Rosemary

Hi Scamp

Sorry to hear of your loss. I am a bereavement counsellor so have dealt with this situation so many times and there is no real answer because each person grieves in a different way so what is essential for one may be the last thing another person wants. Staying in close contact is the best thing that you can do, if your dad says that he is fine ask him to define fine. Make sure that you remember things such as anniversaries as this will be extra painful for him. Talk to him about her if that is what he is comfortable with but do not pressurise him into making too many decisions because he is not capable of this at the moment due to his mind being fogged up with grief. Basically you being there and caring is what will be important for him.

On a personal note I lost my husband two years ago and none of my counsellor training helped me at all but one of my daughters and I started to send an e-mail every day saying what we had been up to etc. She does not intrude but is supportive and I can say what I like to her, sometimes she says that she does not know how to react as she does not really know how I feel and can only guess but it is really important for me to know that she is there and thinking about me.

Another thing that might help is to ask your dad questions, not just about how he is as he will not always answer that successfully but ask for his advice on things. It does not really matter what these things are but the fact that you are asking for his input because one of the things that he might miss is your step mum asking his opinion on things. Talk about everyday things, do not avoid talking about his bereavement but do not overly dwell on it either, it is a difficult balancing act but you will become quite good at it as time passes.

Rosemary

scrubbedexpat141

Thanks all. Useful stuff and will read again and again.

He's planning to come September and I've got enough holiday to go to him, suggested late October. Xmas we had planned a big family time in the UK, he's paid for the house already so we'll be doing that regardless.

I sent him a long email earlier just a collection of thoughts and thanks from the week I was back. Got plenty to talk about now I'm back with the car breaking today (****ing typical), him sorting other bits etc.

I'll call him tonight after Saints have likely lost to discuss that, I just focus conversations on other things, what's he doing, football, cricket, work, inane shite so we just keep talking.

scot47

Spend time with him - if not in person, then on the phone or whatever.