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New English Speak/Definitions

New English Speak/Definitions

Old Sep 1st 2013, 6:12 am
  #1  
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Default New English Speak/Definitions

(Shameless copy/paste from elsewhere).

The Washington Post's Mensa Invitational once again invited readers to take any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting, or changing one letter, and supply a new definition.

Here are the winners:
1. Cashtration (n.): The act of buying a house, which renders the subject financially impotent for an indefinite period of time.
2. Ignoranus: A person who's both stupid and an asshole.
3. Intaxication: Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts until you realise it was your money to start with.
4. Reintarnation: Coming back to life as a hillbilly.
5. Bozone ( n.): The substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright ideas from penetrating the bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign of breaking down in the near future.
6. Foreploy: Any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of getting laid.
7. Giraffiti: Vandalism spray-painted very, very high.
8. Sarchasm: The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn't get it.
9. Inoculatte: To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.
10. Osteopornosis: A degenerate disease. (This one got extra credit.)
11. Karmageddon: It's like, when everybody is sending off all these really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it's like, a serious bummer.
12. Decafalon (n.): The grueling event of getting through the day consuming only things that are good for you.
13. Glibido: All talk and no action.
14. Dopeler Effect: The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly.
15. Arachnoleptic Fit (n.): The frantic dance performed just after you've accidentally walked through a spider web.
16. Beelzebug (n.): Satan in the form of a mosquito, that gets into your bedroom at three in
the morning and cannot be cast out.
17. Caterpallor ( n.): The color you turn after finding half a worm in the fruit you're eating.


The Washington Post has also published the winning submissions to its yearly contest, in which readers are asked to supply alternate meanings for common words.

And the winners are:

1. Coffee, n. The person upon whom one coughs.
2. Flabbergasted, adj. Appalled by discovering how much weight one has gained.
3. Abdicate, v. To give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.
4. Esplanade, v. To attempt an explanation while drunk.
5. Willy-nilly, adj. Impotent.
6. Negligent, adj. Absentmindedly answering the door when wearing only a nightgown.
7. Lymph, v. To walk with a lisp.
8. Gargoyle, n. Olive-flavored mouthwash.
9. Flatulence, n. Emergency vehicle that picks up someone who has been run over by a steamroller.
10. Balderdash, n. A rapidly receding hairline.
11. Testicle, n. A humorous question on an exam.
12. Rectitude, n. The formal, dignified bearing adopted by proctologists.
13. Pokemon, n. A Rastafarian proctologist.
14. Oyster, n. A person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddishisms.
15. Frisbeetarianism, n. The belief that, after death, the soul flies up onto the roof and gets stuck there.
16. Circumvent, n. An opening in the front of boxer shorts worn by Jewish men.

I liked #8, Sarchasm.
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Old Sep 1st 2013, 7:37 am
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Default Re: New English Speak/Definitions

I like it. Puts me in mind of I'm Sorry I Haven't a Clue on BBC Radio 4. They do that sort of thing every show.
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Old Sep 1st 2013, 7:44 am
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Default Re: New English Speak/Definitions

On a slightly similar point, I'm chatting with a petrologist friend of mine and she's just informed me there's a mineral called "Cummingtonite", named after the Massachusetts' town where it was first found - Cummington.

Well I never.

Edited cos I can't read.

Last edited by Kix; Sep 1st 2013 at 8:22 am.
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Old Sep 1st 2013, 8:14 am
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Default Re: New English Speak/Definitions

Originally Posted by Kix View Post
On a slightly similar point, I'm chatting with a petrologist friend of mine and she's just informed me there's a mineral called "Cummingtonite", named after the New Zealand town where it was first found - Cummington.

Well I never.

Excellent!
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Old Sep 1st 2013, 8:14 am
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Default Re: New English Speak/Definitions

Originally Posted by Kix View Post
On a slightly similar point, I'm chatting with a petrologist friend of mine and she's just informed me there's a mineral called "Cummingtonite", named after the New Zealand town where it was first found - Cummington.

Well I never.
Got that a bit wrong, Cummington isn't in New Zealand.

<Cummingtonite was first discovered in 1824 near the town of Cummington, Massachusetts, and it is from this town that the mineral takes its name.[1][2] It is also found in Sweden, South Africa, Scotland, and New Zealand.>

From the Wikipedia article you quoted..
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Old Sep 1st 2013, 8:22 am
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Default Re: New English Speak/Definitions

^^^^^

Sorry yes, was getting mixed up. Don't beat me up too hard!
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Old Sep 1st 2013, 10:32 am
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Default Re: New English Speak/Definitions

14. Oyster, n. A person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddishisms
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Old Sep 2nd 2013, 7:04 am
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Default Re: New English Speak/Definitions

I'm sure the fail must read this bored as this little gem popped up today.



So true.
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Old Sep 2nd 2013, 7:33 am
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Default Re: New English Speak/Definitions

Originally Posted by Kix View Post
^^^^^

Sorry yes, was getting mixed up. Don't beat me up too hard!
wouldn't do that.. I know you like it..
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