Brains1983

Anyone got any new ones?

ctfc

Q: What's the difference between erotic and kinky?

A: Using a feather can be erotic, but kinky is when you use the whole chicken

Brains1983

surely that should be on your Hamster thread?

GuyinUAE

This letter was actually sent by Tesco's Head Office to a customer in
Oxford

Dear Mrs. Murray,

Whilst we would like to thank you for your valued custom and use of
the Tesco Loyalty Card, the Manager of our store in Banbury is
considering banning you and your family from shopping with us, unless
your husband stops his antics.

Below is a list of his actions over the past few months, all verified
by our surveillance cameras:

1.. June 15: Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people's
trolleys when they weren't looking.

2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at
5-minute intervals.

3. July 7: Made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to
feminine products aisle.

4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an Official tone,
'Code 3 in housewares' and watched what happened.

5. August 14: Moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.

6. September 15: Set up a tent in the outdoor clothing department and
told shoppers he'd invite them in if they would bring sausages and a
Calor gas stove..

7. September 23: When the Deputy Manager asked if she could Help him,
he began to cry and asked, 'Why can't you people just leave me alone?'

8. October 4: Looked right into the security camera; used it as a
mirror, picked his nose, and ate it.

9. October 10: While appearing to be choosing kitchen knives in the
Housewares aisle, asked an assistant if he knew where the
antidepressants were.

10. November 3: Darted around the store suspiciously, loudly humming
the Mission Impossible' theme.

11. November 6: In the kitchenware aisle, practised the 'Madonna look'
using different size funnels.

12. November 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed,
yelled 'PICK ME!' 'PICK ME!'

13. November 21: When an announcement came over the loud speaker,
assumed the foetal position and screamed 'NO! NO! It's those voices
again.'

And; last, but not least:

14. November 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited a
while; then yelled, very loudly, 'There's no toilet paper in here.

hnd

"Former Tamweel boss jailed in corruption probe"

http://www.arabianbusiness.com/58935...rruption-probe

And the punch line is:

"All four men were acquitted of breaching trust."