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In other news, the guest and the hose....

In other news, the guest and the hose....

Old Nov 13th 2013, 4:08 am
  #1  
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Default In other news, the guest and the hose....

Sometimes you just couldn't make it up.

Anyone else from Yorkshire?

Metro

Q the jokes....

A hotel guest emerged naked from a storage cupboard of a Premier Inn with a fire extinguisher hose up his bottom.
and

‘Hassan (Nightwatchman) then watched CCTV showing the defendant coming out of a storage cupboard, naked and urinating on the lift door. The defendant could also be seen on CCTV placing a fire extinguisher hose and masturbating at the same time. Hassan called the police.’
and

Joseph Small again urinated in front of tourists, shouting: ‘I come from Sheffield in England.’
Just how pissed do you need to be to do that?
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Old Nov 13th 2013, 4:51 am
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Default Re: In other news, the guest and the hose....

That's 'high jinks'...nothing more

Bloody uptight night watchmen
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Old Nov 13th 2013, 6:06 am
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Default Re: In other news, the guest and the hose....

How about in today's 7 days.

Threatening him and committing an indecent act by shaking his hand in a perverted way.
How crazy is this country? Indecent act by not shaking hands in a manly fashion? Could you really make this up?
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Old Nov 13th 2013, 6:09 am
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Default Re: In other news, the guest and the hose....

Originally Posted by Kix View Post
How about in today's 7 days.



How crazy is this country? Indecent act by not shaking hands in a manly fashion? Could you really make this up?
now, I wouldn't go to the police for it, but I have always totally hated it when someone did that, wtf...
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Old Nov 13th 2013, 6:10 am
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Default Re: In other news, the guest and the hose....

Originally Posted by Kix View Post
How crazy is this country? Indecent act by not shaking hands in a manly fashion? Could you really make this up?
Maybe he was a mason?
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Old Nov 13th 2013, 6:28 am
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Default Re: In other news, the guest and the hose....

And as if by magic, Joe.ie came this little gem.

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Old Nov 13th 2013, 7:35 am
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Default Re: In other news, the guest and the hose....

Originally Posted by MataHari View Post
now, I wouldn't go to the police for it, but I have always totally hated it when someone did that, wtf...
What about if I used my middle finger to rub somewhere else?
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Old Nov 13th 2013, 7:36 am
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Default Re: In other news, the guest and the hose....

Originally Posted by mikewot View Post
Maybe he was a mason?
He didn't have his left nipple out.
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Old Nov 13th 2013, 7:54 am
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Default Re: In other news, the guest and the hose....

Originally Posted by MataHari View Post
now, I wouldn't go to the police for it, but I have always totally hated it when someone did that, wtf...
Do YOU shake hands in a 'manly' fashion?
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Old Nov 13th 2013, 8:04 am
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Default Re: In other news, the guest and the hose....

Originally Posted by The Dean View Post
Do YOU shake hands in a 'manly' fashion?
With myself or with other people?
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Old Nov 13th 2013, 8:11 am
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Default Re: In other news, the guest and the hose....

Shit handshakes are poor but what can you do? Judge someone because of it...I do.
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Old Nov 13th 2013, 8:48 am
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Default Re: In other news, the guest and the hose....

Originally Posted by Scamp View Post
Shit handshakes are poor but what can you do? Judge someone because of it...I do.
There is a cultural difference, though. Asians in particular don't get a firm grasp, but I find that most Arabs have the same concept as us. The new PM for one of our subbies has the limpest, wettest (ugh), most lifeless handshake ever, and although I did my best to give him the benefit of the doubt when first meeting him, his performance has mirrored his handshake precisely.

A question on protocol--if you don't get your hand in fully, so that the other person just ends up holding your fingers, do you pull out and start again, or just live with it? And if you pull out, what do you say? I've tried a simple "Sorry, let's try that again" which seems to be ok.
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Old Nov 13th 2013, 9:13 am
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Default Re: In other news, the guest and the hose....

Originally Posted by Bahtatboy View Post
There is a cultural difference, though. Asians in particular don't get a firm grasp, but I find that most Arabs have the same concept as us. The new PM for one of our subbies has the limpest, wettest (ugh), most lifeless handshake ever, and although I did my best to give him the benefit of the doubt when first meeting him, his performance has mirrored his handshake precisely.

A question on protocol--if you don't get your hand in fully, so that the other person just ends up holding your fingers, do you pull out and start again, or just live with it? And if you pull out, what do you say? I've tried a simple "Sorry, let's try that again" which seems to be ok.
Yeah, I get the Asian handshake, but to me the Indian hold-your-hand-out-with-a-limp-wrist-and-dont-move-it-at-all is utterly pointless.

Depends on who it's with, if it was you I'd say "oh, that was poor, I'll try again". If someone I didn't know I'd just get through the business and make sure the parting handshake is a good solid one.
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Old Nov 13th 2013, 10:02 am
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Default Re: In other news, the guest and the hose....

I prefer to not touch them.
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Old Nov 13th 2013, 10:24 am
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Default Re: In other news, the guest and the hose....

Originally Posted by Millhouse View Post
I prefer to not touch them.
I did a classic not long ago, Indian feller somewhere wanted to shake hands, I went to and then looked at him and said "oh actually, I've just washed my hands" and pulled out the shake.

My intentions were; my hands are still a bit wet and I don't want you to have to wipe your hands on your trousers because I haven't dried mine properly.

My intentions probably looked like: I'm not shaking hands with you, you dirty unwashed peasant.

Oops.
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