British Expats - The International Council of Manlaws

> 1: Under no circumstances may two men share an umbrella.
>
> 2: It is OK for a man to cry ONLY under the following
> circumstances:
> (a) When a heroic dog dies to save its master.
> (b) The moment Angelina Jolie starts unbuttoning her Blouse.
> (c) After wrecking your boss's car.
> (d) When she is using her teeth.
>
> 3: Any Man who brings a camera to a bachelor party may be
> legally killed and eaten by his mates.
>
> 4: Unless he murdered someone in your family, you must bail a
> friend out of jail within 12 hours.
>
> 5: If you've known a bloke for more than 24 hours, his sister is
> off limits forever unless you actually marry her.
>
> 6: Moaning about the brand of free beer in a mate's fridge is
> forbidden. However complain at will if the temperature is unsuitable.
>
> 7: No bloke shall ever be required to buy a birthday present for
> another bloke. In fact, even remembering your mate's
> birthday is strictly optional. At that point, you must
> celebrate at a strip bar of the birthday boy's choice.
>
> 8: On a road trip, the strongest bladder determines pit stops,
> not the weakest.
>
> 9: When stumbling upon other blokes watching a sporting event,
> you may ask the score of the game in progress, but you may
> never ask who's playing.
>
> 10: You may flatulate in front of a woman only after you have
> brought her to climax. If you trap her head under the covers
> for the purpose of flatulent entertainment, she's officially
> your girlfriend.
>
> 11: It is permissible to drink a fruity alcohol drink only when
> you're sunning on a tropical beach ... and it's delivered by
> a topless model and only when it's free.
>
> 12: Only in situations of moral and/or physical peril are you
> allowed to kick another bloke in the nuts.
>
> 13: Unless you're in prison, never fight naked.
>
> 14: Friends don't let friends wear Speedos. Ever. Issue closed.
>
> 15: If a man's fly is down, that's his problem, you didn't see
> anything.
>
> 16: Women who claim they "love to watch sports" must be treated
> as spies until they demonstrate knowledge of the game and the
> ability to drink as much as the other sports watchers.
>
> 17: A man in the company of a hot, suggestively dressed woman
> must remain sober enough to fight.
>
> 18: Never hesitate to reach for the last beer or the last slice
> of pizza, but not both, that's just greedy.
>
> 19: If you compliment a guy on his six-pack, you'd better be
> talking about his choice of beer.
>
> 20: Never join your girlfriend or wife in discussing a friend
> of yours, except if she's withholding sex pending your
> response.
>
> 21: Phrases that may NOT be uttered to another man while
> lifting weights:
> (a) Yeah, Baby, Push it!
> (b) C'mon, give me one more! Harder!
> (c) Another set and we can hit the showers!
>
> 22: Never talk to a man in a toilet unless you are on equal
> footing: i.e., both urinating, both waiting in line, etc.
> For all other situations, an almost imperceptible nod is all the
> conversation you need.
>
> 23: Never allow a telephone conversation with a woman to go on
> longer than you are able to have sex with her. Keep a stopwatch
> by the phone. Hang up if necessary.
>
> 24: The morning after you and a girl who was formerly "just a
> friend" have carnal, drunken monkey sex, the fact that
> you're
> feeling weird and guilty is no reason for you not to nail each
> other again before the discussion occurs about what a big
> mistake it was.
>
> 25: It is acceptable for you to drive her car. It is not
> acceptable for her to drive yours.
>
> 26: Thou shalt not buy a car in the colors of brown, pink,lime
> green, orange or sky blue.
>
> 27: The girl who replies to the question "What do you want for
> Christmas?" with "If you loved me, you'd know what I want!"
> gets an Xbox. End of story.
>
> 28: There is no reason for guys to watch Ice Skating or Men's
> Gymnastics. Ever.
>
> 29: We've all heard about people having guts or balls. But do
> you really know the difference between them? In an effort to
> keep you informed, the definition of each is listed below:
> "GUTS" is arriving home late after a night out with his mates,
> being assaulted by your wife with a broom, and having the guts
> to say, "are you
> still cleaning or are you flying somewhere?"
> "BALLS" is coming home late after a night out with his mates
> smelling of perfume and beer, lipstick on your collar,slapping
> your wife on the ass and having the balls to say, "You're
> next fatty!"
> I hope this clears up any confusion,