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Duz tha speak Yorkshire ?

Duz tha speak Yorkshire ?

Old Aug 23rd 2011, 12:17 pm
  #1  
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Default Duz tha speak Yorkshire ?

A Yorkshire man takes his cat to the vet.

Yorkshireman: "Ayup, lad, I need to talk to thee about me cat."

Vet: "Is it a tom?"

Yorkshireman: "Nay, I've browt it with us."

.............................. .............................. .........................

A Yorkshireman's dog dies and as it was a favourite pet he decides to
have a gold statue made by a jeweller to remember the dog by.


Yorkshireman: "Can tha mek us a gold statue of yon dog?"

Jeweller: "Do you want it 18 carat?"

Yorkshireman: "No I want it chewin' a bone yer daft bugger!"

.............................. .............................. ......................

Bloke from Barnsley with piles asks chemist "Nah then lad, does tha
sell arse cream?"

Chemist replies "Aye, Magnum or Cornetto?"
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Old Aug 23rd 2011, 12:19 pm
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Default Re: Duz tha speak Yorkshire ?

Love it.

I'm married to a Yorkshireman, albeit one who is quite posh considering where he comes from and is intelligible, but I've been to places where they make less sense than those jokes. I swear some of them need subtitles.
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Old Aug 23rd 2011, 1:24 pm
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Default Re: Duz tha speak Yorkshire ?

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Old Aug 23rd 2011, 2:23 pm
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Default Re: Duz tha speak Yorkshire ?

Q: What is a Yorkshiremans favorite mobile?
A: T mobile

ahhhh.....
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Old Aug 23rd 2011, 3:10 pm
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Default Re: Duz tha speak Yorkshire ?

The band "The The" never went down very well in Yorkshire.
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Old Aug 23rd 2011, 3:23 pm
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Default Re: Duz tha speak Yorkshire ?

The mardy Dewsbury native I knew from college days would always doubt what others said and utter "Aye, wi' t' cock ahrrt" - were that Yorkshire or just him being a complete twat?
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Old Aug 23rd 2011, 4:05 pm
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Default Re: Duz tha speak Yorkshire ?

Its Yawksha

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Old Aug 23rd 2011, 5:27 pm
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Default Re: Duz tha speak Yorkshire ?

why is it the first thing they ever tell you is where they're from ?

"I'm from Yorkshire...."

we can tell by your stupid accent man
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Old Aug 24th 2011, 8:18 am
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Default Re: Duz tha speak Yorkshire ?

Thou Bob owes our Bob a bob,......
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Old Aug 24th 2011, 8:24 am
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Default Re: Duz tha speak Yorkshire ?

Originally Posted by Paracletus View Post
Q: What is a Yorkshiremans favorite mobile?
A: T mobile...ahhhh.....
Eh?
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Old Aug 24th 2011, 8:44 am
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Default Re: Duz tha speak Yorkshire ?

Originally Posted by mentalist View Post
Eh?
As in "Thon is allus on T' Mobile, lad"
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Old Aug 24th 2011, 9:16 am
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Default Re: Duz tha speak Yorkshire ?

Apropos nothing much:

Pierre, a brave French fighter pilot, takes his girlfriend, Marie, out for a Pleasant little picnic by the River Seine.

It's a beautiful day and love is in the air. Marie leans over to Pierre and says, ' Pierre , kiss me!'

Pierre grabs a bottle of Merlot and splashes it on Marie's lips.'What are you doing, Pierre ?' says the startled Marie.

'I am Pierre, the French fighter pilot! When I have red meat, I have red Wine!' She smiles and they start kissing.

Things began to heat up a little and Marie says, ' Pierre , kiss me lower.'

Our hero tears her blouse open, grabs a bottle of Chardonnay and pours it on her breasts. ' Pierre! What are you doing now?' asks the bewildered Marie.

'I am Pierre, the French fighter pilot! When I have white meat, I have white Wine!'

She giggles and they resume their passionate interlude. Marie then leans close to his ear and whispers, ' Pierre, kiss me much lower!'

Pierre rips off her underwear, grabs a bottle of Cognac and pours it over her "privates"...
He then strikes a match and lights the cognac on fire.

Marie shrieks and dives into the River Seine.

Standing waist deep, Marie throws her arms into the air and screams furiously,

' PIERRE , WHAT THE F#@K DO YOU THINK YOU ARE DOING?'

Our hero stands and says defiantly,

'I am Pierre, the French fighter pilot!

If I go down, I go down in flames!'
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Old Aug 24th 2011, 3:30 pm
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Default Re: Duz tha speak Yorkshire ?

The Yorkshire Moon-Sighting Committee!


Chairman Bert Williams (T’Mullah): Lads! Lads! Now then lads, lets bring T’Committee t’order! Can thou mek it a short one toneet as t’bar opens in 15 minutes, in’t shallah!

Bert: Usual Order of Business for T’Lunar Observation Committee.

Abdul: Can thou tell Brass Band (next door) to ‘keep lid on it’ as I can’t hear a bloody thing, thou knows!

Bert: Ney, ney, ney Abdul! They’re practicing f’t Th’Eid Piss-Up tomorrow neet! — We’ll just have to SHOUT ‘THOU KNOWS!’

Any road . . . Did anyone see T’t Lunar Orb last neet?

All: WHAT?

Bert : T’t MOON ya Daft Bastards !

All: Oh, reet! T’t Moon!

Abdul: Sorry Bert I were watching Corrie Omnibus, thou knows, and by time I remembered, I were too pissed to get out of’t ****ing Chair!

Ali: I were walking me Whippet but saw nowt! — It were too cloudy!

Ahmed: I were on nightshift down’t pit! I looked up shaft, but could see nowt f’t leets.

Bert: How about thee Mo?

Mohammad: I had too much Iftar, thou knows, and fell asleep on’t couch!

Asif: Me misses thought she saw it, as I was shagging her on’t Park Bench!

Bert : Ney, ney, lads, we cant take women’s word for it!

Mohammad: Why dunt we do what we’ve done f’t last 20 years, and ask ‘Accrington’ if they’ve sin it yet.

Bert: Good Idea Mo! — Reet then . . .

(. . . Calls Accrington)

Bert: Hello, is that Stan? Accie LOC Mullah?

Stan: Eye ‘appen who’s this on’t phone.

Bert: It’s me Bert T’Mullah from Brighouse and Rastrick Lunar Observation Committee. Have thou seen t’moon yet?

Stan: We've moved thou knows! We are now in USA!

Bert: What gooin off lad? - USA?

Stan: Aye Uther Side of Accrington! - But aye I saw it on me way home from’t Chippie last neet, thou knows, hamdullilah! - Pennines must have got in't way thou knows!

Bert: Bugger! We’ve lost t’days holiday! Ta Stan, and tarra for now! — Well lads, T’Lunar Orb has been observed in Accie! - And USA

All: WHAT?

Bert : T’MOON ya Daft Bastards! — Reet Lads, Meeting Adjourned! — Fancy a pint lads?

All: AYE !

Mohammad: Aye me mouths as dry as a Badger's Chuff after all this fasting malarlkey!
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Old Aug 24th 2011, 4:09 pm
  #14  
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Default Re: Duz tha speak Yorkshire ?

That be orright be that, lad. Reet grand
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Old Aug 24th 2011, 8:04 pm
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Default Re: Duz tha speak Yorkshire ?

Emerdale, not Corrie, Jack!
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