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Laura Hall
http://www.metro.co.uk/tv/reviews/85...mately-hopeful
Watched this last night, very interesting. What I don't understand is this 21 year old has no job yet she holidays in Cyprus, is out on the lash all the time, where does the money come from? Her parents must have been subsidising her lifestyle. |
Re: Laura Hall
so what are parents supposed to do in a case like this...just tell her to fck off and let her find her own way...she may have turned to prostitution to get money, don't think it's easy to find a regular job when you're drinking all the time...yeah, they should have done something before it got out of hand but these things often build up slowly over time and the whole binge drinking seems to be sort of accepted in certain circles as a part of teenagers lives and when it becomes a problem, in a way it's already too late to just say love, drink a little less this weekend....
Think it's every easy to pass judgment in cases like this, friends of ours just lost their son to an overdosis of drugs, they did everything they could to support him but still failed. Obviously I've not seen this documentary but it must be one of the biggest nightmares for parents to have a child that is addicted to drugs or alcohol. |
Re: Laura Hall
Actually I know only too well about alcohol addiction and what effects it has on families, hence my interest in this documentary. There is supporting your child through addiction by subsidising their habit, however paying for holidays and giving large amounts of spending money isn't really going to help the situation is it?
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Re: Laura Hall
Originally Posted by Blue Cat
(Post 9129387)
Actually I know only too well about alcohol addiction and what effects it has on families, hence my interest in this documentary. There is supporting your child through addiction by subsidising their habit, however paying for holidays and giving large amounts of spending money isn't really going to help the situation is it?
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Re: Laura Hall
My 18 year-old son started university last September, 200 miles from home. He seems to be struggling to make ends meet on 350 quid a month (on top of his rent), and I'm pretty sure most is going on booze. He says he only goes out a couple of times a week, but our younger son (who has access to his Facebook page, which I don't--and don't want) reckons he's out virtually every night. Certainly when he was home over Christmas he was out with his friends nearly every night, and came home pissed nearly every night. 'Er in doors is severely worried, I tend to be of the opinion a) its pretty much in line with what many students do and he'll probably calm down, and b) there's bugger all we can do about it. He may well listen to me if I give him a stern talk, though; he'll be asking for an increase in his allowance when I'm back home next month, which he won't get unless he can justify it ("beer's so expensive" won't hack it).
Any suggestions? |
Re: Laura Hall
Originally Posted by Bahtatboy
(Post 9129409)
My 18 year-old son started university last September, 200 miles from home. He seems to be struggling to make ends meet on 350 quid a month (on top of his rent), and I'm pretty sure most is going on booze. He says he only goes out a couple of times a week, but our younger son (who has access to his Facebook page, which I don't--and don't want) reckons he's out virtually every night. Certainly when he was home over Christmas he was out with his friends nearly every night, and came home pissed nearly every night. 'Er in doors is severely worried, I tend to be of the opinion a) its pretty much in line with what many students do and he'll probably calm down, and b) there's bugger all we can do about it. He may well listen to me if I give him a stern talk, though; he'll be asking for an increase in his allowance when I'm back home next month, which he won't get unless he can justify it ("beer's so expensive" won't hack it).
Any suggestions? |
Re: Laura Hall
I wouldn't increase his allowance but I'd tell him that any increase for the upcoming year would be tied to his academic performance. If he does well in his courses he gets a bonus.
Of course if he wants to perform well he can't be drinking heavily every night. Does he smoke? A fag habit is very expensive in the UK. I was never much of a heavy drinker at university and American students generally do not drink as much as their British counterparts. People got plastered on the weekends but going out and drinking regularly during the week was fairly rare. I'd talk to my old school classmates at various UK universities on AIM during the week and they'd just be coming in from a night of drinking when I was about to go to the library. But there were times when I was spending too much money eating out, weekend trips and so forth. My parents refused to increase the allowance and I ended up taking a part time campus job for a while. I learned how to truly survive on a budget, manage my expectations, determine what's genuinely worth the money and what wasn't and how to still have a good time on a small budget. It wasn't always easy but in the long run it very much benefited me.
Originally Posted by Bahtatboy
(Post 9129409)
My 18 year-old son started university last September, 200 miles from home. He seems to be struggling to make ends meet on 350 quid a month (on top of his rent), and I'm pretty sure most is going on booze. He says he only goes out a couple of times a week, but our younger son (who has access to his Facebook page, which I don't--and don't want) reckons he's out virtually every night. Certainly when he was home over Christmas he was out with his friends nearly every night, and came home pissed nearly every night. 'Er in doors is severely worried, I tend to be of the opinion a) its pretty much in line with what many students do and he'll probably calm down, and b) there's bugger all we can do about it. He may well listen to me if I give him a stern talk, though; he'll be asking for an increase in his allowance when I'm back home next month, which he won't get unless he can justify it ("beer's so expensive" won't hack it).
Any suggestions? |
Re: Laura Hall
He probably doesn't see his drinking as a problem as he's in an environment that encourages social drinking and there will be people around him up for a night out at all times. If you tell him you don't want him to spend the extra money on drinks, I am sure he will come up with other reasons as to why he needs extra money and as soon as you transfer it into his account you've lost control and he can do with it what he likes...
The problem is that if he's really in need of more drinks he may try and find other ways to get the money for it. My friends did the whole not giving cash and instead buying actuall stuff that he said he needed, but of course the son then started selling those items and at a later stage taking things from his parents home and he ended up doing 'petty' crimes to get money for his addiction, but obviously he was a servere case! It's very hard to reason with teenagers, they think they know best and a lot of what you try and tell them as parents is just shrugged aside which is very frustrating, I know cause I've got a couple of them at home! I'd also suggest he'd find a job so he can pay his extras (whatever they may be) out of his own pocket...he needs to know that there isn't an endless supply of money from mum and dad. Good luck! |
Re: Laura Hall
Originally Posted by Bahtatboy
(Post 9129409)
My 18 year-old son started university last September, 200 miles from home. He seems to be struggling to make ends meet on 350 quid a month (on top of his rent), and I'm pretty sure most is going on booze. He says he only goes out a couple of times a week, but our younger son (who has access to his Facebook page, which I don't--and don't want) reckons he's out virtually every night. Certainly when he was home over Christmas he was out with his friends nearly every night, and came home pissed nearly every night. 'Er in doors is severely worried, I tend to be of the opinion a) its pretty much in line with what many students do and he'll probably calm down, and b) there's bugger all we can do about it. He may well listen to me if I give him a stern talk, though; he'll be asking for an increase in his allowance when I'm back home next month, which he won't get unless he can justify it ("beer's so expensive" won't hack it).
Any suggestions? My parents covered everything apart from going out money... I was in Halls for 3 years and so this was quite easy for them as food was billed by the college on top of the rent. The sponsorship money covered the beer and sundries - which was no more than 50quid / week. I would go out a few times a week... although I was dating the college barmaid so had lower bar bills than most :) I reckon he should submit his tesco receipts... He will still try and screw you and pay for his mates' food and get cash back off them. |
Re: Laura Hall
Originally Posted by EmiratesMillhouse
(Post 9129463)
350/ week. Jesus.
My parents covered everything apart from going out money... I was in Halls for 3 years and so this was quite easy for them as food was billed by the college on top of the rent. The sponsorship money covered the beer and sundries - which was no more than 50quid / week. I would go out a few times a week... although I was dating the college barmaid so had lower bar bills than most :) I reckon he should submit his tesco receipts... He will still try and screw you and pay for his mates' food and get cash back off them. |
Re: Laura Hall
Originally Posted by EmiratesMillhouse
(Post 9129463)
350/ week. Jesus.
My parents covered everything apart from going out money... I was in Halls for 3 years and so this was quite easy for them as food was billed by the college on top of the rent. The sponsorship money covered the beer and sundries - which was no more than 50quid / week. I would go out a few times a week... although I was dating the college barmaid so had lower bar bills than most :) I reckon he should submit his tesco receipts... He will still try and screw you and pay for his mates' food and get cash back off them. He's talking of getting a part-time job to get some more money; that's a double-edged sword, too: I fail to see why he should have more spending money than me (almost), my wife and I both had part-time jobs at uni (mine to fund the boozing, it must be said), earning will make him value the money more (perhaps, and anyway he's done that for the last couple of year), but on the other hand even though he's at a top uni given the economic climate he needs to come out with a 2:1 at least, and a part-time job may jeopardise that. I can't stop him taking the job, but regardless I'm going to demand a breakdown of his spending next month purely to see if the current 350 is justified, let alone an increase. Thanks everyone for all the input so far.:) |
Re: Laura Hall
Originally Posted by Bahtatboy
(Post 9129680)
350 a month, in London. Before he went he was determined to be financially independent, but that notion didn't last long.
He's talking of getting a part-time job to get some more money; that's a double-edged sword, too: I fail to see why he should have more spending money than me (almost), my wife and I both had part-time jobs at uni (mine to fund the boozing, it must be said), earning will make him value the money more (perhaps, and anyway he's done that for the last couple of year), but on the other hand even though he's at a top uni given the economic climate he needs to come out with a 2:1 at least, and a part-time job may jeopardise that. I can't stop him taking the job, but regardless I'm going to demand a breakdown of his spending next month purely to see if the current 350 is justified, let alone an increase. Thanks everyone for all the input so far.:) |
Re: Laura Hall
Originally Posted by EmiratesMillhouse
(Post 9129695)
350 / month isn't wholly unreasonable in my view... 3 quid a pint, 20 quid haircuts, 5 quid for kebabs, London is expensive.
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Re: Laura Hall
I was in London over the holidays and I noticed that I was spending, on average, four pounds for a pint of something decent.
Let's say your son drinks twice during the week and has two pints each time. That's 16 pounds. Let's say he goes out Saturday night and has four drinks during the course of the evening. That's 16 pounds. 32 pounds altogether. Multiply by four weeks = 128 pounds a month. Just for fairly normal socialising. London is shockingly expensive, especially for students. He probably has an oyster card? At Durham or Edinburgh he'd rarely use public transit but in London he probably uses the bus/tube all the time. I was in London for four days and used up twenty pounds on the Oyster Card. Double check that he has a student discount. Eating out? Pret is cheap but even lunch will run you between 5-10 quid. Indian buffet is eight quid at a cheap place. Can of coke is a quid or close to it at most shops. A proper sit down place will be anywhere from 15-25 pounds, and going up from there. A coffee from Costa is three quid. If he has a cappucino a day habit like mine, that's 21 pounds just for the morning coffee. Marlbs are 7 quid a pack. While Baht junior is probably bingeing nightly he is in London and not a boring provincial city and that needs to be taken in account for his budget. Your son's a bright chap so tell him to write down every single expense for a month and see how it all adds up. I do that once in a while and I'm always surprised by how much money disappears on the little items.
Originally Posted by Bahtatboy
(Post 9129680)
350 a month, in London. Before he went he was determined to be financially independent, but that notion didn't last long.
He's talking of getting a part-time job to get some more money; that's a double-edged sword, too: I fail to see why he should have more spending money than me (almost), my wife and I both had part-time jobs at uni (mine to fund the boozing, it must be said), earning will make him value the money more (perhaps, and anyway he's done that for the last couple of year), but on the other hand even though he's at a top uni given the economic climate he needs to come out with a 2:1 at least, and a part-time job may jeopardise that. I can't stop him taking the job, but regardless I'm going to demand a breakdown of his spending next month purely to see if the current 350 is justified, let alone an increase. Thanks everyone for all the input so far.:) |
Re: Laura Hall
Originally Posted by Ethos83
(Post 9129719)
I was in London over the holidays and I noticed that I was spending, on average, four pounds for a pint of something decent.
Let's say your son drinks twice during the week and has two pints each time. That's 16 pounds. Let's say he goes out Saturday night and has four drinks during the course of the evening. That's 16 pounds. 32 pounds altogether. Multiply by four weeks = 128 pounds a month. Just for fairly normal socialising. London is shockingly expensive, especially for students. He probably has an oyster card? At Durham or Edinburgh he'd rarely use public transit but in London he probably uses the bus/tube all the time. I was in London for four days and used up twenty pounds on the Oyster Card. Double check that he has a student discount. Eating out? Pret is cheap but even lunch will run you between 5-10 quid. Indian buffet is eight quid at a cheap place. Can of coke is a quid or close to it at most shops. A proper sit down place will be anywhere from 15-25 pounds, and going up from there. A coffee from Costa is three quid. If he has a cappucino a day habit like mine, that's 21 pounds just for the morning coffee. While Baht junior is probably bingeing nightly he is in London and not a boring provincial city and that needs to be taken in account for his budget. Your son's a bright chap so tell him to write down every single expense for a month and see how it all adds up. |
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