Need to be Scottish

Old Dec 20th 2007, 3:54 am
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Default Need to be Scottish



A Glasgow woman goes to the dentist and settles down in the chair. "Comfy?" asks the dentist.
"Govan," she replies.

What did the Siamese twins from Glasgow call their autobiography? Oor Wullie.

A guy walks into an antiques shop and says: "How much for the set of antlers?"
"Two hundred quid," says the bloke behind the counter.
"That's affa deer," says the guy.

Did you hear about the fella who liked eating bricks and cement? He's awa' noo.

After announcing he's getting married, a boy tells his pal he'll be wearing the kilt. "And what's the tartan?" asks his mate. "Oh, she'll be wearing a white dress," he replies.

What do you call a pigeon that goes to Aviemore for its holidays? A skean dhu.

How many Spanish guys does it take to change a lightbulb? Just Juan.

A man takes a pair of shoes back to the shop and complains that there is a lace missing.
"No," argues the assistant, "look at the label - it says Taiwan ."

What's the difference between The Rolling Stones and an Aberdeen sheep farmer? The Rolling Stones say: "Hey you, get off of my cloud." And an Aberdeen sheep farmer says: "Hey McLeod, get off of ma ewe."

What do you call an illegitimate Scottish insect? A wee fly b*****d.

What about the Scotsman who lost his testicles in a motorcycle accident? The surgeon re-attached them with Bostik.

While being interviewed for a job as a bus driver, a guy is asked: "What would you do if you had a rowdy passenger?"
"I'd put him off at the next stop," he says.
"Good. And what would you do if you couldn't get the fare?"
"I'd take the first two weeks in August," he replies.

Two negatives make a positive but only in Scotland do two positives make a negative - "Aye right."

A Glasgow man - steaming and skint - is walking down Argyle Street when he spots a guy tinkering with the engine of his car. "What's up, Jimmy?" he asks. "Piston broke," he replies. "Aye, same as masel..."
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Old Dec 20th 2007, 4:25 am
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Default Re: Need to be Scottish

Don't let AA see this...
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Old Dec 20th 2007, 4:29 am
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Default Re: Need to be Scottish

Originally Posted by Confucius View Post
Don't let AA see this...

Okay
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Old Dec 20th 2007, 7:56 pm
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Default Re: Need to be Scottish

Originally Posted by Paidtoplease View Post
Okay

seen it on another site
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Old Dec 20th 2007, 8:09 pm
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Default Re: Need to be Scottish

Originally Posted by arbroath_abroad View Post
seen it on another site
I saw it on www.scotsjustarenotfunny.com

Having to 'write in a foreign accent' is the last refuge of the unfunny.

P2P - shame on you. Such a nice girl too....... used to work at Luton airport you know............
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Old Dec 21st 2007, 5:59 pm
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Default Re: Need to be Scottish

A Glasgow man - steaming and skint - is walking down Argyle Street when he spots a guy tinkering with the engine of his car. "What's up, Jimmy?" he asks. "Piston broke," he replies. "Aye, same as masel..."

That was actually quite funny...
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Old Dec 21st 2007, 6:01 pm
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Default Re: Need to be Scottish

[QUOTE=The Dean;5689979]
Having to 'write in a foreign accent' is the last refuge of the unfunny.
QUOTE]

As is having an ironic avatar I guess.... *waves*
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Old Dec 21st 2007, 6:14 pm
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Default Re: Need to be Scottish

[QUOTE=Autonomy;5693118]
Originally Posted by The Dean View Post
Having to 'write in a foreign accent' is the last refuge of the unfunny.
QUOTE]

As is having an ironic avatar I guess.... *waves*


HAAHAHA-Sorry Dean, Auto is funny on this.


Bugger...confused myself now....oh yeh

L : Laughing(hand up to mouth) R: Waving
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