Thanks I read this and am trying to get a "future" folder together for Wednesday. I won't have time to get the letters from him noterised, but an email from him and a few of his family members should be ok.

I've got loads of printing to do at work over the next couple of days.

I didn't decide not to notify the father, it was a court decision.

I am going to get a "future life" folder together with all of the housing, schooling and other information for my youngest son as well.

I know you're not trying to scare me, I appreciate your honesty as sometimes I am in my own world... The reality of my situation is brutal.

I am prepared to go through the hoops as its not in his best interest to be without me. I will even ensure that I schedule an annual trip back to the UK if it means that they grant it to me.

Does the childs father want custody? Or is he just trying to make your life difficult? This is NONE of my business but.... If there is any chance he may not be the father.......I'm sure this seems rude, but since all is anonymous.

LOL... I found that funny.

Unfortunately he is the father, he doesn't want custody it's just spite.

Sorry and good luck. Hope the rotten bastard rots in h...

Thanks hun, I will update and let you all know how it went

Well today was the day... OMG!

Firstly, thanks for all the advice and help.

The duty solicitor was CRAP!!! She didn't help me very much at all... In fact, she said "oh I haven't had one of these before" and proceeded to explain how difficult the whole situation is. You were right I couldn't hire her (even though I wouldn't have wanted to). I did seek legal advice, but it was very last minute on Tuesday and it was a small firm. He said to go ahead with what I had as I had a strong case and I had court approval not to notify the other parent (can I just add here his specialty wasn't family law, which I found out today).

Back to the court today, I opened the door to the judge and his first words were "I'm not issuing anything today". I sat down and then he proceeded with "father's have right", I am writing a list of things that need to be satisfied before anything can be issued. I said ok, then he said "I see you were given court approval to not notify the father, however, I think in this case for relocation he needs to be contacted"... I said "ok, how do I do this as I am unaware of his whereabouts?"... He then said that he had to feel as though I have exhausted all avenues to find him.

Punch line number two... He then said I shouldn't worry as I can get legal aid... Which he could see the shock in my face as I replied I work full time, then he quickly retracted his statement.

Anyhoo... He went on for about more 10 minutes, I am not 100% sure on what was said as I lost focus on him and just started crying. When I got up and left, I told the usher that I wanted to complain and explained his second and third comment to me, I also explained that the judge refused to look at my file or read my case properly. She went and had a word with him and he called me back in and said (and I quote) "I don't want you to feel that I am against you; I am not against you and I am not for you, I am just keeping to the letter of the law, I can see the previous judge empathized on your situation, however, I need you to contact him or clear evidence of you attempting to contact him as he is the father". Then he added "I am sorry if I offended you with my legal aid comment, but there are other options for you to get some sort of help for the cost of a solicitor".

I am back tomorrow (during my lunch break) to get my paperwork and "action points", but long and short of it is I am back in court on 11th June when I will be interviewed by CAFCASS and a another hearing with a judge. Oh, and I have now got a family law specialist solicitor, my first appointment is tomorrow.

Sorry to hear that you had such a difficult time... we tried to warn you. Anyway, you'll be much better prepared the next time you see the judge. Best of luck to you.

Ian

Earlier you wrote "His father has refused to give permission", which seems to imply that you have communicated with him recently.

He hasn't seen his son since Christmas 2010 because he doesn't want to. I am still in regular contact with his family and they are aware of my situation. He's no longer a reputable character so they only see them once and a while and he has no fixed anything for me or them to know how or where to contact him. His Dad has asked him for me when he saw him in the new year and he said he's "not going to agree to or do anything and I should ** myself".

After meeting with my solictor today I am going to serve his Mum, Dad, Aunt and cousin in person and send them as recorded delivery as well as these are the people who are closest to him and if he goes to see any of them they will serve him and let me know.

UPDATE...

My ex was served by one of his family members (I had 3 court copies made of the all the documents).... So court date was yesterday and he failed to turn up (apparently this is still not him refusing to acknowledge).

The judge felt that although I had gone to great lengths to get him served, the service was not secure (nothing was put in the initial court order about secureness...it was a different judge from the one that I saw before, apparently I won't be dealing with him again as he isn't senior enough for the case).

CAFCASS was present at the court and they had done enhanced checks on both of us and deemed him "of poor character with four pending criminal cases", the judge still wanted a secure service of the hearing. They also knew my job, pay, etc (I was surprised how much info they found).

So... The judge has issued a court order to the police to deliver the last known addresses for him (as he is on bail) and then the court bailiffs will serve him with the our new hearing date (in 6 weeks... She had to give the Police 28 days to deliver the addresses and dates that he has to check in and 2 weeks for the court bailiffs to serve him). Thankfully, this is at no additional cost to me as she is ordering it.

The judge commended me on how through and well put together my supporting statement was (in total it was 12 pages with a referenced appendix)
She said and I quote "you will be granted this specific issue order, but there are processes that have to be adhered to, I understand your frustrations but I am going to try and move it along as quickly as possible"

So worst case scenario he doesn't attend court in 6 weeks after being served AGAIN or he does come to court and contests, then CAFCASS need to write ANOTHER report which will take 16 WEEKS and I will have to go back to court on the 17th week for the final hearing... Which is another 22 weeks in total from now before a final decision.

Best case scenario he attends court in 6 weeks and agrees... Then I get my LTR or his family can convince him to go to a solicitor and get him to sign two letters; US Embassy stating he gives permission and one for the court saying he doesn't want to attend court for his own personal reasons and he gives his consent. My that he is willing to one of these options.

This LTR case is stressful and drawn out, I think there should be a limit on the amount of times someone refuses to go to court.

It is indeed! But, things are now moving forward through official channels and there will be a resolution - hopefully sooner than later.

Ian