Ian12

I post this because we are now in our 5th year in Australia. We have two boys 12 and 13. They seem happy enough and the youngest does not want to go back to England other than for a "holiday". Of course I think he would adapt and be happy where ever we went.

My partner and I have never settled 10%. Maybe one never settles 100%. What stops us returning to the UK? The upheaval and having to find work back in the UK during a recession.

I was wondering how many others have dithered for a long time. What if anything were the final triggered that made you make a decision and stick with it? Was there a particular event or events such as the loss of a job, kids changing schools or homesickness becoming intolerable?


I would be interested in your replies.

Regards
Ian

quoll

Going with the flow (or dithering) can lead you past the point of no return unfortunately and if you arent settled then that becomes a very uncomfortable place to be.

I guess what would have made us make the decision to move when we could would have been an opportunity that we couldnt miss. We did go through several changes here with jobs over the years - but it was so much easier to move on to something else here than there. Unfortunately when you are on the other side of the world then you do have to be very actively looking for something back in UK because it usually just isnt going to drop into your lap.

With your boys' ages you have to begin to make active decisions very quickly or you will disadvantage them educationally. Once the GCSE treadmill starts it gets harder and harder to have a child re-integrate back into the system unfortunately. However if you miss that then you are effectively resigning yourself to a lifetime here because university becomes prohibitive with international student fees even if their year 12 grades are convertable into a course entry they want. Then if they finish uni they are likely to make lives for themselves here (although they may possibly decide to leave of their own accord at that point of course) and all of a sudden you have grandkids and you get tied even further.

Moral - make active decisions or the decision may be taken away from you!

Elvira

Very true. I would just add that once they become 'proper' teenagers, moving also becomes difficult emotionally and socially.

jonfrank123

Hi Ian

We did loads of dithering but it was a combination of a few things that tipped us over the edge and made us come back, most of it economics. ie we could make more money in the UK. I was earning money in pounds so the value of my income was slowly being eroded as the Canadian Dollar appreciated.

Worrying about the upheaval and finding a job are worse than the actual doing it. We found the upheaval lasted about a month. My wife was offered 3good jobs after 2 weeks searching. As for your kids, tough luck, in a year they will be so busy with their lives they will have forgotten about Australia.

Nu-Shooz

Nope, i don't dither. If i know something isn't right, i do something about it. Works for me anyway.

Pollyana

Hi Ian,
Still out here plodding along as well are you? I did a thread recently on a similar sort of theme - that kind of moment when you realise the right way ahead. Might be worth a read
http://britishexpats.com/forum/showthread.php?t=643234

brits1

[QUOTE=Ian12;8220764]I post this because we are now in our 5th year in Australia. We have two boys 12 and 13. They seem happy enough and the youngest does not want to go back to England other than for a "holiday". Of course I think he would adapt and be happy where ever we went.

My partner and I have never settled 10%. Maybe one never settles 100%. What stops us returning to the UK? The upheaval and having to find work back in the UK during a recession.

I was wondering how many others have dithered for a long time. What if anything were the final triggered that made you make a decision and stick with it? Was there a particular event or events such as the loss of a job, kids changing schools or homesickness becoming intolerable?


I would be interested in your replies.

Regards


Hi Ian,

We have been in Aus nearly 12 years now and after our 7th year we finally knew we would never fully belong...we don't hate life here (maybe that would be easier to cope with in a way) but it has never felt like home....fast forward another 5 years of really just hoping that Aus would feel like home...it just never has..so we are moving back home in April...maybe sooner if the new owners of our rental will realease us sooner from our contract...we have two teenagers 16 & 18....they are just chomping at the bit to return home...it would be horrible and a difficult situation if they did not want to return home as well and we have met a lot of people here in Aus who are staying because their children want to stay....good luck with your decision...that's the hardest part I have been told....fingers crossed thats correct....because these last two years have been the most stressful.....

Dan the Plumber

[QUOTE=brits1;8221624] Wow!
I guess we have been here about ten years all up, thats with breaks in between of living back in the UK. I'm interested as you say your kids can't wait to get back.....I presume they would have been 4 and 6 when you arrived?? Interesting that they would even remember the UK unless I am missing something!!!
Best of luck with the move anyway - I'm sure you won't regret it!! I hope to have us all 'shipped' back again sometime this year.....we have been back since Jan 09 and I really really regret that decision of ever leaving England!! Oh well, like I said best of luck!
Dan

jan the piglet

we'll have been in Ontario 5 years this summer and have decided that's when we're returning home to UK. I particularly haven't settles, the teenagers are looking forward to going back and so is hubby even though there's a recession etc it's just more homely.
another poster recently said that they didn't want to die abroad and his wife said the same so they said "then, what the heck are we doing in a foreign country?" and are returning to Blighty.

brits1

[QUOTE=Dan the Plumber;8222775] Hi our youngest was 5 when he arrived in Aus....we are going into our 12th year here.....we have been lucky to visit home...our last visit was for nearly 10 weeks and also our family have visited every year we have been here except for the last year....we stayed here in aus for 7 years before we went back home for a visit and in that time we travelled to the Eastern States and viewed what W.A mainly has to offer.....our children are very close to their cousins and aunts and uncles and if you ask them they will say they feel like "a fish out of water" here in Aus.....they love their Football.......and just love going to their clubs home games when in England....oh loads.....if anythng they were more unsettled when we came back to Perth after our first visit.....and after our last visit home we really had to say we would talk about returning home to live.....we were already feeling unsettled after our first visit home ourselves but had kept it between my Oh and and myself....it was we realised a feeling that Aus just was not home and after all these years of giving it a go and a good go at that for us it is time to go home...our oldest has his Uni Place waiting for him and our youngest is going to college....just now have to start pricing flights and furniture removals as we leave our rental in April....not sure if we will try and sell our furniture before we go though...will have to think about that soon but giving ourselves a weeks holiday before we start making decisions. I once met an Australian who was born to British Parents, I met this person just after we arrived in Aus and they were leaving for the U.K to live..(they still live in the U.k)..they said they had "always felt more British than Australian"....I thought that strange at the time but have since met others who have said the same....

Dan the Plumber

[QUOTE=brits1;8224506] Oh absolutely,
Thanks for that reply, if anything I really envy you as your kids attitudes are that they too want to go home to UK!! Mine are going to kick up such an almighty stink.....! We're pretty much likely to get home sometime this year....I wake up every morning and ask myself if this is really the right thing to do.....its just such a hassle to move countries......but when I start to think of just living 'back home' I get a really contented and happy feeling!! I guess it must be right- I feel so much happier in myself.
i for one know its going to be a struggle, we have just bought a place here so are now toying with the idea of maybe renting it out or trying to cover costs and sell......I don't know - anyway thats off topic!!
Where abouts are you in WA and where are you heading home too?
Cheers,
Dan

Beedubya

I emigrated with my (then) husband and our 2 young kids in 1981, never settled like most on here, then due to health probs with both kids we came back to England in 1986 for some family and moral support as we had no other relatives in Australia. Unfortunately both our kids hated it here, so back we went to Australia again after a year, never really settling, but not being a whingeing Pom either - just getting on with it.

My ex and I got divorced 7 years ago, my kids were grown up and gone, and there am I living where I don't want to live. Commuting 4 hours plus (!!) a day to work in Sydney, just working to live if you know what I mean.

So in about August 2008 I found out you could get your super if you were over 55 and had "retired" - just a word. After MUCH thought, I handed in my notice in January 2009 for a job I had done for over 8 years. I "retired", got my money and decided to give it a year over here to see how I felt long term. Not for a holiday but to actually live and work here..... you see every time I went home for a holiday, it was just for a month, then I would cry all the way from Manchester to London on the plane as I didn't want to return to Oz.........or was it just the post holiday blues or homesickness or what, so I had to find out once the seed had been planted in my mind ......I arrived here on April 4th 2009.

So I decided I would live in a nice place, I don't like where my UK family live, so I decided on the Lake District, I just wanted a menial job with no responsibility so I could think about my future. 5 weeks later I had a furnished flat and a job in a shop and after much soul searching and feelings of guilt and selfishness for leaving my "kids" and grand-kids in Australia I have decided not to return to live there.

A month ago I got a permanent job in Somerset and other than going back to Australia in March to sort out my stuff (furniture in storage, car, etc.) I will be living in England for the rest of my days.

kiwi_child

A good, informative, personal and honest post. Your life is important to you and so too is the ability to enjoy it. The kids and grandkids have their lives ahead of them. Time for you to look after you! Hope though you'll be able to catch up with them for holidays or that. Best wishes for the future

quoll

Good on you! That's a great story for us "oldies" and more power to you for upping and looking after yourself even if it means leaving grandkids back in Australia (you never know, they may do what many young Aussies do and head back for UK once they are able!!!)

Marmalade

Very inspiring, thank you so much for sharing