Two ladies Talking in Heaven
 

1st Woman - Hi! My names Wanda.
2nd Woman - Hi! I'm Kelly. How'd you die:confused:

1st Woman - I froze to death.
2nd Woman - How Horrible!:eek:

1st Woman - It wasnt so bad, after i quit shaking from the cold, I began to get warm and sleepy:zzz:, and finally I died a peacefull death, what about you:confused:

2nd Woman - I died from a massive heart attack, I suspected that my husband was cheating, so I came home early to catch him in the act, but instead I found him in his den watching TV:sneaky:

1st Woman - So what Happened:confused:

2nd Woman - I was so sure that ther was another woman somewhere that I started running all over the house looking, I searched the attic and down in the basement and I went through every closet and checked under all the beds, I kept this up until I looked everywhere, and finally I became so exhausted that I just keeled over with a heart attack and died.



1st Woman - Too bad you didn't look in the freezer .....we'd both be still alive!!!:lol::lol::lol:

Re: Two ladies Talking in Heaven
 

haha.. nice!

Re: Two ladies Talking in Heaven
 

2 Old Farts

Two Old Farts, Rodger and Chuck, met in the park every day to feed the pigeons, watch the squirrels and discuss world problems. One day Rodger didn't show up.

Chuck didn't think much about it and figured maybe he had a cold or something.

But after Rodger hadn't shown up for a week or so, Chuck really got worried.

However, since the only time they ever got together was at the park Chuck didn't know where Rodger lived, so he was unable to find out what had happened to him.

A month had passed, and Chuck figured he had seen the last of Rodger.

But one day, Chuck approached the park and -- lo and behold there sat Rodger!

Chuck was very excited and happy to see him and told him so.

Then he said, "For crying out loud Rodger, what in the world happened to you?"

Rodger replied, "I have been in jail."

"Jail?" cried Chuck. "What in the world for?"

"Well," Rodger said, "you know Judy, that cute little waitress at the coffee shop where we sometimes go?" "Yeah," said Chuck, "I remember her. What about her?" "Well, one day she filed rape charges against me and, at 89 years old, I was so proud that when I got into court, I pleaded guilty.

And ...the Judge gave me 30 days for perjury."

Re: Two ladies Talking in Heaven
 

hee hee, cute!

Re: Two ladies Talking in Heaven
 

a man and a woman are on the golf course,
the woman tee's off, she hooks the ball, both husband and wife watch in horror as the ball flies across the fairway, hits a big old oak tree,
from there it hit the boundry fennce, bounced of a moving car, this accelerated the ball to greater speeds,
it hits another car coming the other way,
goes through the windscreen, kills the driver outright,
his car careers across the road,
hits a bus full of people, the bus crashes, killing 53 of the 67 people on it,
the bus drives through the window of a supermarket, crashes down the aisle, kills a further 30 people,
the woman looks at the husband in near panic and say,s
oh god what can we do,
he looks at her,
smile, takes her golf club and says if you held it like this the ball would go straight.

Re: Two ladies Talking in Heaven
 

POW's

A plane was shot down over Iraq and Saddam Hussein captured a Scotsman, an Englishman and an Australian.

Saddam says "I'm not as cruel as George Bush says I am You will be given 50 lashes each but you can have whatever you want on your back."

The Australian goes first and asks for the finest Kangaroo hide there is to cover his back. This is granted and he receives the kangaroo hide before he receives 50 lashes.

His back is all torn and bleeding but he survives.

The Englishman says "I will take it as it comes I will have nothing on my back and will be proud to bear the scars" he shouts defiantly, "Stiff upper lip you know eh what."

His wish is granted and he receives his 50 lashes, his back torn and bleeding, his ribs fractured and protruding, a terrible mess to behold.

"Now Jock It's your turn you have the same choice as the other two what would you like on your back?" says Saddam.

Jock replies quickly and without hesitation "I'll have the Englishman.":lol::lol::lol:

Re: Two ladies Talking in Heaven
 

a couple have been married and living in the same house for 50 years,
the husband sits across the breakfast table and looks at his wife,
she looks back and says what's wrong,
he say's for 50 years we have sat at this very table, in these very chairs and eaten breakfast at the same time,
she looks back at him and says yeah, everything is the same,
he says remember when we were younger, we sat here naked, had breakfast, then sex then done the dishes,
she says yeah they were good days,
he says lets do it again,
so they strip of, he sits there naked,
she sits there naked and he looks at her,
she says what do you think,
he says WOW.
feeling proud of herself because she has tried to keep her body in shape, she says my tits have still got it eh, still hot.
he says well they should be.
one is in the porridge the other is in your coffee.

Re: Two ladies Talking in Heaven
 

Four Animals a woman always needs....need sound as it has lovley music :rofl::rofl::rofl:

Re: Two ladies Talking in Heaven
 

Brilliant! I currently only have the Donkey! working on the others though :rofl:

Re: Two ladies Talking in Heaven
 

eeuuwww...defo don't want the mink...

MM, xx

Re: Two ladies Talking in Heaven
 

a fake mink! a fun fur! I got one in the Uk but I would like a huge furry pink one! :rofl::rofl::rofl: