us4now

I know there have been many threads on this topic and I have read a lot of them. Just wanted to recount our situation and get any comments from others who have been thru same experience.

We have been in the midwest since 2004, with a year's break back in UK from 2008 to 2009. A good job op came up for my OH after that year so we returned. last year. It was a seamless move, back to the same area and kids back to the same school into the same classes. We weren't unhappy in the UK at all, but felt we would enjoy a bit more time in the U.S The kids like the US school better though as the curriculum is very varied, lotas of extra curricular activities, and way more challenging than equivalent in the UK. And I had done a lot of research and got the kids into a very good UK school. But to be honest, even though it was feepaying, it was nowhere near as good as US public school.

Eldest daughter, now 8th grade, hopes to study medicine, so I want to take her back to the UK 3 years prior to her proposed entry to college. to avail of the local fees. So she will be moving back when she is 16. Her younger sister will be 15. I hope we can all move together, if OH gets a job at that time. Otherwise he will stay in the US and I will return with the girls, or maybe just one girl.

We have a great network of friends here in the UK, and I will send the kids back to their old school, where they already know kids, plus thru sport etc they have friends outside school here in the UK. So I don't 'think' they will be terribly isolated as teens if we return here. We come back to the UK twice a year and meet up with everyone so I hope we are keeping the links alive. I should also mention that the girls want to do college in the UK, as they could still live at homw at least for the first year and attend college, something they may not be able to do where we live in the midwest.

But....I am somewhat concerned that the move will be difficult for them. And I am getting cold feet and wondering if we should just stay in the US and have them do college there. Though I suppose part of me knows if they do this, they will probably end up staying and finding employment in the US and that will pose a dilemna for myself and OH who definitely want to return to the UK in our 50's.

Any input or comments would be much appreciated,
Thanks for reading,
Catherine

Bevm

If you want to move back eventually, do it now. As you say, later your daughters will almost certainly settle in the US.

Remember, too, that in the UK a person can go to medical school directly. In the US they have to do a regular degree and then medical school. A lot longer and a lot more expense.

Bev

2passports

Just a friendly word of caution on the repeated moves back and forth. We have known several families who have traveled around alot with kids, even within the UK in the military, etc. It depends on the individual child, some take it better than others, but I know some families have done boarding school just so the children have stability, even if the parents remain in a different country. There is no easy answer. We may be facing the same dilemma in a couple of years, but moving kids back and forth between friends is HARD. If I were you, I would sit down with the girls and ask them to think about it and give you their honest opinion about what they really want, separate from trying to please you. It may or may not be what you want to hear, but it may avoid future resentments.

Beedubya

Yes I would say do it now too, that's if your kids really want to of course.

If you stay in the USA your roots will get deeper as your children get married, have their children etc. And if as you say you and your husband want to go back in your 50's you will then be in the unenviable position that lots of us are in.

Go and check out some of the "stories" on the "Over 50's and 60's MBTTUK" thread, it doesn't get any easier believe me.

Bijilo123

Medical education in the UK has two phases - University and Clinical School. Effectively each is a degree and you don't have to do both in the same place.

Sally Redux

But as Bev says you don't have to do a degree first.

Derrygal

The longer you stay in the US and the older your children are - the harder it will be to go back to the UK. Things are simpler when children are small (though by no means easy) but once they are teenagers and close to high school graduation/college age, the more difficult it will become. If you're going to do it, I would say, do it now.

The Undecided Scot

Hi

I am in a similar situation as yourself. My family and I have lived in the US on and off now for 10 years. My dilemma is similar in that both my husband and I would like to return to Scotland, at some point in the future. I want to take my two girls back before they are too old and don't want to leave. One is 11 the other 9. I would have taken them back for 3rd year and 1st year of high school in Scotland. That would be age 14 and 12. I have spoken with the Scottish education department and they have told me that 14, (3rd year ) would be too late for my oldest daughter as the curriculum is changing. It will now be know as the curriculum for excellence. I have been advised to take my oldest back in time for starting high school if possible (1st year ).

My main problem with this is my husband will still be here in the US until he transfers back to Europe and this could be a few years down the road.
I feel the time has come to make the move,we bought a house in Scotland last Summer and the girls are excited to move and be back with friends and family. I want to make the move easy for the girls, my husband agrees. I don't know what to do as I don't want to leave him behind. I know the longer I leave things the worse it will be. I don't want to stay here longer term and I don't my kids to be here longer term either. Like you say,the US is not a place to grow old

My husband would see us every six weeks. Just wish I knew what to do for the best.

Sorry for the ramble.

Woodpigeon

Seeing your husband every six weeks is more often than those in the armed forces etc!

Only you can make the decision (but you know that ) but if it were me, I'd do it now. I left it too late, in terms of our kids schooling, to put my foot down and now I'm stuck here for at least another six years (which will give time for all three to complete high school and uni, but by which time I expect at least one of them to be settled here with their own life). This will bring me to a total of 14 years! We only came out for a one year experience, but I just kept letting myself be sidetracked and persuaded to stay on

If you know that you will be going back within a few years anyway then I wouldn't hesitate to make the move now for the sake of my kids' education.

us4now

I often wish (selfishly) that my girls were a few years younger. They are getting to the age that I know we have a very limited window to move them. I always say I want to give the U.S just another year, as I do like it here. But just not forever. And I also cannot think of what it would be like for my girls to go away to college maybe even out of state at 18. But I know they will go sometimes, would just like to have them until they are a little older.

I personally would find it very hard to only see hubbie every 6 weeks. And I think he would miss out on so much of the family life, that really you cannot get back as the children get older.

Scotland is lovely, and now you have a house there I am sure you can just close your eyes and picture being back. I don't have any answers for you, but just now exactly what its like to be trying to race against the clock so to speak, to get kids back before the window of opportunity closes.

Merry

I would think carefully about taking them back if education is part of the reason. We left Scotland last year as my eldest was going into 1st year high school and we were very worried about how the education system was rapidly going downhill. I still keep in touch though with friends who tell me that so far Curriculum for Excellence is a disaster. Certainly, my children have found their Canadian peers to be way ahead educationally and have had to do lots of catching up. Not sure how the US equates.
I realise there's more to your decision though and only you know what's best for your family.
Good luck!

Bootleg

Isn't it great when the kids are little and you can move around without any worries but we all reach the time when you have to make the decision on what to do for the best. It sounds like you have a good support system back home and as the children have friends there it will make it so much easier. I am moving back to an area we don't know so my two (16 and 13) will know no-one but i'm still optimistic. They have moved alot and are used to making new friends and it has always amazed me how quickly they settle (better than me).
Having to leave husbands behind is sad but it will only be for a set time. I have the opposite at the moment as my husband has already gone and we are staying in Dubai until my daughter does her GCSE's.

Good luck

Milana_Rosemont

My grandparents run a master class in how not to do it. They moved for a year in 1974, to Auckland, NZ. Their eldest was 15, their youngest 4. Sure enough, they stayed more than a year. Everyone was settled. They gave their UK home to a sister to live in who then died, and thus their retirement was split between my gran's nine siblings, all of whom had moneyed existences in Canada and the UK. It was further thwarted when my grandmother received an inheritance but didn't tell grandpa; it's now in my aunt's name but she's spent it all. My grandparents have no money, their family is totally settled (with children and grandchildren in Ireland, NZ, Australia, US, Canada and Singapore as well as the UK) and they live in a small flat and are in such poor health they are prohibited from travelling. Their friends in the UK have mostly died as have their siblings, there is no one to go back to. They've been in NZ 36 years but England has changed too much. They haven't. They're in their eighties and now face dying here.