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The Squirrel & The Grasshopper

The Squirrel & The Grasshopper

Old Mar 24th 2009, 1:33 pm
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Default The Squirrel & The Grasshopper

Just received this by email. First time Ive received it and very cleverly written..

The Tale of the Squirrel and the Grasshopper


TRADITIONAL VERSION for THE REST OF THE WORLD :-

The squirrel works hard in the withering heat all summer long, building and improving his house and laying up supplies for the winter. The grasshopper thinks he's a fool, and laughs and dances and plays the summer away.

Come winter, the squirrel is warm and well fed.

The shivering grasshopper has no food or shelter, so he dies out in the cold.

____________________THE END____________________



THE MODERN BRITISH VERSION:
(Which could almost have been written by George Orwell)

The squirrel works hard in the withering heat all summer long, building his house and laying up supplies for the winter.

The grasshopper thinks he's a fool, and laughs and dances and plays the summer away.

Come winter, the squirrel is warm and well fed.

A social worker finds the shivering grasshopper, calls a press conference and demands to know why the squirrel should be allowed to be warm and well fed while others less fortunate, like the grasshopper, are cold and starving.

The BBC shows up to provide live coverage of the shivering grasshopper; with cuts to a video of the squirrel in his comfortable warm home with a table laden with food.

The British press informs people that they should be ashamed that, in a country of such wealth, this poor grasshopper is allowed to suffer while others have plenty. The Labour Party, Greenpeace, Animal Rights and The Grasshopper Council of GB demonstrate in front of the squirrel's house.

The BBC, interrupting a cultural festival special from Notting Hill with breaking news, broadcasts a multicultural choir singing "We Shall Overcome". Ken Livingstone rants in an interview with Trevor McDonald that the squirrel has gotten rich off the backs of grasshoppers, and calls for an immediate tax hike on the squirrel to make him pay his "fair share", and increases the charge for squirrels to enter inner London.

In response to pressure from the media, the Government drafts the Economic Equity and Grasshopper Anti-Discrimination Act, retroactive to the beginning of the summer. The squirrel's taxes are reassessed.

He is taken to court and fined for failing to hire grasshoppers as builders for the work on his home, with an additional fine for contempt (for telling the court that grasshoppers do not want to work).

The grasshopper is provided with a council house, financial aid to furnish it, and an account with a local taxi firm to ensure he can be socially mobile. The squirrel's food is seized and re-distributed to the more needy members of society - in this case, the grasshopper.


Without enough money to buy more food, to pay the fine and his newly-imposed retroactive taxes, the squirrel has to downsize and start building a new home. The local authority takes over his old home and utilises it as a temporary home for asylum-seeking cats, which had hijacked a plane to get to Britain as they had to share their country of origin with mice. On arrival, they tried to blow up the airport because of Britain's apparent love of dogs.

The cats had been arrested for the international offence of hijacking and attempt bombing but were immediately released because the police fed them pilchards instead of salmon whilst in custody.

Initial moves to then return them to their own country were abandoned because it was feared they would face death by the mice. The cats devise and start a scam to obtain money from other peoples' credit cards.

A Panorama Special shows the grasshopper finishing up the last of the squirrel's food, though spring is still months away, while the council house he is in, crumbles around him because he hasn't bothered to maintain the house. He is shown to be taking drugs. Inadequate government funding is blamed for the grasshopper's drug 'illness'.

The cats seek recompense in the British courts for their treatment since arrival in UK.

The grasshopper gets arrested for stabbing an old dog during a burglary to get money for his drugs habit. He is imprisoned, but released immediately because he has been in custody for a few weeks. He is placed In the care of the probation service to monitor and supervise him. Within a few weeks, he has killed a guinea pig in a botched robbery. A commission of enquiry, which will eventually cost £10m to state the obvious, is set up.

Additional money is put into funding a drug rehabilitation scheme for grasshoppers, and legal aid for lawyers representing asylum seekers is increased. The asylum-seeking cats are praised by the government for enriching Britain's multicultural diversity, while dogs are criticised by the government for failing to befriend the cats.

The grasshopper dies of a drug overdose. The usual sections of the press blame it on the obvious failure of government to address the root causes of despair arising from social inequity and his traumatic experience of prison.

They call for the resignation of a minister.

The cats are paid £1m each because their rights were infringed when the government failed to inform them there were mice in the United Kingdom.

The squirrel, the dogs, and the victims of the hijacking, the bombing, the burglaries and robberies, all have to pay an additional percentage on their credit cards to cover the losses; their taxes are increased to pay for law and order; and they are told that they will all have to work beyond 65 because of a shortfall in government funds.
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Old Mar 24th 2009, 4:22 pm
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Default Re: The Squirrel & The Grasshopper

The British must be grasshoppers then!

"Be a fool young grasshopper, and you shall get your fill." - Kane from Kung Fu
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Old Mar 24th 2009, 4:24 pm
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Default Re: The Squirrel & The Grasshopper

Good story, mate, lousy moral because so true, but good story!
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Old Mar 24th 2009, 4:30 pm
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Default Re: The Squirrel & The Grasshopper

The story had a sad ending though...due to British political correctness.

The squirrel was so depressed from the continuing harassment by greenies, do-gooders and Ken Livingstone that it took to drinking heavily, became an alcoholic and eventually died...even though it had not done anything wrong


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Old Mar 24th 2009, 4:34 pm
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Default Re: The Squirrel & The Grasshopper

Originally Posted by MacScot View Post
The story had a sad ending though...due to British political correctness.

The squirrel was so depressed from the continuing harassment by greenies, do-gooders and Ken Livingstone that it took to drinking heavily, became an alcoholic and eventually died...even though it had not done anything wrong


http://www.hilarious.net/wp-content/...k-squirrel.jpg
Where can you get a Pilsner in Dubai?
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Old Mar 24th 2009, 4:35 pm
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Default Re: The Squirrel & The Grasshopper

Originally Posted by DaWarrior View Post
Where can you get a Pilsner in Dubai?
In a bar
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Old Mar 24th 2009, 4:36 pm
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Default Re: The Squirrel & The Grasshopper

Originally Posted by MacScot View Post
In a bar
Where do you get grass in Dubai?
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Old Mar 24th 2009, 4:50 pm
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Default Re: The Squirrel & The Grasshopper

Originally Posted by Roadking View Post
Where do you get grass in Dubai?
Mmmm...back streets of Satwa I think !
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Old Mar 24th 2009, 8:11 pm
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Default Re: The Squirrel & The Grasshopper

Originally Posted by MacScot View Post
In a bar
Haven't found one yet...
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Old Mar 24th 2009, 8:12 pm
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Default Re: The Squirrel & The Grasshopper

Originally Posted by Roadking View Post
Where do you get grass in Dubai?
Jumeira 1, 2 and 3
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Old Mar 24th 2009, 8:16 pm
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Default Re: The Squirrel & The Grasshopper

FFS. More Littlejohn than Orwell, I would say.
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Old Mar 25th 2009, 6:11 am
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Default Re: The Squirrel & The Grasshopper

Originally Posted by DaWarrior View Post
Haven't found one yet...
Don't really know...but you could try these...

1897 Bar at the Kempinski Hotel MoE has a lot of imported German beers

Hofbrauhaus Restaurant in the JW Marriott Hotel Dubai
Abu Baker Al Siddique Road, Deira, adjacent to Hamarain Shopping Center


Keine Dosenbier!

Last edited by MacScot; Mar 25th 2009 at 6:23 am. Reason: sp.
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Old Mar 25th 2009, 6:16 am
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Default Re: The Squirrel & The Grasshopper

Originally Posted by MacScot View Post
Don't really know...but you could try these...

1897 Bar at the Kempinski Hotel MoE has 1897 Bar in has a lot of imported geman beers

Hofbrauhous Restaurant in the JW Marriott Hotel Dubai
Abu Baker Al Siddique Road, Deira, adjacent to Hamarain Shopping Center


Keine Dosenbier!
Thanks! I'll check that out mate.
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Old Mar 25th 2009, 7:12 am
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Default Re: The Squirrel & The Grasshopper

Originally Posted by MacScot View Post
Don't really know...but you could try these...

1897 Bar at the Kempinski Hotel MoE has a lot of imported German beers

Hofbrauhaus Restaurant in the JW Marriott Hotel Dubai
Abu Baker Al Siddique Road, Deira, adjacent to Hamarain Shopping Center


Keine Dosenbier!
Isnt there a German beer joint at the Creek Hilton???
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Old Mar 25th 2009, 8:00 am
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Default Re: The Squirrel & The Grasshopper

Originally Posted by TGFKASE View Post
Isnt there a German beer joint at the Creek Hilton???
Don't know...does your online liquor shop sell German beer ?
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