BangleMan

Russell Brand's weekly coulmn in one of the UK broadsheets re the Kaka potential transfer

Player values are meaningless as long as Manchester City keep offering wads of cash – vital organs, on the other hand...Mark Hughes may need to take drastic measures to exert his authority in future transfers.

I gather some people are becoming disillusioned with football – it's the sort of thing that's incessantly reported, the game's lost its head its heart its soul, its balls – but the rejection of the game, and it's perceived descent into the tactically unethical and the financially inconceivable, becomes their relationship with it. I've experienced it among my friends: "its all bollocks" they say, the players don't care, "there's too much money" – citing the example of Kaka and his potential £100m move.

I've always enjoyed the glamour of transfer sagas and the seedy mirth of decadent purchase. When Ruud Gullit was the most pricey player on the planet, I was titillated by the expense, his hair and his moustache. I imagined myself the guest of Berlusconi at an AC Milan dinner and dance, craning in to coach Arrigo Sacchi like a tipsy diplomat and complimenting him on his purchase like it were a giraffe from an Egyptian prince – "this Gullit gentleman is a dream – do you know where I could acquire one? In blonde?"

Even as we decry football we continue to bond with it through damnation. £100m for Kaka is a lot, but the time where reason could be applied to these figures has long expired – perhaps it was when Greavsie joined Spurs from Milan for ninety-nine thousand-nine-hundred and ninety-nine pounds that lunacy began to take hold. Applying such brinkmanship to avoid making Jimmy Greaves the world's first £100,000 player seems a bit obsessive – like Greavsie was petrol from a pump and they had to nervously trigger out the last few pennies in jittery spurts. The money in football has gone beyond arithmetic, I just see shapes; £100m, £200m, a trillion? Until deals are done in board members' vital organs, I will regard these figures as a meaningless hieroglyphic blur.

Mark Hughes, nominally Manchester City's manager, is keen to be seen as the puppeteer behind all this flamboyance – perhaps he should hurl his pancreas in with the bid, or a testicle, then his authority would be impossible to dispute. Must I, like John the Baptist, be the lone wailing voice shrilly observing that Kaka's name is Latin for whoopsie? Does that not affect his value? Does no one mind that it's not even his real name, so he has voluntarily affiliated himself with this infantile cuss?

His real name is Ricky, which is a cheeky, lovable handle which Kaka cast aside only to masquerade behind a childish expletive. He could've had any nickname but he stuck with Kaka. Naturally he had to choose one, evidently they are mandatory in Brazil, Pele, Dr Socrates, Little bird, Dozy, Chipstick, Zico … what on earth is going on? Never mind all this money being slung about while we stare into the abyss, why are these ludicrous monikers being so profligately spilt in the land of the samba? Let Manchester City fund the research into this phenomenon.

BangleMan

LH & Spugsy.......have a look at the league table just now boys and see the team in 8th....not bad for a club supposedly in crisis....

Shadya

Let's review the situation in May and I bet West ham will be in the bottom six.

BangleMan

ha ha....I will bet you AED 5000 we arent.....and will finish above City and Newcastle

Spugsy

there's a lot to play for mate.

The Dean

Bottom five all on 21 points............ six points cover the bottom twelve clubs.......

They got a decent point today but I still wouldn't want to be a Pompey fan for the next four months.............

........... and with so many of the teams still to play each other, and therefore reducing the possible number they can all get, it seems likely that they won't need a particularly high points total to survive. 40 points will escape the bottom six, probably..............

Time to stick our necks out and name our three to go down.............

Stoke City, WBA and Sunderland for me, with Portsmouth slipping close and Hull being dragged into trouble but escaping narrowly........... Blackburn the surprise team in the second half of the season, finishing comfortably halfway-ish...........

There you go..................

bimcnorth

It´s good that none of you are in football management , the reason this bid is being made is surly not only for footballing purposes, it´s a statement of intent without doubt.
It also puts a question mark on the visits to Abu Dhabi by Bosco Leite starting in the autumn last year..

But back to money matters, huge stars are cheaper than ordinary players in the long run because they build the brand, they attract huge sponsorship deals and sell merchandise.
As for Kaka his personal terms are already agreed but he haven´t signed anything yet. He wants "assurances" that City will join the big boys before he commits himself..Probably wants a get out clause as well.

lionheart

How much to finish above Man City? My prediction to join the relegation battle yet are currently in 9th place or thereabouts is...Fulham. Watch out for M'boro too, they seem to be motoring downhill faster than Speedy Gonzalez.

Simao

Kaka would be a hit for City if he signed (which I hope he doesn't). Suggesting that Gerrard can be a better player than Kaka for ManCity is just ridiculous. Gerrard is only good when he is the true undisputed leader of the team which is Liverpool and that is why you see him fail when representing England because there are many other stars that might outshine him like Rooney, Becks or even Lampard. Seriously look at Liverpool's players, the only player worth mentioning that might stand a chance against Gerrard's influence on the team is Torres, the others are easily replaceable.

If Gerrard moved to City he will have so many stars surrounding him and for that he'll have the same under-par performance that he has when playing for England again.

Bottom line, I think Kaka is better because he can adopt with changing teams and players.

Spugsy

we'll be down there unless we sign a few quality players, we're really shite, as much as it pains me to say it.

Spugsy

I love speedy gonzales.

BangleMan

what a pile of crap you have just written.....

Surrounded by stars at Man City ??? Are you sniffing glue ?.....Who are Man City's stars ? Presumably you mean 'Robinho' who is an over priced, over rated Brazillian lightweight ...so dont make me laugh

Even assuming you consider him a 'star' who else is there ?......Hart, Dunne, Vassell, Ireland, and other non entities I cant even remember....

Oh yeah, Gerrard would be in total awe of those guys for sure... !

BangleMan

My tip for the relegation places are: Stoke, West Brom and Middlesboro

My wish list is something entirely different...

lionheart

So you are not going to put your money where your big mouth is and wager that your beloved West Ham will finish the season above Man City...even if we don't buy Kaka?

BangleMan

I had a bet with your missus....thought it was a family thing.....we'll finish above City for sure.....with Kak or without him, and fingers crossed Bellend breaks his leg in his first game, or at the very least one of his very dodgy hamstrings goes pop.....

All WHU fans are peeing themselves laughing at your mob paying 14million for a soon to be 30 year old, who has scored 7 goals and played 22 full games in 2 years and who we paid 7million for.....and a special thanks to 'Arry and Tottenscum for bidding his price up from the originally offered 6million.....Happy Days indeed, you are very welcome to the mouthy little Welsh twat...