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-   -   Leaving your loved ones. (https://britishexpats.com/forum/sand-pit-116/leaving-your-loved-ones-638829/)

Amnesia180 Nov 3rd 2009 11:24 am

Leaving your loved ones.
 
Hi all,

I've got to ask this question, because there have been some changes with my position in Abu Dhabi. It's going to happen later than I expected.

Anyway, for anyone who was/is in a relationship and you didn't take your partner with you, how did you cope?

I've been dwelling on the thought of leaving her, and it's starting to play on my mind somewhat.

Just curious to see how you all cope :)

benzonar Nov 3rd 2009 12:45 pm

Re: Leaving your loved ones.
 

Originally Posted by Amnesia180 (Post 8067096)
Hi all,

I've got to ask this question, because there have been some changes with my position in Abu Dhabi. It's going to happen later than I expected.

Anyway, for anyone who was/is in a relationship and you didn't take your partner with you, how did you cope?

I've been dwelling on the thought of leaving her, and it's starting to play on my mind somewhat.

Just curious to see how you all cope :)

I normally opt for a chinese takeaway.

kittycat1 Nov 3rd 2009 4:34 pm

Re: Leaving your loved ones.
 
Hi Amnesia,

Ok this isn't quite the same, but i met a guy about 3 months before i moved out here ( typical been single for years and literally met him the week i was offered the job out here) anyway I was thinking I'd just have abit of fun but ended up proper dating, I wouldnt say I was all loved up but I was very fond of him. Anyway I am not the sort of girl to pine for a guy at home ( did long distance at uni and it isnt easy), so when he asked if I want to try the long distance thing I said no, been there, done that before and really not for me. So we said goodbye and I've not been in touch with him since. I can't imagine being here and missing a partner at home, I know a lot of people do it but for me I would rather be here able to enjoy it here, rather than sobbing myself to sleep over someone who is 6000 miles away. If I felt like i could happily be away from them then to me that would suggest that I could be away from them full stop.

Also a huge ammount of trust is needed for the long distance thing and you can't be at all possessive or jealous as arguing about who she/you have been out with etc ain't much fun for either of you!

It all depends how much you want to make it work really, and if you have any doubts id say cut the cord as youll only regret it two years down the line when you finally decide to break it off and you think of all the fun you could have been having here without the tie of a girlfriend.

I'd dump her just before you come out here so you can still get your rocks off right up until you fly out ;););)

xxx

Roadking Nov 3rd 2009 5:40 pm

Re: Leaving your loved ones.
 

Originally Posted by kittycat1 (Post 8067963)
I'd dump her just before you come out here so you can still get your rocks off right up until you fly out ;););)

xxx

:rofl::rofl::rofl::thumbup:

klaus3974 Nov 4th 2009 3:04 am

Re: Leaving your loved ones.
 

Originally Posted by Amnesia180 (Post 8067096)
Hi all,

I've got to ask this question, because there have been some changes with my position in Abu Dhabi. It's going to happen later than I expected.

Anyway, for anyone who was/is in a relationship and you didn't take your partner with you, how did you cope?

I've been dwelling on the thought of leaving her, and it's starting to play on my mind somewhat.

Just curious to see how you all cope :)

We lived one year away. I was in the US and she was in Europe. I visited her once a month. We talked a lot on the phone and on the chat. It was very hard for me, and not that bad for her. It depends on your personality. I will not do it again.

If (big IF) you can go throught it succesfully, the relationship gets stronger.

mrskpd Nov 4th 2009 3:32 am

Re: Leaving your loved ones.
 
My husband and I have been together five years and been living together since practically day one. We moved out to Dubai a year ago as I was offered a job to good to refuse. Unfortunately he was unable to find work out here, not through lack of trying. Last month, he was finally offered a job that was to good to refuse - in Afghanistan. After much weighing up the options we decided he should take it and we will try to stick it out for a year. If we can, our combined incomes during that 12 months should set us up for life.

He's only been gone 3 weeks. Thus far, I'm finding it difficult adjusting to a new life as we have never been apart for more than a few days. The biggest worry for me is loosing the connection that we have in our day to day lives so we are making a real effort to communicate every day. Keeping busy is good and I'm lucking that I have a good network of friends here to keep me company plus a masters degree to study for.

It all depends on your situation and the personalities of the individuals involved. I think we will make it through just fine but I'm not sure that we will manage to last 12 months. Certainly no longer. I personally didn't get married so that I could spend my life alone, but we are hoping that short term pain will bring long term gain.

Hope that helps!!

Inselaffen Nov 4th 2009 4:06 am

Re: Leaving your loved ones.
 
when I lost my job in May had to face the possibility of being separated from my wife for some time whilst trying to sort out a UK Visa for her. Made the whole situation feel a lot worse. luckily I managed to find another job here (Singapore) so that didnt happen.

commander Nov 4th 2009 5:45 am

Re: Leaving your loved ones.
 
spending a bit of time apart does a relationship no harm in my opinion.

Saying that, i have always worked away a lot so we know no different.

Nic1 Nov 4th 2009 6:00 am

Re: Leaving your loved ones.
 
Kids and I are in Cyprus, husband is in Riyadh - he comes over as and when he can. It's tough for both, I'm basically a single mum with two teenagers and he's stuck in Riyadh . . . However, it's the best option for us just now. We talk every day on MSN or Skype, we text during the day, kids talk to him at least once a day. Keeping the communication going is the most important thing I think. He has always travelled and the kids say it's like being back in Dubai when he was away so much.

There are a lot of people in this region who are in similar situations - for some it works, for others it doesn't.

N

Timmy Molloy - London Boy Nov 4th 2009 6:48 am

Re: Leaving your loved ones.
 

Originally Posted by Amnesia180 (Post 8067096)
Hi all,

I've got to ask this question, because there have been some changes with my position in Abu Dhabi. It's going to happen later than I expected.

Anyway, for anyone who was/is in a relationship and you didn't take your partner with you, how did you cope?

I've been dwelling on the thought of leaving her, and it's starting to play on my mind somewhat.

Just curious to see how you all cope :)


My move over here broke the relationship. And, after a period of not being in touch I made the mistake of hooking up with her when I went back to the smoke a couple of months ago - which was stupid, cos had to do the break up all over again.

Love 'em and leave 'em..., it's the only way!

lionheart Nov 4th 2009 6:50 am

Re: Leaving your loved ones.
 
Shadya and I got married in Kenya in June 2002 but it took until October before she was able to get the necessary visa to join me in Jeddah, where I was working at the time. Four months apart was bearable, but much longer and it could have been a problem.

Hello.Kitty Nov 4th 2009 7:17 am

Re: Leaving your loved ones.
 
Mr Kitty and I have been together for over 10 years and up until this year, hadn't spend more than a few weeks apart. Job uncertainty and a good few other factors meant that I went back to the UK with our daughter for 6 months over the summer. Mr Kitty would come over for a long weekend every month, but we'd chat and video-call every day.

I think the danger is that you start living separate lives (which any couple does to a certain extent anyway), so the trick is to just keep talking and making your time together really count. We'd have Skype on in the background of an evening so that while we were both doing our own thing, we could still just burst into conversation whenever we felt like it - just like "normal".

There is a certain amount of "re-education" needed at the end of the stint though... you have to readjust to dealing with things not done the way you'd do them! Moihahahahaahahaha!

Anyhow, I think it boils down to how much you want to keep the relationship going. If you're talking about a current GF that you're not considering for [cough] "promotion", then it's maybe not worth carrying on with... but it's your call.

That's "your" plural, btw...

Nic1 Nov 4th 2009 8:10 am

Re: Leaving your loved ones.
 
we play family trivial pursuit over the webcam, and scrabble too. We drink wine 'together', eat at the same time sometimes, chat, etc. Like you Kitty we often just have it on and are doing other stuff, one of the kids might talk to him, then me we pop on and off throughout the evening.

Many, many forces families live apart for long periods of time without the use of webcams etc. and they manage and stay together.

But I do think it's harder in the early stages of a relationship - depends on how committed you are to that person I guess. Hard decision.

N

Millhouse Nov 4th 2009 9:08 am

Re: Leaving your loved ones.
 

Originally Posted by Nic1 (Post 8069808)
we play family trivial pursuit over the webcam, and scrabble too.
N

Do you play strip poker too?

actually a very good idea. for what it is worth, the wifeo goes away for 4 weeks in the summer, ok we are not talking months. We speak every day and try and get the camera on as much as possible.

No scrabble or strip poker though :(

Hello.Kitty Nov 4th 2009 9:15 am

Re: Leaving your loved ones.
 
Our classic was "row, row, row your boat" with Miss Kitty "holding hands" with Daddy. Only one person can sing at a time though, cos there's about a 2 second delay, which makes things sound even worse than usual.


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