shiva

I agree completely but don't mistake a wry laugh at what used to be or a quick moan about a sleepless night as unappreciative. I doubt there's a single one of us on here with kids who would change a thing.

For us it was five year battle and pretty much all our money on Ivf just to have the first one and we will be doing it all over agin for the next.
There isn't a second of the day that either of us take him for granted or are unappreciative in any way. That said I would give my right arm for a late wake up just occasionally.

Blue Cat

sleep deprivation is the killer when raising kids, four years of being awake every three hours I had. That's the reason I stuck on one.

shiva

Christ our wee man is nowhere near that bad, think I'd have gone insane if be was.

al dente

Our first was up twice a night (every three hours!) for 4 years. Our second slept through, only to have night terrors for 2 hours every night for 6 months, timed perfectly at the arrival of number three. And yet, if I hadn't been told to stop for medical reasons I would have a fourth as now at 7, 2.5 and 1.5, they all sleep through. Well actually, number one just gets up and climbs into our bed around 1 or 2 in the morning 1/3 nights.

If you had told me any of that before I had them I would have simply turned lesbos.

MataHari

its got nothing to do with not being 'appreciative'. Having kids, raising them, isn't all fun and games on a pink cloud 24/7.

I like it when people tell realistic stuff about what it is actually like for them. Much better than the rose tinted glasses brigagde that gush about their little angels all the time...

When you decide to have a child you have no idea what this child will be like, we all hope that it's going to be healthy, easy going, well behaved etc, but you are not in completely in control of that...and to talk about the things that are hard, difficult, or just not as you hoped/thought they would be is totally ok...

shiva

Exaclty

nonthaburi

I think for me the crunch was when my second was born just 55 weeks after the 1st . Not only did we have a newborn to deal with but we also had a kid who was just starting to walk , and we had to do that walking behind them thing so they don't fall back and bang their head for the next nine months . All while dealing with severe sleep deprivation and hold down a job . Then when 1st born got safer on his legs the other one started on the same thing . It was very hard work but as I said in a previous post ,ultimately rewarding . They are now 5 and 6 and the past couple of years things have got a lot easier but there are days when you just think , " I really wish you could do this yourself ."
When they can shower / clothe / feed / wipe their own bum properly themselves I'll be a lot happier .
When I can take them down the pub for a pint and a game of pool I'll be even happier still.

Millhouse

Loads of research on this subject... this being an example

http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/...r-couples-kids

What I like is how childless people have such strong opinions on this subject when, frankly, they have no idea of the details.

scrubbedexpat141

That's pretty patronising - People can have an opinion on anything they want.

Just like I have an opinion on the letter read out on the radio from 7days about smacking kids.

Millhouse

Not really - I didn't say you can't have an opinion, I just implied it is worth less than someone who has been through the experience.

Unless you have been through the experience of getting up 2am for 3 hours every night for 6 months and doing a full time job you have no idea of the love/hate relationship you have with your offspring. Hence, when I hear a parents moaning about their kids, I do not think 'you should be more appreciative'. And before anyone says 'you made your bed' - while that is true, nobody can tell you what it is going to be like.

As negative as all that sounds, I would not change any decision I have made and the overall experience is positive. That said, I would not repeat it.

scrubbedexpat141

To be honest, I think that people have a very good idea of what is going to be in store for them. Look at how many parents have commented on here for example.

But anyway, having the choice whether you have kids or not is an absolute privilege that not everyone can claim. They can be little ****tards or anti-sleep devices I'm sure and I'm also sure that none of you would change the end result of having a smaller version of yourselves to nurture.

The one thing I truly dread about having kids is the ****ing advice. Two of my sisters have kids and lord above do they get told some bollocks about what to do, how to do, he's got meningitis, she's got an overactive thyroid gland, he should be able to say a 9-letter word by now.

If and when I'm lucky enough to produce probably the greatest mini-Scamp ninja god of the future, I'll go into hiding.

Millhouse

Wait until you get advice, helpful feedback and criticism from those without kids.

Honestly, despite all the stuff you read and hear -- the average first time parent has no clue about what is coming... both the good and the bad.

MataHari

we should write an alternative guide for first time parents...that should deal with the overpopulation and we'd get a bit of money for it to make up for that what ever it is, 200,000 euro, it costs to raise one

Millhouse

A friend of mine tried. He started a diary-style book from the dad's perspective from the moment his wife fell pregnant - the plan was to go from conception to completing the first year or so. Naturally, events overcame him and he couldn't maintain the time commitment to finish it. Sums it all up really.

I told him he would fail, he thought he could do it - shame, he had made a cracking start.

scrubbedexpat141

That's not the kind of advice I meant, but no point repeating.