Today's Joke

Old Apr 10th 2012, 8:14 am
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Default Today's Joke

Paddy had been drinking at his local Dublin pub all day and most of the night celebrating St Patrick's Day.

Mick, the bartender says, 'You'll not be drinking anymore tonight Paddy.

Paddy replies, 'OK Mick, I'll be on my way then.'

Paddy spins around on his stool and steps off. He falls flat on his face.
'Shoite' he says and pulls himself up by the stool and dusts himself off.

He takes a step towards the door and falls flat on his face, 'Shoite, Shoite!'

He looks to the doorway and thinks to himself that if he can just get to the door and some fresh air he'll be fine.

He belly crawls to the door and shimmies up to the door frame. He sticks his head outside and takes a deep breath of cool, fresh Dublin air, feels much better and takes a step out onto the pavement and falls flat on his face.


'B'Jesus... I'm fockin' focked,' he says.

He can see his house just a few doors down, and crawls to the door, hauls himself up the door frame, opens the door and shimmies inside.

He takes a look up the stairs and says. 'No fockin' way'.

He crawls up the stairs to his bedroom door and says 'I can make it to the bed.'

He takes a step into the room and falls flat on his face.

He says 'Fock it' and falls into bed.

The next morning, his wife, Jess, comes into the room carrying a cup of coffee and says, 'Get up Paddy. Did you have a bit to drink last night?'

Paddy says, 'I did Jess. I was fockin' pissed. But how'd you know?'

'Mick phoned . . . You left your wheelchair at the pub.'
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Old Apr 10th 2012, 10:04 am
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Default Re: Today's Joke

His wife Jess? Why not Mary or Bridie?. Lost points on the inconsistency of the stereotypical names for me.

From me :

Jesus loves you
A kind gesture when shared in church, but a horrifying thing to hear in a Mexican prison.
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Old Apr 10th 2012, 10:12 am
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Default Re: Today's Joke

The other authenticity-killer was the reference to "cool, fresh Dublin air".

And (indirectly) continuing the Irish and religious themes, my offering is an old favourite joke-of-the-day c. Dec 1997:
Q. What did Michael Jackson get for xmas?
A. A parish.
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Old Apr 10th 2012, 12:47 pm
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Default Re: Today's Joke

The next joke starts: "There were two pedants hovering over their keyboards waiting to dissect the next joke, when suddenly…"

Any takers? Maybe we should take it in turns to add two words at a time.
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Old Apr 10th 2012, 1:07 pm
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Default Re: Today's Joke

Originally Posted by Bahtatboy View Post
The next joke starts: "There were two pedants hovering over their keyboards waiting to dissect the next joke, when suddenly…"

Any takers? Maybe we should take it in turns to add two words at a time.
I think when the central thrust of your joke is Irish bigotry the least you can do is follow it through completely.
We had the typical accent, we had the typical behaviour (drunkenness), we had the typical outcome (stupidity) so all that was lacking was the typical female name.
I was merely attempting to help realise a 100% score.

Last edited by weasel decentral; Apr 10th 2012 at 1:09 pm.
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Old Apr 10th 2012, 7:37 pm
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Default Re: Today's Joke

Originally Posted by weasel decentral View Post
I think when the central thrust of your joke is Irish bigotry the least you can do is follow it through completely.
We had the typical accent, we had the typical behaviour (drunkenness), we had the typical outcome (stupidity) so all that was lacking was the typical female name.
I was merely attempting to help realise a 100% score.
What he said - though for an Irish joke that could have come from Jim Davidson it was at least a little funny...
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Old Apr 11th 2012, 2:12 am
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Default Re: Today's Joke

Originally Posted by Miss Anne Thrope View Post
What he said - though for an Irish joke that could have come from Jim Davidson it was at least a little funny...
......... unlike your parish joke............
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