Go Back  British Expats > Living & Moving Abroad > Middle East > The Sand Pit
Reload this Page >

Dedicated to Scarletfan

Dedicated to Scarletfan

Old Feb 13th 2008, 5:31 pm
  #1  
Lost in BE Cyberspace
Thread Starter
 
MissDemeanor's Avatar
 
Joined: Feb 2008
Posts: 5,786
MissDemeanor has a reputation beyond reputeMissDemeanor has a reputation beyond reputeMissDemeanor has a reputation beyond reputeMissDemeanor has a reputation beyond reputeMissDemeanor has a reputation beyond reputeMissDemeanor has a reputation beyond reputeMissDemeanor has a reputation beyond reputeMissDemeanor has a reputation beyond reputeMissDemeanor has a reputation beyond reputeMissDemeanor has a reputation beyond reputeMissDemeanor has a reputation beyond repute
Default Dedicated to Scarletfan

Long,I know............but well worth a read!!! found on chavtown.co.uk


Search for Your Town


Enter your search terms Submit search form
Web www.chavtowns.co.uk





:: Cardiff (or Chavdiff)

kenickie _WRITES "Cardiff, or Caaaaaaardiff as it is known by residents of the less affluent of its suburbs is a chav paradise of a weekend. Not only is it filled with its own quite substantial collection of chav scum, but it also acts as a chav magnet, sucking in hideous chavs from their south Wales valley homes like tracksuit and baseball cap clad iron filings. It really is quite a shame, because Cardiff is a pretty beautiful place. Visit it before the dole office opens or the £1 drinks promotions kick off in the city centre and you'll be pleasanly surprised. However, if you dare to stick around until Argos opens or until a there is a sale at TKMaxx, then be prepared for the dispicable torrent of sub-human life-forms who will flood the street stinking of Jade Goody's perfume and glittering like an ugly Christmas tree decorated with hyper value baubels.

Should be unfortunate to encounter any of these 'people' - and I use the term 'people' VERY loosely, you will probably recognise some of the universal chav characteristics you are plagues with in your own city. Most of the girls will be roughly 15 and called Sharon-Louise or Kayleigh-Anne or Anne-Marie, and most of their children (most of them will have at least 3) will have fake-French names Candice, Lequitia and Ashante. They aren't able to close their eyes because their hair has been pulled so tightly into a scrunchie that their chins are toching their noses. You will probably, if you dare to walk close enough, smell the cider and Lambert and butler on their breath. Apparently, this fragrance is an afrodisiac to the male of the species. Pink velore track-suits are the general garb of this simple, tribal people and hideously garish Elizabeth Duke golden jewelry. Sovereigns, chains, toe rings, anklets - anything will do.

The boys on the other hand tend to prefer rings. Especially rings that will leave a dent in the face of an un-suspecting 'mosher' who has the audacity to exist! I mean, what a cheek to walk around Chavdiff looking anything other that Chav-tastic. They deserve to die! Or so is the thinking of these primitive minds. If you dare to get close enough to hear their conversation, you will generally here one of a few things. They will probably be grunting at eachother in an unintelligible code they use to bond in place of any shared interest. They will be exchanging remarks about football, like children would stickers or pogs or trump cards in school. They exchange this information as they have no social skills and use their football 'knowledge' as the only means of forging relationships with other people. They will also be discussing their 'bitches' and most of them will be scratching themselves simultaneously. Crabs are a bugger! And you must be nuts if you think they'll spend a tenner on the lotion! That would buy roughly 52 Lambert, 13 litres of White Lightning, a FUBU cap, or even a sovereign if its a diligent chav.

Cardiff really can be a tragic sight when these organisms descend on the place. But the intelligent person, who has studied the behaviour of the Chav David Attenborough style, can learn to avoid them in time. I just follow the rule that they are unlikely to be anywhere where anybody who has taste, class or is cultured in any way would be. For example, look at the following destinations and take a guess as to whether you're likely to find a chav there. Then, scroll down to see if you're right. Chavtastic locations will be highlighted in bold. You'll soon see it's quite easy to know where the pond life lurk.

Theatre, Argos, Waterstones, M&S, Skate park, Corner shop selling White Lightning with unscrupulous shop attendent, Coffee House, gift shop, KwikSave, Lidl, Park Bench amidst flower beds, Behing shed in park, an office, the dole office, GUM clinic, Family planning clinic, Health food shop, 'Sports' shop, participating in a sport


........................

And the answers are:

Theatre, Argos, Waterstones, M&S, Skate park, Corner shop selling White Lightning with unscrupulous shop attendent, Coffee House, gift shop, KwikSave, Lidl, Park Bench amidst flower beds, Behind a shed in park, an office, the dole office, GUM clinic, Family planning clinic, Health food shop, 'Sports' shop, participating in a sport

As you can see, it is easy to predict where these 'people' are likely to be. So don't let this article put you off coming to Cardiff. Come and enjoy the place. But always plan your trip and think ahead to avoid any un-necessary and UN-WELCOME(!) encounters with the chav scum.

Thanks for reading.
MissDemeanor is offline  
Old Feb 13th 2008, 5:32 pm
  #2  
Lost in BE Cyberspace
 
Confucius's Avatar
 
Joined: Dec 2006
Posts: 23,434
Confucius has a reputation beyond reputeConfucius has a reputation beyond reputeConfucius has a reputation beyond reputeConfucius has a reputation beyond reputeConfucius has a reputation beyond reputeConfucius has a reputation beyond reputeConfucius has a reputation beyond reputeConfucius has a reputation beyond reputeConfucius has a reputation beyond reputeConfucius has a reputation beyond reputeConfucius has a reputation beyond repute
Default Re: Dedicated to Scarletfan

You should seriously think of marrying the man...
Confucius is offline  
Old Feb 13th 2008, 5:34 pm
  #3  
Account Closed
 
Joined: Oct 2007
Posts: 787
scarletfan is an unknown quantity at this point
Default Re: Dedicated to Scarletfan

Originally Posted by Confucius
You should seriously think of marrying the man...
Problem is she doesn't even know me!
I am a Pembrokeshire boy, born and bred and in no way, shape or form associated with Caaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaardff!
scarletfan is offline  
Old Feb 13th 2008, 5:35 pm
  #4  
Lost in BE Cyberspace
 
Confucius's Avatar
 
Joined: Dec 2006
Posts: 23,434
Confucius has a reputation beyond reputeConfucius has a reputation beyond reputeConfucius has a reputation beyond reputeConfucius has a reputation beyond reputeConfucius has a reputation beyond reputeConfucius has a reputation beyond reputeConfucius has a reputation beyond reputeConfucius has a reputation beyond reputeConfucius has a reputation beyond reputeConfucius has a reputation beyond reputeConfucius has a reputation beyond repute
Default Re: Dedicated to Scarletfan

Originally Posted by scarletfan
Problem is she doesn't even know me!
I am a Pembrokeshire boy, born and bred and in no way, shape or form associated with Caaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaardff!
Well...It all starts with an innocent phonecall...
Confucius is offline  
Old Feb 13th 2008, 5:37 pm
  #5  
Lost in BE Cyberspace
Thread Starter
 
MissDemeanor's Avatar
 
Joined: Feb 2008
Posts: 5,786
MissDemeanor has a reputation beyond reputeMissDemeanor has a reputation beyond reputeMissDemeanor has a reputation beyond reputeMissDemeanor has a reputation beyond reputeMissDemeanor has a reputation beyond reputeMissDemeanor has a reputation beyond reputeMissDemeanor has a reputation beyond reputeMissDemeanor has a reputation beyond reputeMissDemeanor has a reputation beyond reputeMissDemeanor has a reputation beyond reputeMissDemeanor has a reputation beyond repute
Default Re: Dedicated to Scarletfan

Originally Posted by scarletfan
Problem is she doesn't even know me!
I am a Pembrokeshire boy, born and bred and in no way, shape or form associated with Caaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaardff!
Sssh now,or I will tell all these good people about your collection of Kappa tracksuits!!
MissDemeanor is offline  
Old Feb 13th 2008, 7:13 pm
  #6  
Lost in BE Cyberspace
 
Joined: Jul 2007
Posts: 13,553
The Dean has a reputation beyond reputeThe Dean has a reputation beyond reputeThe Dean has a reputation beyond reputeThe Dean has a reputation beyond reputeThe Dean has a reputation beyond reputeThe Dean has a reputation beyond reputeThe Dean has a reputation beyond reputeThe Dean has a reputation beyond reputeThe Dean has a reputation beyond reputeThe Dean has a reputation beyond reputeThe Dean has a reputation beyond repute
Default Re: Dedicated to Scarletfan

Originally Posted by scarletfan
Problem is she doesn't even know me!
I am a Pembrokeshire boy, born and bred and in no way, shape or form associated with Caaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaardff!
Before I click on that link - tell me: does it include Miiiiirrrrrrrdiff?
The Dean is offline  
Old Feb 14th 2008, 5:24 pm
  #7  
Forum Regular
 
madmidwife's Avatar
 
Joined: Dec 2007
Location: at the end of the rainbow
Posts: 124
madmidwife has much to be proud ofmadmidwife has much to be proud ofmadmidwife has much to be proud ofmadmidwife has much to be proud ofmadmidwife has much to be proud ofmadmidwife has much to be proud ofmadmidwife has much to be proud ofmadmidwife has much to be proud ofmadmidwife has much to be proud ofmadmidwife has much to be proud ofmadmidwife has much to be proud of
Default Re: Dedicated to Scarletfan

madmidwife is offline  

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off


Contact Us - Archive - Advertising - Cookie Policy - Privacy Statement - Terms of Service -

Copyright © 2024 MH Sub I, LLC dba Internet Brands. All rights reserved. Use of this site indicates your consent to the Terms of Use.