Ethos83

I thought we were quibbling over unequal relationships (young Filipinas with much older western men) and not the merits of suburbia?

Millhouse

Can you define an equal relationship?

As soon as kids are brought in to a relationship, it is no longer equal.

Ethos83

Ok back off people.

I asked Weasel a question. It could very well be that he's not interested in marriage or suburbia or children. But I posed the question because the tone of his original post implied that the exoticism of working in high risk environments wasn't so endearing anymore.

A lot of men in Weasel's industry woke up in their 40s and 50s and realised they wanted the conventional after all. And went for it as quickly as they could via finding a Filipina wife because all the good western women were already taken or having become so used to the inequality (by western standards) of eastern relationships they couldn't hack it with a western woman anymore.

So - to Weasel, do you think that you're in danger of going down this path? You're growing bored with the nature of your work and the areas of operation. If you stay with the same type of jobs/countries you're only delaying the inevitable crash/burn and midlife crisis to your late 40s/50s by which point your options for a conventionality (if you want it) is severely limited?

Or are you becoming aware that these job options at the moment represent a chance to change the potential direction of your life into something else? Do you really want to take the boring but safe but perhaps will allow me to find a nice wife/family before I'm too old? Or would you rather stick with the work hard party hard **** hard crowd for as long as you can?

Ethos83

Let's just define it as a relationship where one party doesn't use the power of having the larger income to dominate the wishes of the second party.

Mrs. Ethos and I have comparable incomes. On paper she's worth slightly more than me. While money isn't the essence of our relationship (of course not) we're intellectually and culturally compatible.

OleJanx

Ah, you've now moved onto a much more interesting point. I would say that you're likely to have a less stormy marriage due to the similarities in your backgrounds.

old.sparkles

Come to Oz

jam25mack

What's that got to do with it....?

My Mrs is on paper far richer than I, however, I earn more cash monthly, however, she has the potential to smash my annual salary in one month!

She's British but of Indian decent so our cultures aren't the same.

Intellectually we were both educated at top British Universities and got good degrees so are similar in that instance.

Please oh great one, can you tell me what I should do.....

Personally I think you are talking a load of shite. Just because a couples wealth, culture or education aren't the same doesn't mean that they cannot live happily ever after. And vice versa, just because they are matched doesn't mean it's not going to end in a hail of gunfire either!

weasel decentral

I am not part of the work/party hard crowd at all, mostly wherever I am I tend to mix mostly with the locals rather than expats. But a lot of the time I am in situations where there are not at lot around anyhow.

I am thinking more of the idea of some kind of satisfaction or sense of achievement with personal or professional life. Doing a good job and enjoying my time away from it also. It's a dissatisfying experience at the moment on both counts, and I want to change that.

weasel decentral

Lived in Sydney for 2 years in the late 90s and while I enjoyed it at the time I am not sure I want to repeat the experience.

old.sparkles

It's a big place - you don't have to do Sydney

britexpat76

Absolutely mate. My 1st wife and I went to the same school together, both went to uni/college, both loved to party, both loved exactly the same things and as wealth is being dragged into it for some reason - she was the daughter of a multi millionaire. Our seemingly idyllic life as man and wife lasted 5 months before I called it a day.

Wife 2, completely different religious beliefs, speaks 4 languages (Why anyone needs anything other than English is beyond me) polar opposites and far happier. We will also produce 'Mixed race sprogs' Still that's far better than a ginger pasty white thing I would probably produce without her genes.

What Ethos is saying about compatability is bollocks, we will see when the shine dulls on his recent wedding memories.

OleJanx

You seem to be missing a point. If you remember the stuff Ethos wrote before his wedding, he seemed to give the impression that he was getting married because it was expected rather than with any great exitement. Getting married was safe. Marrying someone similar was safe. driving an identikit Audi is no doubt safe. No doubt the sex is safe. Working in Dubai was safe. Ethos doesn't strike me as particularly risk taking.
Some of us though, like different, risky and opposite to everything normal.
Normal is death by suburbia and the Daily Fail....No thanks...

The_Citizen

the right path for one person isn't always the right path for another. Everyone has different aspirations and dreams in life. If everyone just wanted to settle down and get married and live in Suburbia then it would be a very boring world.

On the flip side the world wouldn't be much fun if everyone just partied until they were 60!

Life is about balance

shiva

no, its because youre being a dick

scrubbedexpat141

Just to add one into the mix;

I earn more than my mrs. My families (separate 'rents) earn more than her families (separate 'rents as well) and whilst she's not 'working class' by background and attitude, she certainly is by family income (if that's possible?).

However, out of the two of us, she's the degree qualified, post-grad holding, looking-at-doing-a-masters professional.

She loves me, I love her and I never moan about paying for more than she does or buying more than she does because she's infinitely more thoughtful with her money than I often am (not always, I'm not a complete idiot).

Still, I do get the point that Ethos makes about relationships being equal...if I walked away from her now I'd expect to take almost every single bit of furniture and finishes in the apartment, because I bought it and I want it....I'm not saying I would but it does make the point that I've paid for / provided a lot of material things.......however, the equality balance comes from her ability to make it all look nice and make the apartment our home.

A balanced relationship needn't be purely material or on paper, but covering a range of intangible, emotional, intellectual things (as has been alluded to).