I always think it's a bit strange when people elevate marriage to something magical and special... when they already have kids outside of marriage.

Perhaps because marriage is about making a commitment to another human being that dosent exist when talking solely about children. Marriage is after all supposed to be lifelong.

Is it? ... I wonder!

Ian

Im trying to decide if you're being sarcastic Ian or if its been so long since you took the vows that you can't remember

You're both committing to the kid for (hopefully) the rest of your lives. A person seems to be a much less soluble mutual asset than any trappings of marriage...

To the OP: I think you already knew there are very different schools of thought on marriage, which is all that you are seeing played out here. The US immigration system (like a fair amount of the US population) has a very strong attachment to the institution of marriage, hence many benefits require 'playing by their rules' and formalising arrangements. You will receive very limited immigration accommodations if you choose not to do so, though, that is entirely your choice.

The major issues I would think over are health insurance and ability to get a driver's license. Yes, they seem wholly mercenary reasons to get married, but they can spell the difference between surviving (physically or mentally) in this country.

But not each other, and thats my point. Thats where marriage is still a special thing, despite children.

Yep getting married by someone dressed as Elvis Presley in a drive thru chapel is really something special.

It is what you make it, who are we determine what someone finds special? These places do roaring trade for a reason!

We're just a bunch of old cynics here

Roaring trade sums it up nicely.

You have a point there, I never quite thought of it like that... However, some people who decide to have a child together do it because they love each other and are committed to raising the child together (we felt like this). But of course just because you have a child together doesn't have to mean you feel like that. For us marriage was confirming our feelings for each other, and having our "bastard" love child there made it even more special.

*get the sick bucket, I know!*

Could we please keep this thread on topic? The OP has already posted that she does not wish to discuss her martial status...and I think she realizes that the path to immigration would be easier if she were married. The Trailer Park is the forum in which to discuss such matters. Thank you.

You're right!

It's fun discussing though... Could you maybe create a new thread from say post #35?

Pretty please...

Done...but please remember the Immigration forums are not for off topic discussions.

http://britishexpats.com/forum/showthread.php?t=651351

Thank you Jerseygirl!

This is true. In the UK (and Sweden) it's widely accepted to live together and even have children without being married. But here not only did my then boyfriend's mom and dad get shocked at the news I was pregnant and we had no plans to marry, but the younger generation disapproved too.

Vows? What vows? I didn't take any vows, just signed a few pieces of paper at the registry office. (But then I didn't get married in the USA or Europe, either.)

Regards, JEff