, take me as you find me or leave me be I'm too old for change I think

EsuriJohn

Hi onlineamiga,

Your post reminded me of this poem by tyntub

The joy of visitors...
They came, they saw, they used up all our loo roll...

They came to us from England,
That green and pleasant land.
They came to stay for just one week,
But it wasn't what we'd planned.

We imagined it would be great fun,
Having friends with us to stay,
We wanted to spend some quality time,
They came for a free holiday!

And that's how the trouble started,
No matter how we'd try,
When things at Hotel Twyntub,
Just seemed to go awry.

They'd moan about the semi-skimmed,
They complained about the tea,
They even tutted at the rain,
But it rains in Spain, you see.

The frequent sudden power cuts,
Really made them sad,
And the distance we were from the beach,
Got them really hoping mad.

The lack of local pubs and clubs,
And no English TV,
Their mobile phones just wouldn't work,
We're in the mountains don't you see?

What do you mean you've got no landline?
And the shops here shut at two?
And Tesco don't deliver here?
What shopping can you do?

And the people just won't speak to us...
Except in Spanish, oh my lord!
We shout at them as best we can,
But seem to get ignored!

Yet my wife and I kept quiet,
We just kept out the way,
Cleaning up their sandy mess,
Changing bath towels every day.

We coped with no hot water,
When they'd used it for a bath,
For the 2nd or 3rd time that day,
We just had to laugh

When they ate up all our chocolate,
Yet the wrappers missed the bin,
Or when they opened all the windows,
And let the mossies in!

Hang on, they've offered to take us out!
By way of "thankyou" saying.
So why is it after a great big feast,
It's us that ends up paying!

Alas, they've got to go back home,
Their flight leaves at half past eight,
Another day to cope with them,
But tonight we celebrate!

They say they've had a lovely time,
Enjoying each and every day,
But they much prefer their home comforts,
Back in the UK.

Well go back to bloody England!
You've really been a pain!
Forget the creature comforts,
We prefer life here in Spain!

We may not have the latest car,
Or a council house TV,
We're too busy spending quality time,
As a happy family.

genegenie

You are never too old for change.

crispy

Andrew there are friends and then there are friends!!

Back in the UK I had friends coming out of the wood work, people who I had known for many years, since moving here I have tried to stay in touch with as many as I can, writing letters and e-mail to them but I can count on one hand how many have replied to me. The saying "out of sight out of mind" comes to hand.

Your friends that are coming over to visit you quite possibly think it is a cheap holiday and all they want to do on their holiday is what they have always done. They don't see themselves as part of your life any more and if the truth be known they are slightly green with envy of what you have done and how much you have achieved. From all my friends there are maybe 10 that I would call lives buddies, people that I don't see from one year to the next but when we do speak it is like we only saw each over the day before, for me these are the people to cherish I would rather have these 10 then 20,30, or even 50 so called friends.

Life moves on, people change and those that can't get left behind, you will have so much to look back on when you are older, so many story's to tell

scampicat

I must admit that our friends/relatives who have come here have on the whole been fine, although one complained about not being able to get English cigarettes (but redeemed herself by extolling the virtues of our village) and another one complained about the Moors and Christians Fiesta saying that they should have got over that centuries ago ( but he is 78 and has always been of the loony left).

Our visitors have without exception paid for groceries and washed up (maybe it's because they can't stand the thought of me leaving it until the morning). Some even do housework and cook!

Our last lot of visitors brought us a suitcase full of teabags, Bisto, Mrs Patak's curry pastes and clothes for us both. They come every year, this was their third visit. The man loves to walk in the mountains with my husband while his wife and I go to the local bar for a coffee and racione.

On th whole our visitors are great.

The people we were friendly with in England we are still friendly with.

Rosemary

You answered your own question in the other thread. You have changed since moving from the UK and this has meant dealing with old problems, overcoming different experiences and generally growing up (I mean that in the nicest possible way). So you have outgrown some of your friends who have not had any experiences to assist with their growth, it happens whether you leave the UK for another country, leave home for the first time, go to university, move to another county etc etc. You have achieved a lot in a short space of time and that is bound to change you a lot. From your postings I think that the biggest change has been in your confidence and this is possibly what made the huge difference with your friends.

Hope you keep up the good work and that you enjoy your new job in Gib.

Rosemary

GrapeEater

What a great thread and that poem sums up how we fell when visitors come for their free holiday !!

I think it depends who comes. We have had far too many people over and left us worn out and vowing to curb it this year as we left our selves no time for our own holiday!

On the whole it's been really nice, especially our real friends who know it's been better for us. But some people (family and more casual friends) just don't get it - i.e. why do we live in the mountains and not on the coast or the lack or slowness of services. "Hey we chose this... have respect! It's better than your ruddy villa (which you don't have)".

It's the dependency that gets us... "What we doing today, where can we go, what's for lunch???" - Get a car why don;t ya - we have to work!

But the worst it's those that come over who in UK we probably dare see for no more than a few hours, a meal or an evening... but then come here for a week - especially the in-laws Ahhhhhhhhh!

There's been a few arguments between the wife and I on who should use our precious time.

And having just come back from the UK I realised the one's genuinely interested in our new life and other's have been inspired to look to move themselves. But a few could barely ask how it was going... jealously maybe!

Moan over !!!

Lionda

Yes, you are right but inside I'm still the old me As for losing interest in old friends - NEVER!

rugbymatt

Having moved not only country dozens of times, but also within the UK hundreds of times I can honestly say that for the most part I never take friends with me, very few of my friends understand my wanderlust and because of that we hardly ever see eye to eye.


That said I always manage to take with me a small handful, sometimes only one, of close friends who I never lose contact with, people who not only help me remember better times but also how I came to be the person I am.


Its funny but when I joined Facebook last year I was suddenly aware of how many of my old friends were more than happy to try and become friends again how many desperately craved to travel as much as I have, and how many regretted not doing something else with their life, and I was struck by how much I want a little of what they have, a house or home to call my own...............Ironic really.


anyway, I'm rambling.................Andrew I think that its all to do with you extending your horizons, the more we do it, the more we realise that some of the people we may have once looked on as close friends are little more than acquaintances and your expectations are suddenly very different.


Like someone on here always tells me..................don't sweat the little things.

bchapl

Hi All,
What an interesting thread! Thought I'd add my twopennies worth!
When we told a few (select) people that we were buying a house in Spain with a view to eventually moving over permanently, we had a mixture of reactions; some were pleased for us, but the majority were, it has to be said, rather envious. My 'best' friend, who I have known for 25 years, was, it seemed to me, quite dismissive of our plans. In fact, at times his attitude was downright hostile! Yet, this same friend is getting married in the Spring and has hinted (well, it was more than a hint) several times that we 'should' allow him and his soon-to-be wife to stay in our house for their honeymoon! We have resisted his pleas so far, not least because the house still isn't sorted out properly. Upon being told of our plans, several other people have immediately said, 'Oh, great, we'll have somewhere to go for our holidays, then'. Other acquaintances of my husband, upon hearing of our plans, have simply looked at him with complete incredulity and one said, 'You? You're going to Spain? What, you?, followed with something like, 'Oh, it's all right for a holiday, but why on earth would you want to live there'?
So, I think there is an element of jealousy and that maybe we're doing something that they would love to do but don't have the courage to do. As GrapeEater says, most of the friends who know that this will be a good move for us have responded positively, knowing it will do us both good to get away from the hustle and bustle of the UK (my OH hasn't been all that well recently, sheer overworking, to be honest). It's been a mixed bag of responses. We'll have to wait and see how many of them turn up once we're over in Spain permanently.
All the best,
bchapl

cafeconleche

Morning! As someone who is contemplating the move from owning a holiday home to living in Spain I just wanted to say thanks for all your contributions to this and similar threads! It's been very interesting and helpful to read. Thanks Cafeconleche.