eddie007

I have to get this off my chest, OH has a severe case of selective hearing disorder and its just not right bitching about HIS family to HIM or MY family to HIS family...

Family dynamics are so very interesting aren't they?

I'm not moving to Aus next week becasue I watch/like Australian Soaps.... My life is enough like a soap already...

Three leaving "events"... free for all distant family/ friends general barbie and family/ closest friends only sit down meal... and final day spent with close friends and their kids in peaceful picnic mode.... bring and share...

General barbie, have not invited SIL and SIL new boyfriend as BIL (her husband) and their kids... who live with him ...are coming... therefore SIL invites two kids out to theme park for day .... out of blue, unexpexted treat blah blah blah HASN'T seen them for 6 weeks, hasn't phoned them/ contacted them (as usual) for six weeks ... last time she said she would come and see them she didn't... and the time before, the time before the time before... (getting the picture)


We HAVE invited SIL to the family meal, but have requested she doesn't bring the boyfriend.... this is for HIS safety as OH is BIL best friend (for 40 years, grew up together etc etc etc ) and they are still married and the kids will be there and they don't interact with the boyfriend...not forgetting that OH will not eat at the same table as the boyfriend and MIL has stated that if the BOYFRIEND turns up she will leave ....... MIL demanded that we didn't invite SIL to family meal at all but I over rode this one and invited her sans baggage...

Other BIL (OH brother) not invited to bar be que as is invited to family sit down meal for two reasons, firstly with FREE beer he will drink until he falls over but before he falls over will pick a fight with anything that moves.. and secondly we have to provide transport for them, as we have on all previous family occassions... which is a blessing as if they wont get on a bus or order a taxi then its unlikely that they will get on a plane either to come and vist us).... we want to have a good time which may include having a drink or two at our own leaving party and does not include staying sober to drive them home after.... I phoned BIL to invite to family leaving sit down meal... as we go in 12 days... he says "are you, I didn't know" which isn't true.... he does know, we widely published our departure date... THEY KNOW WE ARE GOING!!!! its all OH has talked about for last 3 months... Any way BIL says he will ask his wife.... goes away, comes back 10 minutes (which is a long time being left on the phone, they live in a two up two down with no garden, so heaven knows where she was, sainsburys perhaps?) and says... she doesn't like chinese... WELL I'M SORRY IT'S A FREE MEAL.. I say they do other food too, he says they "don't fancy it" I say "I thought you might like to come and say goodbye to your brother (I didn't say it but I thought....you know the one that spent 2 years doing up YOUR house every other weekend whilst me and our kids went and whistled? the one that provides free transport to shops/ family occassions/airports/ anywhere you ask to go? the one who has internet connection so does all your cheaper internet shopping / research and pays for it just to 'forget about it' when those new radiators etc arrive? The one who when your Dad died and cut you out of the will gave you HALF of HIS share becasue he believes in doing the right thing?) well sorry I wasted your time.... B@st@d!!!!

But its not just HIS family who have issues... MY sister is playing the dying swan... cannot face it, can't bear the fact you are leaving, too upset to come to the meal/ barbeque or anything... which is a relief as she is an alcoholic (that bit is true and serious) and I can guarentee her presence will result in massive fireworks/family punch up ...so she is doing her freezing us out act... which is fine, but hurting my parents as they wanted us all there.... SHE said that she would help with preparations for the barbeque and has JUST turned it all round saying she never said she would and that she has other plans for the weekend and it doesn't include us... I should be relieved as it will avoid conflict/ all out war...but I'm sat here crying instead.. and she has just phoned me back and said that I am cutting her out and excluding her!

And MIL! our last day (next saturday, we had plans to spend with friends who have arranged a picnic bring and share..... quiet time with people we love and will miss most... a couple of families who we are really close to and our kids are really close to) has ordered a 3 line whip to spend the day at a local airshow with her... I tried to tell her we have plans and I tried to tell her we wanted to spend a quiet day with people we know, not being dragged around a bloody funfair with aeroplanes overhead.. and a bunch of strangers... we have enough time for planes and strangers for the rest of our lives... but NO she played the grandchild card... the top trump... the very ace of dealt suit! She wants to spend the day with her grandchildren as I AM TAKING THEM AWAY FROM HER! not her son following his life long dream, fulfilling his ambition, starting a new life and hopefully a better future for his children.... Its ME taking them away... she even brought in the breast feeding thing.... you only breast fed them so I couldn't look after them (truth hurts eddie doesn't it!)

I can't unload this all onto OH he has enough to deal with. I know its totally disloyal broadcasting this to the world, but I used to sit here and read other peoples toxic families behaviour and think awful people, how can the behave like this when people are leaving them.... then my family (his and mine) turn around and do very much the same, there is nothing here that hasn't been posted before by other people.... so perhaps this is normal? Perhaps it is normal for people to treat each other so carelessly and manipulatively and cruelly...

And Ian's reaction to all this... Next week we will be on the other side of the world... and they wont.... so No Worries

cresta57

He's going to fit right in
A few weeks time it will all be a fading memory, No Worries

Cheetah7

This bit has just made me spit my grapes over my keyboard.

You should have said 'You are damned right I only breastfed them so you couldn't get near them. In fact I would breast feed them until they are 20 to stop them from seeing you'

I think its unbelievable how you have been treated and from now on, don't provide the free taxi service or let yourself be taken advantage of.

Sometimes its easier to accept the faults of your family and get on with your own life than it is to try and change them.

You have so much to look forward to so don't let them spoil it for you.

Sheff_Sparky

nice to know it's not just my family acting like sh**s. If it helps, mine are like that anyway, and they don't even know we are going.!!

you will be on the other side of the world in a few weeks and loving it. Just ignore them, they have the problem, not you.

jond

Other than that everything is alright


My best mate never turned up for our last night in the UK, a meal for close friends only, saying his girlfriend couldn't get a babysitter for her kids FFS couldn't he have come on his own.

John

wren

Shall I book you a bed at PC

Families ay....I would like to say you are going to see far less of them so don't worry, however I have seen far more of mine since we arrived.... not part of my master plan

Not long now, so just hang in there and do what YOU want to do... afterall you aren't going to be around to put up with the sulking

hitchcock71

he is right though dont let it get to you as you will be on the other side of the world doning the dream

sending love [[[[[[hugs]]]]]]

hitchcock

steandleigh

Oh My God! What a complete weirdo!

Dunno about the rest of the family but she sounds like a complete fruit loop (and a manipulative one at that)...you're best off being 12,000 miles away from them, by the sounds of it...

Actually, I'm quite staggered by that comment... what a witch! Make sure you wave her off with a two fingered salute!

Enjoy your new life.

Cheetah7

The same comment shocked me.

At least I can come on hear and speak to you guys and we all know what each other is going through.

Family may make you feel guilty for going but as my husband says, how many of them come to visit or take care of you if you are ill or would try and improve your life in any way should you ask them?

MICKY DANDAN

We HAVE invited SIL to the family meal, but have requested she doesn't bring the boyfriend.... this is for HIS safety as OH is BIL best friend (for 40 years, grew up together etc etc etc ) and they are still married and the kids will be there and they don't interact with the boyfriend...not forgetting that OH will not eat at the same table as the boyfriend and MIL has stated that if the BOYFRIEND turns up she will leave .......

what has sil new boyfriend done, its not his fault, or is it?

eddie007

Yeah but SIL is still married to BIL and has kids that live with BIL, it may not be the new boyfriend's fault that she is living with him, but we don't know him, our BIL is still deeply upset by her affair/ leaving, the kids have been abandoned and traumatised and we really don't want to rub anyones nose in it.... It's early days and he is a virtual stranger, certainly not some one we would invite to an intimate immediate family leaving dinner...

and the meal is being paid for by us so its our choice who to invite... no one elses...

(ps.... I confess, the main reason I breastfed WAS to stop her getting her hands on my kids for any length of time... its just I didn't know that she knew... or maybe it was an educated guess on her part...)

Cheetah7

That is fabulous and fair play to you for that - she deserved it. Anyway no doubt if you bottle fed your kids she would slag you off for that as well.

Tiggs+Graz

I'd say stick to your guns.
If you have invited people and they cant be bothered to turn up that is their problem. If they dont like your arrangements then again that is their problem.
Enjoy each of the days you have planned and dont let others pettyness get to you. It is their loss.

As for your mil - just tell her you have already made other plans - if she had wanted to arrange something for that day then she should have done it earlier. Even her trump card doesnt work if you just say no.

Just remember these people are being selfish. Your mil is NOT worried about her grandkids - she is ONLY thinking about herself.

I get so annoyed when i read these threads - why cant people consider others feelings and be nice to each other?! :curse:

Adele

AndyR1976

Do what I do - just enjoy yourself and see your friends and if your family want to bicker and argue tell them to get *****ed!!

works for me!

A

sunny somers

I hate to say this but I quite enjoyed reading your post, it makes me realise that perhaps my family are not the only spiteful, selfish, weardos e.t.c. Don't worry too much think of yourself now and do what you feel is right for you and your family, cause if you do it someone elses way you'll be kicking yourself when your in oz and unable to change your last few weeks. take care babe I do hope it all goes well.
good luck
kate