Funny

Old Mar 18th 2013, 2:25 pm
  #1  
"Insert witty title here"
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Talking Funny

Heres a fresher version of an old email thats been bouncing around for a few years now! Although some of the points raised I would contest, like the one about 'mind your Ps and Qs'. But anyway, good to waste some time on I guess

Men can read smaller
print than women can; women can hear better.
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Coca-Cola was originally green.
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It is impossible to lick your elbow.
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The State with the highest percentage of people who walk to work:
Alaska
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The percentage of Africa that is wilderness: 28%
(now get this...)
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The percentage of North America that is wilderness: 38%
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The cost of raising a medium-size dog to the age of eleven:
$ 16,400
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The average number of people airborne over the U.S. in any given hour:
61,000
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Intelligent people have more zinc and copper in their hair..
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The first novel ever written on a typewriter, Tom Sawyer.
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The San Francisco Cable cars are the only mobile National Monuments.
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Each king in a deck of playing cards represents a great king from history:

Spades - King David

Hearts - Charlemagne

Clubs -Alexander, the Great

Diamonds - Julius Caesar
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111,111,111 x
111,111,111 = 12,345,678,987, 654,321
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If a statue in the park of a person on a horse has both front legs in the air, the person died in battle.
If the horse has one front leg in the air, the person died because of wounds received in battle.
If the horse has all four legs on the ground, the person died of natural causes
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Only two people signed the Declaration of Independence on July 4,
John Hancock and Charles Thomson.
Most of the rest signed on August 2, but the last signature wasn't added until 5 years later.
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Q. Half of all Americans live within 50 miles of what?
A. Their birthplace
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Q. Most boat owners name their boats.
What is the most popular boat name requested?
A. Obsession
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Q.. If you were to spell out numbers,
how far would you have to go until you
would find the letter 'A'?

A. One thousand
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Q. What do bulletproof vests, fire escapes, windshield wipers and laser printers have in common?

A. All were invented by women.
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Q. What is the only food that doesn't spoil?
A. Honey
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Q. Which day are there more collect calls than any other day of the year?

A. Father's Day
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In Shakespeare's time, mattresses were secured on bed frames by ropes.
When you pulled on the ropes, the mattress tightened, making the bed firmer to sleep on.
Hence the phrase...'Goodnight , sleep tight'
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It was the accepted practice in Babylon 4,000 years ago that for a month after the wedding, the bride's father would supply
his new son-in-law with all the mead he could drink. Mead is a honey beer and because their calendar was lunar based, this period was called the honey month, which we know today as the honeymoon.
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In English pubs, ale is ordered by pints and quarts... So in old England , when
customers got unruly, the bartender would yell at them 'Mind your pints and quarts, and settle down.' . . .

It's where we get the phrase 'mind your P's and Q's'
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Many years ago in England, pub frequenters had a whistle baked into the rim, or handle, of their ceramiccups.
When they needed a refill , they used the whistle to get some service. 'Wet your whistle' is the phrase
inspired by this practice.
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At least 75% of people who read this will try to lick their elbow!
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YOU KNOW YOU ARE LIVING IN 2012 when...

1. You accidentally enter your PIN on the microwave.

2. You haven't played solitaire with real cards in years.

3. You have a list of 15 phone numbers to reach your family of three.

4. You e-mail the person who works at the desk next to you.

5. Your reason for not staying in touch with friends and family is that they don't have e-mail addresses.

6. You pull up in your own driveway and use your cell phone to see if anyone is home to help you
carry in the groceries...

7. Every commercial on television has a Web site at the bottom of the screen

8. Leaving the house without your cell phone, which you didn't even have the first 20 or 30 (or 60) years of your life, is now a cause for panic and you turn around to go and get it !

10. You get up in the morning and go on-line before getting your coffee

11. You start tilting your head sideways to smile.

12 You're reading this and nodding and laughing.

13. Even worse, you know exactly to whom you are going to forward this message.

14. You are too busy to notice there was no #9 on this list.

15. You actually scrolled back up to check that there wasn't a #9 on this list .

~~~~~~~~~~~AND FINALLY~~~~~ ~~~~~~~

NOW you're LAUGHING at yourself!
Blessed are they who can laugh at themselves, for they shall never cease to be amused!" (Unknown Author)
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Go on, forward this to your friends. You know you want to! And try not to lick your elbow again!
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Old Mar 19th 2013, 2:24 pm
  #2  
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Default Re: Funny

Q.. If you were to spell out numbers,
how far would you have to go until you
would find the letter 'A'?

A. One thousand


Rubbish...how about a hundred and one?
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Old Mar 19th 2013, 2:56 pm
  #3  
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Default Re: Funny

Originally Posted by mentalist View Post
Q.. If you were to spell out numbers,
how far would you have to go until you
would find the letter 'A'?

A. One thousand


Rubbish...how about a hundred and one?
valid point, for that matter One and a Half also is a number
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Old Mar 19th 2013, 3:21 pm
  #4  
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Default Re: Funny

Originally Posted by mentalist View Post
Q.. If you were to spell out numbers,
how far would you have to go until you
would find the letter 'A'?

A. One thousand


Rubbish...how about a hundred and one?
One Zero One, oh Mental one
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Old Mar 19th 2013, 4:03 pm
  #5  
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Default Re: Funny

Originally Posted by OleJanx View Post
One Zero One, oh Mental one
Not where I went to school, matey.
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Old Mar 19th 2013, 4:10 pm
  #6  
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Default Re: Funny

Originally Posted by mentalist View Post
Not where I went to school, matey.
'And' has never been a number. Zero always has been Matey...
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Old Mar 19th 2013, 4:14 pm
  #7  
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Default Re: Funny

Ps and Qs is wrong, that was from newspaper typsetters when they used blocks, as you had to put the letters in reversed it was easy to mix up the letter p and q, so all new typesetters were told to mind their ps and qs.
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Old Mar 19th 2013, 4:19 pm
  #8  
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Default Re: Funny

Some amusing points in there, but not that much truth...

Oh, and half is not a number.
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Old Mar 19th 2013, 4:32 pm
  #9  
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Default Re: Funny

Originally Posted by mikelincs View Post
Ps and Qs is wrong, that was from newspaper typsetters when they used blocks, as you had to put the letters in reversed it was easy to mix up the letter p and q, so all new typesetters were told to mind their ps and qs.
that actually makes more sense
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Old Mar 20th 2013, 6:29 am
  #10  
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Default Re: Funny

Originally Posted by mentalist View Post
Q.. If you were to spell out numbers,
how far would you have to go until you
would find the letter 'A'?

A. One thousand


Rubbish...how about a hundred and one?
Minus a thousand? A half?

To think, we wonder why kids don't take STEM subjects (aside from there being no well paid jobs in them of course).
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Old Mar 20th 2013, 8:06 am
  #11  
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Default Re: Funny

That bastard one.

First number, you're all wrong.
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