Today's Joke
Apr 10th 2012, 8:14 am
#1
Hit 16's
Thread Starter
Joined: Mar 2010
Location: Of all the gin joints, in all the towns, in all the world, she walks into mine
Posts: 13,112
Today's Joke
Paddy had been drinking at his local Dublin pub all day and most of the night celebrating St Patrick's Day.
Mick, the bartender says, 'You'll not be drinking anymore tonight Paddy.
Paddy replies, 'OK Mick, I'll be on my way then.'
Paddy spins around on his stool and steps off. He falls flat on his face.
'Shoite' he says and pulls himself up by the stool and dusts himself off.
He takes a step towards the door and falls flat on his face, 'Shoite, Shoite!'
He looks to the doorway and thinks to himself that if he can just get to the door and some fresh air he'll be fine.
He belly crawls to the door and shimmies up to the door frame. He sticks his head outside and takes a deep breath of cool, fresh Dublin air, feels much better and takes a step out onto the pavement and falls flat on his face.
'B'Jesus... I'm fockin' focked,' he says.
He can see his house just a few doors down, and crawls to the door, hauls himself up the door frame, opens the door and shimmies inside.
He takes a look up the stairs and says. 'No fockin' way'.
He crawls up the stairs to his bedroom door and says 'I can make it to the bed.'
He takes a step into the room and falls flat on his face.
He says 'Fock it' and falls into bed.
The next morning, his wife, Jess, comes into the room carrying a cup of coffee and says, 'Get up Paddy. Did you have a bit to drink last night?'
Paddy says, 'I did Jess. I was fockin' pissed. But how'd you know?'
'Mick phoned . . . You left your wheelchair at the pub.'
Mick, the bartender says, 'You'll not be drinking anymore tonight Paddy.
Paddy replies, 'OK Mick, I'll be on my way then.'
Paddy spins around on his stool and steps off. He falls flat on his face.
'Shoite' he says and pulls himself up by the stool and dusts himself off.
He takes a step towards the door and falls flat on his face, 'Shoite, Shoite!'
He looks to the doorway and thinks to himself that if he can just get to the door and some fresh air he'll be fine.
He belly crawls to the door and shimmies up to the door frame. He sticks his head outside and takes a deep breath of cool, fresh Dublin air, feels much better and takes a step out onto the pavement and falls flat on his face.
'B'Jesus... I'm fockin' focked,' he says.
He can see his house just a few doors down, and crawls to the door, hauls himself up the door frame, opens the door and shimmies inside.
He takes a look up the stairs and says. 'No fockin' way'.
He crawls up the stairs to his bedroom door and says 'I can make it to the bed.'
He takes a step into the room and falls flat on his face.
He says 'Fock it' and falls into bed.
The next morning, his wife, Jess, comes into the room carrying a cup of coffee and says, 'Get up Paddy. Did you have a bit to drink last night?'
Paddy says, 'I did Jess. I was fockin' pissed. But how'd you know?'
'Mick phoned . . . You left your wheelchair at the pub.'
Apr 10th 2012, 10:04 am
#2
Knee deep and rising
Joined: Sep 2011
Posts: 3,007
Re: Today's Joke
His wife Jess? Why not Mary or Bridie?. Lost points on the inconsistency of the stereotypical names for me.
From me :
Jesus loves you
A kind gesture when shared in church, but a horrifying thing to hear in a Mexican prison.
From me :
Jesus loves you
A kind gesture when shared in church, but a horrifying thing to hear in a Mexican prison.
Apr 10th 2012, 10:12 am
#3
Joined: Jan 2012
Posts: 1,107
Re: Today's Joke
The other authenticity-killer was the reference to "cool, fresh Dublin air".
And (indirectly) continuing the Irish and religious themes, my offering is an old favourite joke-of-the-day c. Dec 1997:
Q. What did Michael Jackson get for xmas?
A. A parish.
And (indirectly) continuing the Irish and religious themes, my offering is an old favourite joke-of-the-day c. Dec 1997:
Q. What did Michael Jackson get for xmas?
A. A parish.
Apr 10th 2012, 12:47 pm
#4
Hit 16's
Thread Starter
Joined: Mar 2010
Location: Of all the gin joints, in all the towns, in all the world, she walks into mine
Posts: 13,112
Re: Today's Joke
The next joke starts: "There were two pedants hovering over their keyboards waiting to dissect the next joke, when suddenly…"
Any takers? Maybe we should take it in turns to add two words at a time.
Any takers? Maybe we should take it in turns to add two words at a time.
Apr 10th 2012, 1:07 pm
#5
Knee deep and rising
Joined: Sep 2011
Posts: 3,007
Re: Today's Joke
We had the typical accent, we had the typical behaviour (drunkenness), we had the typical outcome (stupidity) so all that was lacking was the typical female name.
I was merely attempting to help realise a 100% score.
Last edited by weasel decentral; Apr 10th 2012 at 1:09 pm.
Apr 10th 2012, 7:37 pm
#6
Joined: Jan 2012
Posts: 1,107
Re: Today's Joke
I think when the central thrust of your joke is Irish bigotry the least you can do is follow it through completely.
We had the typical accent, we had the typical behaviour (drunkenness), we had the typical outcome (stupidity) so all that was lacking was the typical female name.
I was merely attempting to help realise a 100% score.
We had the typical accent, we had the typical behaviour (drunkenness), we had the typical outcome (stupidity) so all that was lacking was the typical female name.
I was merely attempting to help realise a 100% score.
