Slingshot

(1) Fine: This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up.

(2) Five Minutes: If she is getting dressed, this means a half an hour. Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given five more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house.

(3) Nothing: This is the calm before the storm. This means something, and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with nothing usually end in fine.

(4) Go Ahead: This is a dare, not permission. Don't Do It!

(5) Loud Sigh: This is actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A loud sigh means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you about nothing. (Refer back to # 3 for the meaning of nothing.)

(6) That's Okay: This is one of the most dangerous statements a women can make to a man. That's okay means she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.

(7) Thanks: A woman is thanking you, do not question, or Faint. Just say you're welcome (I want to add in a clause here - This is true, unless she says 'Thanks a lot' - that is PURE sarcasm and she is not thanking you at all. DO NOT say 'you're welcome' ... that will bring on a 'whatever').

(8) Whatever: Is a women's way of saying ***** YOU!

(9) Don't worry about it, I got it: Another dangerous statement, meaning this is something that a woman has told a man to do several times, but is now doing it herself. This will later result in a man asking 'What's wrong?' For the woman's response refer to # 3.

Fairydust

Love nos 8 and 9 they're my favourites

FlirtyKnickers

1 and 4 for me

Slingshot

it's the nothing one that always worries me

FlirtyKnickers

It should do....it's only used on special occasions

Fairydust

which is of course linked to no. 9. Pity there isn't a male version of all these comments or maybe someone can devise one!!

Fairydust

Really you obviously don't live in our house

ScotsExpat

The reason there isnt a male version is because we are pretty one-dimensional.... No alterior motives behind what we say... Its either food or sex....

Slingshot

usually after number 9 you find the credit card was given a good bashing which brings you back to number 6.
there is no other version - we are perfect!

Slingshot

did you have to be so blunt? could you not have made it a bit more flowery?

ScotsExpat

Flowery?? Then they would have known I was hiding something......

ScotsExpat

But just to even out the playing field...........

"I'm going fishing."

Really means... "I'm going to drink myself dangerously stupid and stand by a stream
with a stick in my hand, while the fish swim by in complete safety."

"It's a guy thing."

Really means.... "There is no rational thought pattern connected with it, and you have no chance at all of making it logical."

"Can I help with dinner?"

Really means... "Why isn't it already on the table?"

"Uh huh," "Sure, honey," or "Yes, dear."

Really means... Absolutely nothing. It's a conditioned response.

"It would take too long to explain."

Really means... "I have no idea how it works."

"I'm getting more exercise lately."

Really means... "The batteries in the remote are dead."

"We're going to be late."

Really means... "Now I have a legitimate excuse to drive like a maniac."

"Take a break, honey, you're working too hard."

Really means...."I can't hear the game over the vacuum cleaner."

"That's interesting, dear."

Really means... "Are you still talking?"

"Honey, we don't need material things to prove our love."

Really means... "I forgot our anniversary again."

"That's women's work."

Really means... "It's difficult, dirty, and thankless."

"You know how bad my memory is."

Really means... "I remember the theme song to 'F Troop', the address of the first girl I ever kissed and the Vehicle Identification Numbers of every car I've ever owned, but I forgot your birthday."

"Oh, don't fuss. I just cut myself, it's no big deal."

Really means... "I have severed a limb, but will bleed to death before I admit I'm hurt."

"I do help around the house."

Really means... "I once put a dirty towel in the laundry basket."

"Hey, I've got my reasons for what I'm doing."

Really means... "I sure hope I think of some reasons pretty soon."

"I can't find it."

Really means... "It didn't fall into my outstretched hands, so I'm completely clueless."

"What did I do this time?"

Really means... "What did you catch me doing?"

"I heard you."

Really means... "I haven't the foggiest clue what you just said, and I'm hoping desperately that I can fake it well enough so that you don't spend the next days yelling at me."

"You look terrific."

Really means... "Oh, God, please don't try on one more outfit. I'm starving."

"I missed you."

Really means... "I can't find my sock drawer, the kids are hungry and we are out of toilet paper."

"I'm not lost. I know exactly where we are."

Really means... "I'm lost. I have no idea where we are, and no one will ever see us alive again."

"I don't need to read the instructions."

Really means... "I am perfectly capable of screwing it up without printed help."

Slingshot

ScotsExpat - don't lie to them - we are not really that complex!

(1)Fine:LIterally means that's just fine

(2)Five minutes:Anywhere from 5 minutes to 20 minutes

(3)Nothing:Most likely, nothing

(4)Go Ahead:Permission granted

(5)Loud Sigh:Long efficient breath taken to more adequately oxygenate the blood

(6)That's Okay:Perhaps not perfect, but that will do

(7)Thanks:Thank you

(8)Whatever:I have no preference, but thanks for asking

(9)Don't worry about it I got it:I will take care of it and do not require any assistance

twinkle-star

Ive sent this to my hubby he had difficulty with number 2 ??

Which means just straightning my hair, doing my lippy, finding my bag, deciding what shoes to wear...Oh keys forgot where i put them....twirl round in a circle...go to the loo.. come out and know there is something i have forgotten, sit down to think??? Hubby edging towards the door thinks i am ready because I sat down...stand up and decide shoes dont go with outfit rush to change them.
Apply more mascara...hubby outside in lift area...Grab my comb and bag rush outside....Hate rushing... Hubby all hot and huffy because ive taken so long I'm not happy coz ive had to rush around!....I mean really it was only 5 minutes!!!????

MataHari

whatever...