Meow

Leading on from the topic in another thread...

It used to be that children fitted in with their parents, not, as it is so often now, the other way around.

When I was small children it was perfectly normal to sit around being a bit bored when your parents were busy doing something. You were expected to fit in with whatever they wanted to so, whereas it seems that these days the children are always a propriority in many families. I think being bored and learning patience is character building for a child and that it can be harmful for them to be permanenty entertained and treated as princes and princesses.

Is it more skewed here as many (Western) expat wives don't work? Are children helped or harmed by this current approach?

Off you go..

The Dean

You can't compare attitudes out here to those in the real world........

When I first went to the Magic Kingdom, my daughter (then four years old) came home from school one day (the British School, mind you) and asked 'Why do I have to change for PE by myself?"

"What do you mean?" I asked.

"Well Stephanie's mummy's maid comes in to help her........"

commander

Depends.

Some parents (and i have to say it, usually the mothers) put thier children before absolutely anything.Now for certain things i agree 100%.

When we make family decisions, we sit down at look at them from all 3 angles..mum, dad and daughter. All have equal share of the cake and decisions are based on compromise.

We have had to do this extensively over the last 12 months with my wife's illness. Topics have included:

• education here or at home, what is best for us all?
• Family support back home versus expat isolation
• me going on a rotational job and moving back to UK,
• keeping up our membership of the British Club..believe it or not, this was a week long discussion
• do we need another 4x4 for the wife
• moving within Abu Dhabi to a house with external maids room so we can get full time help for when my wife takes a 'turn'

You dont make family decisions based on the sole needs of a child but the decisions we reached on all the above topics was a taken with all 3 of our needs equally represented...

My wife doesnt work but she knows how hard i do and what i bring to support my family, so when i raise a concern about my conditions (commute, working hours/stress being one subject) by god she listens and makes a compromise. Then again she has been in an expat family for most of her life so the thrill of coffee mornings/salons/pools and all the other bored wife pastimes was lost on her many years ago.

A lot of expat wife's who do not work are pretty selfish. They hide behind the 'oh its not good for the child' banner whilst in reality it means 'i cant spare the time in my really important social diary to go this extra mile'

Lorna at Vicenza

Just last week my little one said to me,

"Mummy I'm boring."
-'No you're not darling, you're bored.'
"Okay then, I'm bored."
-'Well find something to do then.'
"I don't know what I want to do."
- 'Read a book. Do a jigsaw. Play Connect 4 with your sister. Make a birthday card for Aunty Katie. Get the Lego out if you want.'

Five minutes later 200,000 bits of Lego were all over the rug and a very long garage was happily being built for a 10 wheeler home invented camper van.


I had a friend who planned activities for her daughter every day. When a little brother arrived 10 years later the mother didn't have as much time and the girl did not know how to entertain herself and resented the brother's arrival. It wasn't a happy time for them.

Blue Cat

Totally!! all the shite that they try and make you buy when you are pregnant is totally over the top.

Kim67

Exactly, stick them in the bed with you and then they can help themselves to the boob while you get a decent night's sleep......not basinets, cots, bottles, sterilisers needed.

Blue Cat

when we were kids my Mother had a MINI, I know a few people here who have people carriers cos they want them but use the kids as an excuse

The Dean

Be careful - lots of babies have suffocated with a large breast in their mouths (i.e. covering most of their faces), unable to breathe, while Mum falls asleep and doesn't notice......

Very common.

Hello.Kitty

Historically, ofc, fewer women went out to work, so the idea that it's down to being a SAHM isn't really relevant.

However, I think that what's new is a/ consumerism and b/ the idea of parent guilt. Since we live in a time-poor society, there's pressure to Do Stuff with what free time we get... and we have the money to make it the perceived Quality Time that seems so important. As young parents we're also bombarded with activities and whatnot for pre-schoolers just to add to the guilt. Mini-maestros for LO's musical education, swimming lessons for babies (can't walk yet, but can sure as heck learn to swim!) and now "enrichment sessions"...

I had a brief discussion with a manager at such a place and after telling her that their prices were extortionate (135AED for an hour?! Don't think so!), she replied that it was because they shipped all their stuff in from the US (bla bla bla)... to which I said that I couldn't care less and that my children would be just as happy with a loo-roll core and an old bottle filled with rice.... which is true.

I really do think that you can do too much and that kids need time to be left to their own devices and grow their imaginations and independence... but maybe that's just my excuse for not doing as much with them as maybe I ought to...

--------

oh, and kids choking on boobs are really quite uncommon. There are more cases of the dad rolling over and suffocating the child than the mum... we're programmed to be aware, even through sleep (hence why we often wake up a few seconds before bubs starts crying). However, you should never co-sleep under the influence of drugs or alcohol (anything that numbs your awareness)

Kim67

Mine were never that big!!! Agree it can be a problem, but if you don't drink or pop pills, most mothers are aware enough to know where the baby is even when they're asleep. I used to sleep with them in the crook of one elbow and when I rolled over, I passed them over my body into the crook of my other arm. I don't think you ever really sleep too soundly once you have kids.

Edited to add, answered Dean and just read Kitty saying practically the same thing as I've just said.

hnd

Go figure:

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/arti...-burglary.html

Norm_uk

As a parent I have always maintained the axiom that children are part of the family not the centre of it. People are so afraid to hurt the feelings of anyone, especially children these days...and the results are more selfish and rude children.

I grew up in an environment where you kept yourself entertained quietly when the adults were busy or face their wrath...it was about respecting them - after all they provide all the food, lodgings and treats. They are there if you are ill or have an accident. I also grew up in an environment where spanking was a reality for some transgressions...of course today parents only hit their children in self-defense

Children need difficult (but not cruel) childhoods to prepare them for life.

N.

Talking Stick

You know your getting old and miserable when you start complaining about the kids nowadays.

Meow

Talking Stick

But seriously Meow......