Syedney

We have now been living in Sydney for almost three months and here are my impressions:

In the beginning, when summer here just started everything looked really like the holiday brochure, sun , sea and sand!! We were rejoicing the heat and the blue sky, which we had hardly seen in UK...Ah! UK, as we left it, was grim, even raining on the day we left for Sydney from Heathrow...

Slowly, we sorted out Medicare, a flat to rent and settled down in Dee Why. We paid the $2,200 for our little girl's schooling and hoped we all slowly settle down to life here...

Yet, far from this, I still miss the blighty...My daughter has become really naughty and cites her reason for changing her behaviour the fact the she wants to go back to UK because she is unhappy here...Even though, recently she's been making lots of friends, who come to our flat regularly....

My OH wants to make a go of Sydney...Yet, my daughter and I want to go back...

Don't get me wrong...This is a beautiful country, with beautiful weather and we've met a lot of people here who are really nice...Yet, I never feel like it's home...or my home

I was told by so many Brits here that it takes six months to get over the home sickness...

I don't know if I can last that long!!

It's really tearing us apart...My daughter is so unhappy to stay here and my OH is so sad to leave...What one to do??

Going back will not be easy either...We still have our flat in Hove, Sussex...But I won't have a job and these days, UK is in recession so...

Between a rock and a hard place...Not nice to be in this

moneypenny20

It's very very hard when you're feeling like this, my sympathies. It is a very short time and whilst some people will say ' give it longer etc etc', others will say 'if your heart and head tells you it's wrong, it's wrong and get back as soon as'. Only you can decide. I do wonder though if your daughter is picking up on your vibes (whether subconscious or not) and that is what is making her unhappy. How old is she? It can take up to two years to really settle and find 'your life'. You are trying to build up what took you 20/30/40 years to build up in the UK - it rarely happens overnight. Even if you were to move to the North of England from Hove it would have been the same, you leave your comfort zone and it's not easy.

Three months is the usual honeymoon over time. The excitement of planning, moving, sorting out stuff is over and normal life starts and suddenly you realise you don't have the migration plans filling your head. Many many people suddenly feel lost at this time. You've also gone through the Christmas/New Year time which is tough, keep going, try and remember why you wanted to move, try and find something positive to see/feel/do every day and see how you go.

Have you got work? Have you made friends? That helps, even if you can get a few hours volunteering at a school if you don't want to get tied down to working full time or part time.

Good luck to you.

snoo

Hello. It must be very hard for you, but don't get stuck in a rutt of feeling low chuck! I'm murder...if I decide I'm NOT having a good time or things aren't going my way or I don't like something....I will effectively 'close down' and it's desperately hard to pull myself out of that mood! BUT I'm sure that you are much more possitive than me and I'm sure that these feelings of missing home will get easier in time! Like Moneypenn says...it's THAT TIME...the lull after all the excitement of moving! Think of all of the trouble it's taken to even get there!! And you know...we are here on Brit Ex to help you get through those 'down days'!! I'm at home at the moment after a major operation...bedridden for 6wk! So if you need someone to talk to just ask!! I could do with some advice about the move.....we are hoping to leave here in a few of months!!
I'm also SURE that your Daughter will soon change her opinion, kids are so ressiliant and those new friends will cheer her up no end! I do agree that she's prob picking up on your mood...maybe she feels that she's helping you by siding with your feelings?
I hope we can help you settle in, maybe someone on here that lives near you will tell you of social events you can go to. Don't give up! Things can only get better!!
Much Love...Lisa,x

tomar

Hi, Moneypen has given you some very sound advice. I was an expat for years, and saw so many wives going through exactly what you describe. It really is early days, although it's very hard when you are feeling as you are at the moment, it is also quite normal. There is an almost normal honeymoon period of 3 months, when it's all very exciting, and then the reality of moving so far away sets in. Give yourself time, try to remember why you have emigrated, try to make some friends who understand how you feel. A support network can make all the difference, and try to go out and have some fun.
Hope you start to feel better soon.

daveandhelen

Hi there, my soon-to-be husband and I are emigrating to Sydney on April 18th. Fortunately we've managed to set up a place to rent in Drummoyne so we'll be able to move in as soon as we get there. My main reason for replying to you post is because I noticed you said you're from Hove - we're from Brighton.

I'm trying to stay realistic regarding the whole homesickness thing. I hope things get better for you. Nothing much changes in Brighton / Hove. Incidentally - the weather here today was awful - drizzly rain and lots of mist!

Helen

bourbon-biscuit

I'm a month into living in Australia and I recognise a lot of what you're saying. I lived in NZ for two years and in all honestly it wasn't until about the 10th months of the second year that I realised NZ was home (we left for reasons unrelated to how I felt about my life there), it had become home and now I miss it and dream about it. When I opened some of the boxes that arrived earlier this week I could smell 'home' and it does hurt. BUT I *know* this is a phase, a stage that does pass. Back when you were preparing for your move here, filling in the endless forms, packing up, saying goodbye- you imagine that's the hard bit but the reality is this is the hard bit because now we have to a put a life back together here that we want to live. I'm not working at the moment and this is hard too- I'm having to work hard at the school gate, not turn down any offers etc and generally just make myself do the things I'd imagined doing when here because right now my heart just isn't it.

I imagined myself walking the dog along the gorgeous beaches- so I try to do it daily- I imagined myself swimming in the beautiful 50m pools, so I'm off to do it this morning, etc. Try and find something to do each day that makes you smile and feel good about being here.

WRT your daughter- my kids have done this twice, poor darlings, and I know they look to me to know if it's all OK, which is so hard when my feelings are all over the place. I also know their behaviour nose-dives for a while and they just need the continual reassurance etc. Kids do adapt, but the most important thing for them is to know their parents are happy, so attend to your happiness, beef up the pluses of Oz and play down the negatives and hang in there. Pity we don't have a hug emoticon, but if we did I'd use it now.

Hutch

It usually takes a long time to put down roots and start feeling some sense of belonging. Don't beat yourself up about missing the old familiar UK, but similarly don't constantly question why you don't feel at home. Give it some time, try to stop focusing on belonging and before you know it - you will.

Cheetah7

If your daughter had just started a new school in the UK and said to you that she didnt like it, you would tell her to give it a bit of time.

You are at a critical point in your migration - the 3-6 month period of 'Oh god what have I done' feeling that hits so many of us.

I remember feeling distraught that I hadnt rabies vaccinated my little cat which meant if I wanted to 'escape' then I couldnt take him with me.

I used to and still do, wake up with sadness in my heart that I cannot see my Dad, this is getting better when I tell myself that if I had to go back, I would find a way to see him.

Please do not make any decisions about anything as yet when you are still acclimatising. Trust me that takes ages, it took a good 7 months to even tolerate some of the food here - meat is different and I have spent many a day with an upset stomach.

The language barrier STILL gets me - yesterday I told one of my 'boys' that I look after in the office that 'I hate it when people root around in my box' and then had to suffer the piss taking afterwards when I found out what that meant.

Every little thing is different, the procedure for doctors, the laws, the diet, the language, the fashion.

To say you have been removed from your comfort zone is an understatement. I long to feel secure again but slowly, each time I think of my flat in London, the place that gave me my safety blanket - I am now feeling claustrophic at the thought.

I cant imagine always living so far from my family yet I cannot envisage ever moving back to the UK - it is a real tug of war with my emotions.

I know this is my home now, I still feel wobbly alot of the time but if I want to build my own security zone then I have learned that solid foundations to enable this, have to be built slowly.

Your daughter could well be picking up on your feelings, have you noticed that in a work environment, if there is someone in a bad mood/unhappy, then it affects the whole office?

Please don't make a rash decision until you are feeling more settled because any decision you do make, could well turn out to be the wrong one for you.

We have all been there, personally, I am just coming out the other side

stevenglish

That's about the best bit of advice you could get, good luck to you

Steve

stm1971

Yes and no.

It depends on the person. I have been here nearly 10 years and have never felt like I belonged.

To the OP, yes it does take time to settle and the 3 months mark is a transition time from the extitement of emigrating to the mundane everyday life.

Only you can decide if Australia is really for you and whether you need to give it more time. I loved Australia and settled really quickly but the dreaded homesickness never really went away. I treat my remaining time here as an adventure and I know that my life has been enriched by living in another country.

Listen to the advice from the other posters. Good luck!

Hutch

I felt like that about England. And I was born there.

stevenglish

I would suggest you listen to ALL the advice and then decide which strikes a chord with you, it's all been given with the best intentions. I really hope it works out for you whatever you decide to do, just make sure you do it together, take it easy

Syedney

Hi all!

Thanks so much for all your helpful comments...Loved reading them

When I started this thread, it was after an almighty row had erupted in our family...It wasn't pleasant but it was in reflection necessary as it brought out each member's emotions out about the migration...We had a heart to heart conversations and a lot of positives came out of it too...My daughter was missing her cat and now we've decided we'll get her a kitten...Tricky part will be to explain the pet to the letting agency ...Anyway that's another bridge we'll have to cross...

But in all honesty, all your comments helped so much to put things in perspective...I was so emotional and almost had the blinkers on. Cheers guys!

Goodness me, someone has to warn all the new comers from Blighty about the 3-6 months emotional wall that seem to hit everyone!

We're taking each day by day...And just trying to enjoy being here...I have to stop comparing all the times with UK...It's so hard...Even when I go to shops, I tend to convert currencies!!! So if I buy something and it costs $2, I immediately think that's not even a pound!! Silly me!

My OH has been brilliant...Has given me all the support I could ask for...


At the end of the day, we will always have the option to go back to UK...But will we ever have the opportunity to live in Australia?
That's why we need to make the most of this...now!

Cheers again

moneypenny20

Excellent to hear It takes time and patience. You also have to stop converting (unless something is expensive but that you're convincing the husband you need of course ) Take a day at a time and if you have a down spot again don't forget to come and offload. That's what everyone here is here for.

shafanm

There is no place like home.
I think may brits go to OZ for the wheather and adventure, and after sometime you realize there is nothing much here, unless you had a hopless living situation in UK.
Quite a lot of my friend who setteled in OZ in the 90's are returning back to base. they reason they say is lack of sence of belonging.