littlejimmy

I sort of get what you are saying about a, but to me a is not so much about compromising with people as much as finding our true calling in life, a job we enjoy and love, rather than choosing a career that maybe fits the bill in terms of finance and social standing but that doesn't fulfil in any way and after 20 years leaves us wondering why the heck we chose it in the first place.

Or it could just be me...

weasel decentral

Why do you think you need a job to define your life? Its 50 hours out of 168 hours of your week, a necessary evil but certainly not the definition of my life.

Bahtatboy

That's a tough one. Commitments all too often get in the way of chosing a career, especially when half-way through one. And you never know till you get into the meat of a career whether you're going to enjoy it as it progresses. I'm deeply envious of those who have a career they love and which gives them appropriate work-life balance. I have a career I really like, but I always wonder if I'd have been happier and/or more successful doing something else; on the other hand, I perhaps need to adjust my way of viewing things. Paul McKenna can help, I think.

scrubbedexpat141

But how many of those other hours do you spend asleep?

OR

Asleep at work?

weasel decentral

I guess my point was why did he choose to define himself by work. He is also (I think):
A husband, father, english, ex-pat, writer, sportsfan etc..

I don't sleep much at work though some of my work does look like I was asleep doing it

scrubbedexpat141

I see your point. It's a good one.

My Dad always told me; Money can't buy you happiness, but it certainly gives you options.

That's coming from a bloke who had it, went bankrupt and had it again. It seems simply sensible.

Bahtatboy

That's a distorted calculation. Your job probably accounts for half your potentially-creative time in your adult life (retirement excluded). To treat it as a necessary evil must be a bad thing--unless, I suppose, you can really compartmentalise and your non-working life is so abundant that you achieve balance.

Maybe I need to follow what I've just written...

scrubbedexpat141

But 'compartmentalising' your out-of-work life into slots of fun and other shit would be the most drastically depressing and sad thing to do.

Yeah make time for the important things, but less planning = more spontaneous. The balance is key. I planned my Vietnam holiday ****ing loads (remember the thread?)...my mrs wanted to just turn up and see what happened - I can't do that, it scares me. BUT, we turned up with no way of knowing how to get around apart from; on a train. I hated bits of it but loved the fact I'd made myself compromise to not have plans sorted until we got there and worked it out.

Not a great example but you'll probably get the picture.

Yet more life advice from someone the age of your kids...you're all welcome.

weasel decentral

It is a distorted calculation for sure but I was exaggerating to make a point here. I consider my job a necessary evil for financial reasons, there are many other things I would prefer to be doing given the choice. But I certainly don't hate it ,in fact I have so little emotional investment in it that I can't feel strong love or hate for it at all.

weasel decentral

I am guessing he meant to compartmentalise your work so its doesn't seep into your out of work time, not the other way round

scrubbedexpat141

...awkward

littlejimmy

In my case it takes up more of my time and effort because I am away from home most of the time and spend my spare time on my own in a flat in northern Holland. I can't find a job near home so can't say I'm doing it by choice. Of course I recognise that my career has taken me overseas and I've been able to use it as a route to sidelines like writing and now photography, so it's not all bad. My main grouch is that I feel like I've been suppressing my creative instincts for over 20 years just to earn a crust. I also think that if I do this a bit longer, maybe get financially secure in the next decade, then I can do more of the arty-farty stuff I really want to do.

littlejimmy

Your dad's quote is a good one and kind of supports what I just said.

Victor Meldrew

I recall recently seeing a programme which looked at (I think it was) 3 old people in UK and what their lives were like. It was quite depressing.

However I liked what one of them said.

They showed pictures of him in the Merchant Navy when he was young - a good looking bloke, described as a happy go lucky charmer. He travelled extensively.

He spoke about/admitted that he had made lots of mistakes in his life and messed up a lot of things. He divorced his wife, and was estranged from his daughter who lived in Australia and never contacted him. He lived on his own in a tumbledown house with no heating or hot water. He didnt go upstairs and lived (ate, sat, slept) in the living room. He had ulcers and sores all over his legs from lack of movement.

He said:

" They say life aint no rehearsal....... Mind you wouldnt it be great if it was, you could have one trial run, like a dress rehearsal and then the real thing where you could leave out all the mistakes"

I think I have to agree there

OleJanx

I couldn't agree more with that last statement the bloke made. Shame we can't go back, not even for one second, as I have made some bad mistakes, hurt people and generally buggered things up to the 'n'th degree, and whilst I have learned from my mistakes, it doesn't repair the damage done, both physical and emotionally.