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Expats: An alternative view...

Expats: An alternative view...

Old Jul 7th 2011, 5:17 pm
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Default Expats: An alternative view...

"The British are a varied people and do not get on with each other.
And yet there is one group of Britons who are united despite their ethnic and religious differences: expats. United in bitterness and whining, that is.

Expats all seem to be engineers or work in the oil industry. The men all have moustaches and the women all sit in the shade drinking as much as possible. They spend all their time moaning about Britain but they haven't actually been back since T-Rex were in the charts. If pressed on this, they claim that they don't want to as 'the country's gone to the dogs.' Point out to them that you were just there and there was no sign of canine invasion, and they grunt, and use an expression for another race that you haven't heard since "Mind Your Language" was taken off the telly.

They don't even like the place where they are living, yet will only leave when their idle fleshy backsides are kicked out during a popular uprising. This will take some time to sink in, as they have never even bothered to learn the language.

Expats long for a world that never existed, and remember one that hasn't existed for many years. They still believe that all the ethnic minorities in Britain work in curry houses, that beer is one and six a pint and you can still get Double Diamond. They are like the Japanese soldiers lost in the jungle, refusing to believe the war is over.

The worst thing is that for some reason these red-faced pillocks are allowed a postal vote in British elections. Fortunately, most of them still think it's 1974 and vote for Mr Heath, so all their ballot papers are spoiled."

David Quantick.

Perhaps he's been given a poor impression by some of our number?

Last edited by OleJanx; Jul 7th 2011 at 5:20 pm. Reason: .
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Old Jul 8th 2011, 3:56 am
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Default Re: Expats: An alternative view...

Originally Posted by OleJanx View Post
"The British are a varied people and do not get on with each other.
And yet there is one group of Britons who are united despite their ethnic and religious differences: expats. United in bitterness and whining, that is.

Expats all seem to be engineers or work in the oil industry. The men all have moustaches and the women all sit in the shade drinking as much as possible. They spend all their time moaning about Britain but they haven't actually been back since T-Rex were in the charts. If pressed on this, they claim that they don't want to as 'the country's gone to the dogs.' Point out to them that you were just there and there was no sign of canine invasion, and they grunt, and use an expression for another race that you haven't heard since "Mind Your Language" was taken off the telly.

They don't even like the place where they are living, yet will only leave when their idle fleshy backsides are kicked out during a popular uprising. This will take some time to sink in, as they have never even bothered to learn the language.

Expats long for a world that never existed, and remember one that hasn't existed for many years. They still believe that all the ethnic minorities in Britain work in curry houses, that beer is one and six a pint and you can still get Double Diamond. They are like the Japanese soldiers lost in the jungle, refusing to believe the war is over.

The worst thing is that for some reason these red-faced pillocks are allowed a postal vote in British elections. Fortunately, most of them still think it's 1974 and vote for Mr Heath, so all their ballot papers are spoiled."

David Quantick.

Perhaps he's been given a poor impression by some of our number?
A quick Google reveals that the same Mr Quantick is also responsible for writing 'Harry Hill's TV Burp', which gives us a pretty good idea of how seriously we should take him......
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Old Jul 8th 2011, 10:43 am
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Default Re: Expats: An alternative view...

By writing such nonsense Mr Quantick shows that he really hasn't a clue about life outside the UK and thus should be pitied for being so very wrong.



Incidentally where was this published? I don't see a source.
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Old Jul 8th 2011, 10:57 am
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Default Re: Expats: An alternative view...

Does anyone know where this expat heaven is ? Certainly not seen it or anything like it in the Gulf so far

Anyway its Sounds a jolly good place, and I haven't seen Double Diamond, though it did work wonders, since all the darkies arrived
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Old Jul 8th 2011, 3:34 pm
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Default Re: Expats: An alternative view...

I have met enough people who haven't been back to their home countries for years, and believe that time has stood still whilst they have been gone. They subsequently whinge when they see that their countries change too. I find it hilarious.
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Old Jul 8th 2011, 4:04 pm
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Default Re: Expats: An alternative view...

Originally Posted by Meow View Post
By writing such nonsense Mr Quantick shows that he really hasn't a clue about life outside the UK and thus should be pitied for being so very wrong.



Incidentally where was this published? I don't see a source.
Quantick is a freelancer but mostly writes for the Grauniad..........
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Old Jul 9th 2011, 9:06 am
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Default Re: Expats: An alternative view...

Originally Posted by The Dean View Post
Quantick is a freelancer but mostly writes for the Grauniad..........
I know who he is, and have always thought that he was a bit of a twat, but wondered where this particular piece was published.
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Old Jul 9th 2011, 9:18 am
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Default Re: Expats: An alternative view...

Originally Posted by Meow View Post
I know who he is, and have always thought that he was a bit of a twat, but wondered where this particular piece was published.
As it appears to be a cut'n'paste from an article the OP really should name his source.......preferably with a link.....
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Old Jul 9th 2011, 10:57 am
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Default Re: Expats: An alternative view...

Originally Posted by Paracletus View Post
I have met enough people who haven't been back to their home countries for years, and believe that time has stood still whilst they have been gone. They subsequently whinge when they see that their countries change too. I find it hilarious.
I've met some of those diehard expats too. I believe many of those people who work abroad for so long just reach a point in their life/careers they can't go back...scary really when you think about it.

Funny, that article reminded of that French & Saunders sketch: The Shell Wives Association Welcome Kit

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xht7nqVmxR4
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Old Jul 9th 2011, 11:15 am
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Default Re: Expats: An alternative view...

Originally Posted by DesertOcean View Post
Funny, that article reminded of that French & Saunders sketch: The Shell Wives Association Welcome Kit

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xht7nqVmxR4
ROFL Here!


I can see where we got the name 'Al Berkshire!'
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Old Jul 10th 2011, 7:37 am
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Default Re: Expats: An alternative view...

The only thing that rings true is that British culture, expat or otherwise seems to involve a lot of moaning.

N.
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Old Jul 10th 2011, 7:40 am
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Default Re: Expats: An alternative view...

The article seems spot on to me.

I know my moustache comb is around here somewhere, but really can't be arsed to get up and find it......
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Old Jul 10th 2011, 2:07 pm
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Default Re: Expats: An alternative view...

Originally Posted by DesertOcean View Post
I've met some of those diehard expats too. I believe many of those people who work abroad for so long just reach a point in their life/careers they can't go back...scary really when you think about it.

Funny, that article reminded of that French & Saunders sketch: The Shell Wives Association Welcome Kit

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xht7nqVmxR4
Good call!!

My old man is one of them, not able to move back. I guess the realization was made many years ago..no real career prospects once you get to a certain age, and salaries would be slashed significantly. But considering his current circumstances, I would probably made the same decision. Run a business in the Caribbean..? Yes please.
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Old Jul 10th 2011, 2:12 pm
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Default Re: Expats: An alternative view...

Great discussion and all, but OleJanx you need to come back and cite the author and/or source.

Thank you kindly.
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Old Jul 10th 2011, 2:28 pm
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Default Re: Expats: An alternative view...

The author, David Quantick, is cited.

Anything else? Ah, the source...hmm.O.K.

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